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    Hipstercrite says

    Halloween costumes for hipsters: Wild, ironic looks to leave SoMo salivating

    Lauren Modery
    Oct 17, 2011 | 1:39 pm
    • Empire of the Sun- All you need is a kimono robe or Mom's shoulder-padded waistcoat, white gloves, a bag of feathers and some white eye shadow smeared acrossyour face. Bedazzle the living crap out of everything.
    • Drive- Ryan Gosling
    • Patti Smith- Added feature- devishly handsome hipster boy in leather jacket, noshirt, tight pants and a 35mm camera around his neck holding your hand.
    • Boardwalk Empire- Find your best 1920's suit- high fastening pants, vest, bowlerhat, and corsage- or dress- silk flapper dress with pearls, dangly earrings andhead piece.

    Halloween is just around the bend. For us hipsters, this is the cherished time of year when we can emulate our heroes or be ironic without people looking at us like we're huge assholes.

    But it's also a challenging time. More than any other time of the year, we want to be different, irreverent. We have to out-do our peers. We can't just walk into one of those big box Halloween stores and buy some cheap-o costume, nooo.

    We have to sit and think for days on what will be the most unique, most stylish, most mother f'ing hip costume the world will ever see. We scavenge the vintage shops for just the right items. We spend hours putting our costume together, nearly exploding from anticipation.

    Halloween arrives and we make our grand debut at a friend's SoMo soiree sporting our jean cut-offs, bald cap, mustache and blued body feeling free, feeling so alive — until we notice that 24 other people in the room are dressed exactly like Arrested Development's Tobias Funke, too.

    Before you faux pas flat on your face, here are some hipster Halloween costume suggestions to pique your creative spark:

    Drive

    Ryan Gosling's movie jacket will be available for purchase after Halloween, but until then you can pick yourself up a silk member's only jacket at the local thrift store. Take some yellow paint and draw a sweet-ass yellow scorpion on the back. Buy yourself some leather gloves and work on your best brooding face.

    Walk around all bad-ass while sadly knowing deep down that you and everyone else will never be as cool as The Driver.

    Bellflower

    Advantage? You don't have to change much about your daily hipster garb here. Keep your white American Apparel T-shirt and your scraggily hair. What you will need to do is tattoo a beard onto your face; I'm sorry to have to tell you that. You will also have to wrap a yellow filter over your entire body.

    Most expensive asset to the costume is a makeshift flamethrower. But considering you're probably the sort of person that Bellflower is about, I'm not sure society would trust you with a flamethrower.

    Hillbilly Handfishin'

    You really don't need a lot of clothing for this costume — shirt or no shirt, shorts and a camouflage baseball cap. You might need to spirit gum some hair onto your back. The most important part of this costume is having A GIGANTIC CATFISH jutting out from your arm (see Matt Rainwaters' documentation). I recommend not finding yourself a real catfish, for animal cruelty reasons and stinking to high Heaven reasons.

    Added feature: a dummy arm with missing fingers.

    Boardwalk Empire

    This costume requires some work. Find your best 1920s suit (high-fastening pants, vest, bowler hat and corsage) or dress (silk flapper dress with pearls, dangly earrings and head piece). Hold some gambling chips in one hand a bottle of unmarked booze in the other. Added feature: Go to the Steve Buscemeyes app, add Steve Buscemi's eyes to your photo, print it out and blow it up.

    Tape the terrifying photo of you with Steve Buscemi eyes to your face.

    Patti Smith

    You'll need a white button-up shirt, black ribbon around your neck, black jeans, black blazer and a shaggy self-haircut. Added feature: devilishly handsome hipster boy in leather jacket, no shirt, tight pants and a 35mm camera around his neck, who is holding your hand.

    Empire of the Sun

    Don't fret if you didn't make Michael Jackson's estate sale, raiding your mom's carefully packed-away '80s clothing should be just fine. All you need is a kimono robe or Mom's shoulder-padded waist coat, white gloves, a bag of feathers and some white eye shadow smeared across your face. Bedazzle the living crap out of everything. Make sure to carry a stereo playing MGMT.

    Got other hipster Halloween ideas? Tell us in comments.

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    Unhappy holidays

    Porch pirates swipe nearly $2B in packages from Texas homes this year

    John Egan
    Dec 17, 2025 | 9:30 am
    Porch Pirate Person in Glasses Steals Packages
    Getty Images
    The Grinch isn't the only one stealing Christmas these days.

    ’Tis the season for porch pirates. If past trends are an indicator, the Grinch will swipe close to $2 billion worth of packages delivered to Texas households this year, with many of those thefts happening ahead of the holiday season.

    An analysis of FBI and survey data by ecommerce marketing company Omnisend shows porch pirates stole more than $1.8 billion worth of packages from Texans’ porches last year. Porch pirates hit nearly one-third of the state’s households in 2024, according to the analysis.

    Omnisend’s analysis reveals these statistics about porch piracy in Texas:

    • 30.1 million residential package thefts in 2024.
    • An average household loss of $169 per year.
    • An annual average of 2.9 package thefts per household.

    “Most stolen items are cheap on their own, but add them up, and retailers and consumers are facing an enormous bill,” says Omnisend.

    Another data analysis, this one from The Action Network sports betting platform, unwraps different figures regarding porch piracy in Texas.

    The platform’s 2025 Porch Pirate Index ranks Texas as the state with the highest volume of residential thefts, based on 2023-24 FBI data.

    Researchers at The Action Network uncovered 26,293 reports of personal property thefts at Texas residences during that period. The network’s survey data indicates 5 percent of Texas residents had a package stolen in the three months before the pre-holiday survey.

    The Porch Pirate Index calculates a 25.8 percent risk of a Texas household being victimized by porch pirates, putting it in the No. 5 spot among states with the highest risk of porch piracy.

    The Action Network included online-search volume for terms like “package stolen” and “porch pirates.” Sustained spikes in these searches suggest that “people are actively looking for guidance after something has happened. Search trends serve as an early warning system, revealing emerging-risk areas well before annual crime statistics are released,” the network says.

    Tips to avoid being a victim
    So, how do you prevent porch pirates from snatching packages that end up on your porch? Omnisend, The Action Network and Amazon offer these eight tips:

    1. Closely monitor deliveries and quickly retrieve packages.
    2. Schedule deliveries for times when you’ll be home.
    3. Use delivery lockers or in-store pickup when possible.
    4. Ask delivery services to hide packages in out-of-sight spots outside your home.
    5. Install a visible doorbell camera or security camera.
    6. Coordinate deliveries with neighbors or building managers if you’ll be away from your home when packages are supposed to arrive.
    7. Request that delivery services hold your packages if you can’t be home when they’re scheduled to come.
    8. Illuminate the path to your doorstep and keep porch lights on.
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