During my morning commute today, while listening to the Madd Hatta Morning Show on 97.9 The Box (the best morning show in Houston, for my money), the DJs enlightened their listeners with a Valentine’s themed top 10 list: The top 10 ways to tell if you’re “the side chick.”

These are they:

10. If you never get flowers delivered to your job and he only gives you generic gifts in person that are not personalized
9. If you have never been in his car because he insists y’all just meet up
8. If you only meet up at the same time of the day at the same locations that are close to your house, not his
7. If he always pays with cash when y’all meet up
6. If y’all only hook up at your house or an hourly spot
5. If he never mentions your name while he’s on the phone and only refers to you as his gal, shawty, wifey, babe, or boo
4. If he doesn’t write anything on your Facebook wall or mention you on Twitter
3. If you’ve never met any of his friends or family
2. If y’all don’t have sex today
1. If you “celebrated” Valentine’s Day on Friday, Saturday and or Sunday, but you don’t have plans today.

Some were more common sense — if you’ve never met any friends or family, if you’ve never seen the inside of his car — but others were less obvious. I’d never really thought about paying cash being a red flag (no paper trail) and now, past flings always offering to come to me seems less considerate than clandestine.

This, combined with the high-larious Valentine’s Day card section I found at my local Randall’s for “new or casual relationships” (equally appropriate whether you’ve just started dating, or aren’t even sure you are dating) has me thinking we need another list: Top 10 Ways to Tell if You’re the Girlfriend.

Although Facebook has made it easier, or at least more obvious, it can still be difficult to discern how serious your relationship is, or just how far into couple-dom you really are.

As always, we’re here to make it easier for you:

10. If you’ve stopped getting even those generic, un-personalized gifts, you’re probably The Girlfriend.

9. If you’ve not only been inside, but washed his car, you’re probably The Girlfriend.

8. If your regular meet-up spot is after work, on the couch, you’re probably The Girlfriend.

7. If you get flowers on Feb. 15, you’re probably The Girlfriend.

6. If you split the bill(s) — cash or credit — you’re probably The Girlfriend.

5. If your hook-up locales are predictable and the timing’s like clockwork (after Law and Order, before the next Law and Order), you’re probably The Girlfriend.

4. If he never mentions your name on the phone, but instead rolls you into the universal "we," you're probably The Girlfriend.

3. If he doesn't write on your Facebook wall but you're in his profile picture, you're probably The Girlfriend.

2. If he knows you completely, and he likes you anyway, you’re probably The Girlfriend.

1. If you don’t have sex today, you’re probably Married.