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    that's one lucky card

    Ken Hoffman on why you should always keep your Costco card handy

    Ken Hoffman
    Aug 3, 2020 | 1:07 pm

    I'm all about Costco. I go there practically every weekend to buy more than I'll ever need, like a 55-gallon drum of ketchup, and I don't even like ketchup. I can't pass up — or rationalize — the bargain. And I love, love, love those giant $1.50 hot dogs with unlimited cups of Diet Pepsi.

    It's the best lunchtime deal anywhere, anytime, period. So I'm used to my Costco card saving me money.

    Last week, my Costco card saved the day.

    I flew to Midland for a quick visit on Thursday of last week. The flight went smoothly, We arrived a few minutes early at Midland International Airport. Not sure why they call it Midland International Airport since there are no flights to/from Midland anyplace outside the U.S. It's not my concern.

    My return flight to Houston was scheduled for 5:50 pm. Saturday. I got to the airport an hour early, and walked up to the counter for my boarding pass. "I'll need to see your driver's license," the gate agent said. I reached for my wallet, opened the slot on the right side and ...

    Where's my driver's license? Let's not panic. Check your pockets. Nope. Maybe I stuck it in the pants I wore when I flew to Midland. There was no one in line behind me, so I opened by bag and dug out my Thursday pants.

    No license. I tore through my wallet again. No license. I looked in shirt pockets, opened my laptop, rummaged through the entire bag, clean and dirty laundry. No license.

    I don't need this to happen. I need to get back to Houston, and I don't have the one item that I must produce to get on that plane. Obviously I had my license when I left Houston on Thursday. It had to drop out of my wallet in Midland. The only restaurant I visited was Bush's fried chicken joint. (We really need to get a Bush's in Houston. They must quadruple-dip their chicken in breading, it's so thick and crunchy and greasy. In fact, if they could eliminate the chicken altogether, Bush's would shove Chick-fil-A to the back of the line.)

    Now I'm at the airport in Midland, all dressed up and I'm stuck with no driver's license. The agent asked, "Do you have some other government-issue ID with your photo on it?"

    No I don't. I have a passport, but it's home in my sock drawer. I have a $20 bill, but that's not my photo on it. I have a gift card for a free dozen chocolate chip cookies at Tiff's, no photo.

    I started thinking, what are my options? I can't rent a car and drive back to Houston, they'd want my driver's license, too. I could apply online for a replacement license, but the form required my driver's license number ... like I know my driver's license number? The easiest thing might be to click on apartments.com and have Jeff Goldblum find me a nice two-bedroom near Bush's chicken.

    I've recently written something for the Midland Reporter-Telegram newspaper, maybe they're hiring. Biggest story while I was in Midland — they're changing the name of Robert E. Lee High School to something less offensive to be decided later.

    The agent said, "Why don't you go talk to TSA and see if there's anything they can do. Here's a boarding pass, just in case."

    I wasn't optimistic. Security is super tight at airports, TSA doesn't mess around. I told the TSA security person, "I lost my driver's license, but here's my boarding pass. Is there any way you can verify who I am and let me get on the plane?" The agent said, "Do you have any other ID in your wallet?"

    I was going to say, "How do you feel about a dozen chocolate chip cookies?" I emptied my wallet, the Tiff's card, a debit card, my key card for work, my Triple A card, etc.

    He said, "Let me see that one." It was my Costco card, with a tiny blurry photo of me on the back. He looked at the photo, told me to take off my Astros cap, and called over a couple of other TSA people, including the supervisor on duty. They looked at the Costco card, looked at me, looked at the Costco card again.

    The supervisor gave a nod. The agent said, "You're good, have a nice flight."

    My Costco card got me on that plane back to Houston! I was never so happy to get onboard.

    Except for one small, huge detail: Note to Southwest. While I appreciated your announcement that every passenger must wear a face mask that covers your mouth and nose, it might be a good idea, when you stroll down the aisle to check seat belts, also check that everybody wears their face mask properly. And do this several times during the flight. I saw a couple of people near me lower their face masks till they barely covered their chins. They said they couldn't hear each other with masks on. Not cool. Not smart. Not safe. Karens.

    Pet of the week

    Name: Lola, as in the Kinks' classic rocker "Lola": "I met her in a club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca-Cola." I guess it's better than just watering down their drinks.

    Birthdate: July 7, 2018. In the dog world, they call it the "Terrific Twos." Terrible twos are for humans and other lower life forms.

    Ethnicity: I'm a special needs bull terrier mix girly girl. I'm deaf, so I'll need an owner with lots of patience and an extra big, loving heart. Perhaps somebody who's had experience with a deaf pooch. Anyway, I'll never let my lack of hearing stop me. I'm a sweetheart of a dog who loves to cuddle and hang out with my owner (you). I'm an inside dog who is playful and lots of fun.

    I weigh 50 pounds which is the perfect size for a friend. We can play tug of war and I'll even let you win, but not all the time. Hey, I got self-esteem, you know. I'm good with children and other pooches, just an overall great companion to share your life. I'm groomed, spayed and checked out A+ by a prominent vet.

    Come and get me: If you're interested in bringing me home, drop an email to adoptions@cap4pets.org. Tell them Ken sent you and you'll get the insider treatment.

    This shopping card comes in really handy in a pinch.

    Costso card
      
    Costco/Facebook
    This shopping card comes in really handy in a pinch.
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    game, set, zina.

    Best of Ken Hoffman: Interviewing Houston's greatest tennis icon

    Ken Hoffman
    Aug 29, 2024 | 12:30 pm
    Zina Garrison, tennis player
    ITATennis
    Garrison, a tennis legend, is now the tennis director of Houston Parks and Recreation.

    Editor's note: After the sudden death of beloved columnist Ken Hoffman on July 14, CultureMap is republishing some of our favorite "Hoffman's Houston" columns. In honor of the U.S. Open, here's Ken's interview with Houston tennis legend Zina Garrison; it was originally published on June 27, 2022.

    As a child, Zina Garrison learned how to hit a tennis ball on the public courts at MacGregor Park during the 1970s and became, simply, the most accomplished player ever from Houston.

    She developed into a Grand Slam champion, a Top 5 ranking in the world, Wimbledon finalist in 1990 with 20 tournament titles, Federation Cup captain, and Olympic gold medal winner and later Olympic coach.

    Now Garrison is back where she started, only this time she’s devoted to making Houston a great place to learn and play tennis … again. Like she did.

    “I am now the tennis director of Houston Parks and Recreation,” Garrison tells me. “I’m over all the public tennis programs and facilities. The job came open recently and I applied for it.”

    Wait... she’s the greatest champion this city has ever produced — and she had to apply for that job?

    “To be honest, I was more interested in the benefits than the money. As you get older, you start thinking differently,” she shares.

    Unlike the major sports leagues in America, tennis doesn’t provide any healthcare insurance or assistance once a player, even a legend, retires.

    “They’re working on it,” Garrison, 58, notes. “But as of now, nothing.”

    Garrison said her first priority as Houston’s tennis director is to repair the public courts.

    “I want to bring the public tennis facilities up to where I’d be proud, where everybody would be proud, to bring people to use our courts. There are cracks in the courts. Nothing’s really been done in the last 20 or maybe 30 years,” she says.

    “I’ve traveled to Florida and some other places and they have really nice public courts. Tennis in Houston was really thriving for a while and we had nice courts and people could play in the parks. We had junior programs. We flourished. That’s my main goal.”

    While I had Garrison on the phone, I served up some questions:

    CultureMap: Wimbledon is on. You’re familiar with that tournament, right? Who are your picks to win the men’s side and women’s side?

    Zina Garrison: Yes, I’m familiar with Wimbledon. I have my alarm set for the early morning so I can watch. I have a weird pick, a more personal pick, for the men.

    I would love to see Rafael Nadal keep going on, but it’s going to be tough for him. The guy from Italy, Matteo Berrettini, I watched him play a couple of weeks ago and I think he’s going to surprise a lot of people. And I am absolutely in love with that little guy, Carlos Alcaraz, from Spain. He’s made me watch tennis again.

    On the women’s side, I don’t think it will be Iga Swiatek. I think it’s just too hard to keep a streak like hers (35 matches in a row including the French Open title) going in today’s game. It’s really wide open. I don’t really have a pick, it’s just who comes in and plays well at the right time.

    CM: What do you think about Natela Dzalamidze, the doubles player from Russian who switched her nationality to Georgia so she could play Wimbledon, which has banned players from Russian and Belarus this year?

    ZG: I don’t like that she was able to do that. I was just on the phone with (former pro turned broadcaster) Chanda Rubin talking about what’s going on in tennis these days.

    First of all, there is the human rights stuff that’s going on in Russia and Ukraine. We have to start forcing accountability for actions. A lot of people didn’t agree with what Wimbledon did, but I think they had to take a stand.

    CM: The women’s GOAT is easy — it’s Serena. But who do you think is the men’s GOAT?

    ZG: Wow, that’s a hard one. If you had asked me earlier this year, I would have said Roger Federer because of everything he’s accomplished. But right now I’m going to have to go with Nadal. Nadal has taken tennis to a whole ‘nother level, of getting people to watch, coming out of the pandemic, where he has matches and you think he can’t come back and he’s still grinding no matter what.

    For me, he is the epitome of what we need in this world right now: Never give up but not be selfish about helping others. I know it sounds clichéd, but that’s what I’m going through right now.

    CM: When I first met you, you were painfully shy. It was hard to get an answer out of you. Now you’re a TV commentator and a regular chatterbox. What happened?

    ZG: I was an introvert but I had always been intrigued by people of wisdom. A lot of it came as I developed confidence in myself. I had always been told at a very young age, if you really knew me, I spoke a lot. If you didn’t know me, I would be quiet. I would only speak about things that I was extremely passionate about.

    As I’ve gotten older, because of my experiences. I feel like I can help people so I’m not afraid to say what I want to say.

    CM: Starting the week after Wimbledon, coaches will be allowed to communicate with men players during matches. Up to now, that’s only been allowed in the women’s game. Every other sport allows coaching. Do you think tennis should allow coaching, too?

    ZG: I don’t think coaching should be allowed. That’s one of the great things about tennis. That’s a part of the sport, that you grow and figure things out. You learn to think for yourself.

    There’s always been little signals from coaches, but now you have these full blown conversations. Another bad thing about allowing coaching is it gives the players the opportunity to blame a loss their coach. That’s not good for the sport.

    CM: You were known for wiggling your butt when receiving serve. Did you know you were doing it? Did you do that on purpose?

    ZG: It started off as kind of a joke with my coaches. They said, we need you to move your feet. I said, you mean like this?

    So, it started as a joke but I realized that it helped get my feet moving: Okay, I’m going to keep doing this.

    I’ll never forget that year after I got to the Wimbledon finals, 1990, I went over to Japan and there were 1,200 people there … and all of them started wiggling!

    CM: What was the first extravagant thing you bought for yourself when the tennis prize money started rolling in?

    ZG: It was 1982, and I bought a candy apple red Volkswagen convertible with a white top.

    CM: You were on the Biggest Loser, the show where contestants compete against each other to lose weight. Let’s just say you didn’t win. Are you happy you went on that show, or do you regret it?

    ZG: I was one of the first who had to leave the competition. (No, you were THE first.) It was an experience, but I probably shouldn’t have done it. I think I regret going on there. It wasn’t what I thought it was.

    It was reality TV and at the time I didn’t know what reality TV was .I was more ready to get out of there than anything else.

    CM: Now here’s the big question, Zina. For years, I’ve had a running disagreement with ESPN 97.5 FM morning host John Granato about which is a more demanding, tougher sport – golf or tennis?

    Granato says it’s golf, because the tournament winner has to beat every other player that week, while in tennis the winner just has to beat seven players at most. And, each week, golfers have to contend with a different course.

    But, I say it’s tennis because players have to be in top physical condition, while nearly anyone in any shape can win a golf major.

    Plus, in golf, players have a caddy helping them make decisions. In tennis, players are on their own.

    In golf, you can have a bad day on Thursday and still win the tournament. In tennis, if you have a bad day in the opening round, you’re on a plane out of there.

    In golf, it’s the player against the course. There’s no defense in golf. In tennis, there’s a human opponent trying to beat you.

    In golf, the ball is lying still. In tennis the ball is coming at you at 140 mph.

    So which is the tougher sport, golf or tennis? I’m right ... right?

    ZG: Are you serious? Who is this guy who says golf is harder? The answer is tennis and it’s not even close.

    You’re playing against someone. You’re only controlling the ball when it’s on your side of the net. You can’t control what the other player is doing. It’s almost like a boxer coming at you.

    You have to have both the physical and mental capacity to win. In golf, if you have a bad day, it’s because you’re having that bad day. There’s no opponent competing with you. So, I’m saying it’s tennis.

    CM (note to John Granato): I win. Granted, it might have been the way I asked the question. Also, Garrison is a former tennis pro.

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