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    What's a punch between Frenemies?

    Disney Demi's downer: Are eating disorders & drug videos making the sex tapes of yesterday look quaint?

    Jennifer patterson
    Nov 13, 2010 | 6:10 pm
    Is she stoned? Pretty sure she's stoned.

    Is video footage of celebrity drug use the new sex tape? Disney starlet Demi Lovato reportedly got caught in front of the camera with her nose in some powder.

    A so-called "friend" claims to have witnessed the 18-year-old do lines of coke at a party in North Richland Hills, Texas. She further claims, “Demi was belligerent and being slutty and doing coke all over the house. The guy who hosted the party shot multiple videos of this and what I’ve seen with my eyes, Demi is screaming, ‘F– – all of you, I’m famous, I don’t care what any of you think of me the whole world loves me.’ He shot her in the bathroom as she was finishing a line (of cocaine).”

    You would think that no one would be stupid enough to shout, “I’m famous!” while snorting coke “all over the house.” But you’d also think that hipsters would use the stall when cutting lines in the Boondocks’ bathroom. You would think a lot of things. But blow + booze = loud, unwarranted confidence.

    This isn’t the first time Demi’s behavior has made headlines. Halloween weekend the Disney star reached her breaking point and allegedly punched backup dancer Alex Welch, who Demi believed snitched on her for partying.

    (I don’t understand why people are making this such a big deal. I punch people all the time, no cocaine needed.)

    Some attribute Demi’s antics to her proximity to ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas. The two had an intense romance before he ditched her for Twilight hottie Ashley Greene. It took me two years to even look at my ex without crying, and she was on tour with hers? That’s a recipe for a nervous breakdown.

    Earlier this week Demi experienced such a breakdown and checked into rehab, citing cutting and anorexia (cough, cough, coke?) Drug use or eating disorder, she certainly has slimmed down. She was far from fat, but when compared with twiggy Disney stars Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus, Demi looked thicker. The tabloids even posted “bottom-heavy” swimsuit photos of the teenager and suggested she watch her diet.

    I understand she felt pressured to be Hollywood-thin, but why even consider resorting to cocaine? This isn’t 1982. Why couldn’t she be a normal celebrity and sprinkle her latte with pulverized Ritalin?

    Demi has since abandoned the Jonas Brothers' tour and shut down her Twitter account in preparation for rehab. With no one claiming to film her vacuuming-up drugs and no dancers to punch, what will she do to pass the time?

    I've compiled an acitvity list for Demi and anyone else en route to rehab:

    Rehab Activities:

    1. Do lots of drugs (duh).
    2. Develop alcoholism to cope with your drug addiction.
    3. Become pen-pals with Lindsay Lohan.
    4. Insist to Lindsay that your rehab facility has better food/ dorms/ cocaine.
    5. Hook up with everyone.
    6. Start an anonymous gossip blog about the other patients.
    7. Fall in love with your therapist.
    8. Reinact Sandra Bullock’s scenes from 28 Days.
    9. Leave your therapist for a cute heroin addict.
    10. Don’t actually go to rehab. Just use it as a cover while you get micro-lipo.

    Demi Lovato

    unspecified
    news/entertainment

    Movie Review

    Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

    Alex Bentley
    Dec 26, 2025 | 2:30 pm
    Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda
    Photo by Matt Grace
    Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

    In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

    The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

    Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

    Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

    The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

    It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

    Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

    Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

    ---

    Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

    moviesfilm
    news/entertainment
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