Yacht or pontoon? Discover your boating style at the Houston Boat Show

I walked into Reliant Center with the autotuned strains of T-Pain and Lonely Island singing "I'm on a Boat!" in my head.

The Houston International Boat, Sport & Travel Show is the largest indoor boat show in the country (as well as one of the oldest) and the perfect place to indulge my inner boat enthusiast.

But in a room with dinghies, yachts and everything in between, there was only one question: What kind of boater am I?

First there's the low-slung, practical pontoon boats, some of which are decorated in a woodsy camo theme that matches my late-90s cargo pants. I could cross it off because I'm not going boat-bound to hunt or fish, but the name "pontoon" seals the deal. The word itself sounds like something smelly you find in the back of your fridge. Pon-toooooon.

Next I discover an entirely different kind of boat. Full of glitter seats, add-on speakers, and bright, flaming paint jobs of red, lemon yellow, hot pink and electric blue, I've wandered into the land of Hummers on water. I'm sure there's plenty of cooler storage (the better to shotgun a Natty Light, brah) and a wicked sweet sound system that may or may not come with Journey tunes pre-loaded, but these boats will never be my style. If I rejected a pontoon because it was ugly, I'm rejecting these floating disasters because they hurt my eyes.

Instead I'm quickly drawn to the beautiful boats on display from the Antique & Classic Boat Society. Trim and adorable, with gleaming wood paneling, mid-century crafts like the "Burban & Water" look like something out of a classic preppy catalog, like they'd be the preferred toy of a Kennedy (and not just because it's named after a cocktail). I imagine jaunts off the coast of Martha's Vineyard with a blazer-clad Hugh Dancy with my hair wrapped in a Hermés scarf.

But if glamor is what I'm looking for, there's no substitute for a yacht. Near the middle of the room sit the biggest, most luxe boats at the show. Even the carpeting between the just-impressive and the awe-inspiring vessels is littered with gold coins, as if to remind visitors that they better have plenty of coin to dream this big.

I climb up to the biggest boat, a 39-foot two-story yacht. It's the kind of boat Jay-Z and Beyoncé are seen lounging on in St. Barths. If the classic boats are old luxury, this yacht is all about modern glam. I belong here. But even though this is the best deal to get on a boat — prices are lowest at the winter boat show because boat dealers and factories give the best incentives to clear out inventory for the new models — the $400k is still a little out of my price range.

Oh well. I may not being going home with a boat anytime soon (sorry, T-Pain!). But I can hang out on the top deck for a while, pretend the halogen lights are the Mediterranean sun, close my eyes, and dream.