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Worst Valentine's Day Gifts Ever

The Worst Valentine's Day Gifts Ever: These love duds squash any sexy thoughts — and guarantee a cold night

Elizabeth Rhodes
Feb 14, 2014 | 7:02 am

Valentine's Day gives you the perfect opportunity to tell your special someone how you feel, but many people still mess it up. In spectacular fashion.

Here's a list of the worst Valentine's Day gifts anyone's likely to receive. Hopefully, your beau didn't make one of these blunders.

1. "Bittersweets" Candies

Forget the playful Sweethearts of your youth. Bittersweets are the perfect way to tell your loved one that things aren't as great as they may seem (and things are really, in fact, over between you two). With messages like "No Mon No Fun," "Tradin U In" and (perhaps the best) "Dog Is Cuter," you can let your (not so) special someone know that they will be having a lonely Valentine's, likely spent eating these tasty, mean-spirited candies.

2. $20 Dinner for Two at IKEA

Don't get me wrong: IKEA food has its place. Unfortunately, it isn't for dinner on Valentine's Day.

Spending all day in the mecca of affordable Scandinavian furniture is fine, just so long as it isn't "the most romantic day of the year" and I'm not forced to eat an unbelievably cheap and rather terrible three-course meal in a food court full of screaming children.

3. Sugar-Free Chocolates

Unless you're buying them for your diabetic grandmother, a box of sugar-free chocolates sends the wrong message to nearly any recipient. Let's choose not to make our loved ones think they should lose some weight on this special day.

Remember: It's Valentine's Day and all diets take that day off.

4. Moss of the Month Club (Six Month Membership)

Ask yourself: Does my special someone love moss? Do they love moss enough to receive it monthly for six months? If you answered "yes," then the "Moss of the Month Club" six-month membership is just what you need!

Not only is the gift completely useless and strange, but it's a great deal since for a one-time payment of only $50, you get $60 to $90 worth of moss and lichens.

5. Valentine's-Themed Boxers

Just think about it this way: Your boyfriend/husband is not going to want anything to do with heart-emblazoned boxers, no matter the holiday. Also, what use are candy hearts on boxers after Valentine's is over?

6. Alessi Figure I Valentini Figurine by Marcello Jori and LPWK

Show your loved one just how much you care with this (not at all scary) bald, conjoined figurine. This strange kiss caught in porcelain truly says it all — if you're trying to be a creep on Valentine's.

7. Gym Membership

So your girlfriend/boyfriend has repeatedly said they want to join a gym. Now is (absolutely) not the time to indulge this wish. Let's try to keep self-esteem high on this special day (which also means avoiding all fitness-related items like workout wear and weights).

8. Chocolate Covered Fortune Cookies

When spending $30 on 12 cookies, they probably shouldn't consist of bland (but pretty) sprinkles and cheap milk chocolate on the tasteless cookies that come with your take-out.

Unlike the adorable messages on Sweethearts, Bittersweets negative comments — ranging from "Booty 2 Big" to "U Left Seat Up" — will have anyone mad at you.

Bittersweets Candies
Despair.com
Unlike the adorable messages on Sweethearts, Bittersweets negative comments — ranging from "Booty 2 Big" to "U Left Seat Up" — will have anyone mad at you.
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to the batcave

Houston park takes flight with bat viewings, chats, and movie night

Jef Rouner
Jul 13, 2026 | 3:30 pm
bats, Mexican free-tail bats
Photo by Ann Froschauer/USFWS/Flickr [https://www.flickr.com/photos/usfwshq/8006844645/]
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The Buffalo Bayou Partnership announced bat-themed summer programming for the 160-acre park near downtown. Houstonians with an interest in the flying mammals will have plenty of ways to appreciate them.

Every Friday evening at sunset through the end of August, Buffalo Bayou Partnership will host two events centered around Houston's most famous bat colony, the 300,000 Mexican free-tailed bats that nest under the Waugh Street Bridge. Visitors get to watch the massive swarm emerge as the sun goes down and the bats hunt insects in the area.

On land, the free Bat Chat event is hosted by the Houston Area Bat Team, including Dr. Cullen Geiselman Muse. She studies the local bat populations and advocates for them based on their helpfulness to Houston.

"Here in Houston, there are insect-eating bats that can consume nearly their body weight in crop pests each night," she said in a statement. "The effects of the bats’ nightly forays add up across space and time. They impact processes ranging from how rainforest regenerate after they are clearcut to how much insecticides farmers use on crops."

People who want a view from the water may take one of the Bat Cruises. These 90-minute trips up and down the bayou cost $30, but do offer one of the most incredible ways to see the emergence. Plus, visitors get to see the area around Buffalo Bayou light up at night. The cruise launches from 1019 Commerce Street, and reservations are required in advance.

Batman Returns

No, one of Houston's most famous urban legends hasn't reemerged. However, BBP is hosting the next best thing: a free screening of the 1992 superhero classic film Batman Returns. Directed by Tim Burton, this Christmas-themed adventure follows Batman (Michael Keaton) as he battles Catwoman (Michelle Pfeiffer) and the Penguin (Danny Devito) as the latter tries to become mayor of Gotham. Houston is deeply tied to Batman Returns as Six Flags AstroWorld once housed the official tie-in rollercoaster, which included a replica of the Batcave, Penguin's duckmobile, and other memorabilia.

The outdoor screening takes place on Saturday, July 25 at The Water Works in Buffalo Bayou Park (105B Sabine Street). Attendees are encouraged to dress up in costumes from the Batman mythos, and the Houston Area Bat Team will give a talk before the movie begins. It starts at 6 pm, and prior registration is required.

Finally, the The Buffalo Bayou Boutique at The Water Works has added bat plushies, stickers, and bandanas (batdanas) to their store. A full list is available on the boutique website.

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