Romance & rhinestones

Jason Aldean celebrates redneck culture at rambunctious Rodeo concert

Jason Aldean appeared for the fifth consecutive year at RodeoHouston on Tuesday night. I have every reason to believe he will make it back next year for a sixth straight appearance. I have put together a simple 20-step guide on how to enjoy an Aldean show when he inevitably returns, based on my observations from this year's rambunctious show.

Step One: Put a ton of thought into your wardrobe

This is not going to be a country music concert as much as it's going to be a celebration of redneck culture, amplified. Men; neon plaid pearl snaps or -shirts with eagles and bulls are acceptable, but please keep them tucked into your Wranglers. Ladies, your jean pockets MUST contain rhinestones. The more flair, the more rodeo cred. Also acceptable are boots worn with dresses, cut off shorts with pockets that extend past the shorts themselves, and plaid.

Step Two: Take the light rail

Riding the rail to and from RodeoHouston will ensure that you maximize your people-watching potential, and the Ensemble/HCC station is within walking distance from some lively after-rodeo bars and of course the Continental Club.

Step Two: Get some carnival food

After getting off at Reliant Park station, take a stroll through the carnival before stopping for pierogi at Polinia's booth. In fact, get the combo with the cabbage roll and sausage. It's a great deal, and you've got a long night of country amp-rock ahead of you.

Step Four (for beer lovers): Get crafty

Once inside Reliant Stadium, don't go for the deceptive Third Shift/Blue Moon psuedo-craft beer oases throughout the concourse. If you're willing to walk all the way to the south end zone, there is Karbach and St. Arnold. Get it, and go grab a seat.

Step Five: Take a Selfie with your beer and all decked out in your rodeo garb

Post it to Instagram if you're under 25, post it to Twitter if you're between 25 and 40, and post it to Facebook if you're still using Facebook. Hashtag #Hicktown.

Step Six: Clown around

Continue to check your social media app of choice while awaiting the show's start, pausing briefly to watch Barrel Racing, Mutton Bustin', and the antics of Leon Coffee, everyone's favorite rodeo clown.

Step Seven: Get crazy

As the concert begins, forget everything that you knew about country and bask in the delay pedal guitar glory and thrashing drums that opens up "Crazy Town."

Step Eight (for ladies:) Let's dance

Grab four of your friends and treat the aisles of Reliant Stadium like a Saturday night at Wild West. Let the music guide you and dance, dance, dance. Don't hold back. The show depends on your performance just as much as Aldean's bravado.

Step Nine: Sing along

Sing along to every word of "When She Says Baby." If you don't know the words, that's OK. Reliant Stadium puts them on a LED screen in the corner of the building, and it's quite helpful.

Step Ten: Scream like crazy

Scream like crazy when Luke Bryan and Eric Church are introduced by Aldean as co-writers of "The Only Way I Know"...then deflate like a balloon when Aldean breaks the news that those two aren't actually here.

Step Eleven: After singing along for less than a verse of "The Only Way I Know," forget that Step Ten ever happened.

Step Twelve (applies exclusively to Jason Aldean): You're totally in control. Own that stage. Strut around, pump your fist, be yourself. Adapt lyrics to make the citizens of the city you're playing in feel special (I.E. sing ..."girls of Houston,Texas..", "...tattoos on this Texas town...", etc.)

Step Thirteen (applies exclusively to Aldean's drummer): Spin those sticks like your life depends on it. Remember, this isn't so much a concert as a public display of amplification. The more cowbell the better. You're not Jason Aldean, but the camera is going to be on you. A lot. Make the most out of that screen time. Drum with your face.

Step Fourteen: When Aldean sings "Amarillo Sky" from his self-titled debut album, there's actually a pretty bit of farming imagery in the lyrics. Listen closely. It's not Steinbeck, but it's there and it's going to be the highlight of the show. Perhaps the most sincere moment of the entire night.

Step Fifteen (for guys:) When Aldean asks "Where's all my dude's in the house tonight?" it's appropriate to respond loudly in an extra deep voice in order to prove that you are in fact a dude. Aldean can't see that far into the stands, so the vocal cues really help.

Step Sixteen: Do not, I repeat, do not, take Aldean's advice to buy a bottle of Southern Comfort after the show and take your girl to the outskirts of town. You're better than that and it won't turn out like the lyrics of "Night Train," I can almost guarantee.

Step Seventeen: It's a much better idea to relive the lyrics to "Tattoos on this Town" after the show. Go to The Hideout and dance to some honky-tonk music, or head to the carnival and win your sweetie a prize. Remember, you took the light rail to Reliant. There are a large amount of very cool bars and music venues along Main Street that will memorably extend anyone's Tuesday night. Have fun. Live it up.

Step Eighteen: There's a country-rap delivery in the middle of "Dirt Road Anthem." It's a lot of fun to chant along to, but be sure you get the words right.

Step Nineteen: If the words in Step Eighteen escape you, wave your hands back and forth during the chorus of "Dirt Road Anthem." It looks really cool when 72,088 fans in Reliant Stadium do it in unison.

Step Twenty: Starting with "She's Country" and ending with the show closer, "Hicktown," the last three songs of the set are an opportunity to do everything you've been doing throughout the show — only bigger, better, and louder. Though remember, kids are watching.

Setlist:

Crazy Town
Take a Little Ride
When She Says Baby
Big Green Tractor
The Only Way I Know
Fly Over States
Johnny Cash
Amarillo Sky
Night Train
Tattoos on this Town
Dirt Road Anthem
She's Country
My Kinda Party
Hicktown

Jason Aldean performed before a RodeoHouston crowd of 72,088.

Photo by Michelle Watson Catchlight Group

Jason Aldean performed before a RodeoHouston crowd of 72,088.

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Movie Review

Ben Affleck cooks the books in chaotic sequel The Accountant 2

Photo by Warrick Page/Prime

Jon Bernthal and Ben Affleck in The Accountant 2.

In this Hollywood era of franchises, finding one to call their own is a priority for many movie stars. Over 30 years into his career, Ben Affleck had yet to find one; he did star as Batman in multiple movies, but that role has been interchangeable. He seemed to get a prime action hero role with 2016’s The Accountant, but somehow it’s taken nine years for The Accountant 2 to come out.

Affleck’s character of Christian Wolff is a high-functioning autistic man whose abilities to comb through mounds of data quickly and efficiently are matched only by his fighting skills. When Ray King (J.K. Simmons), a former Treasury agent who had previously hunted Christian, is murdered, King’s replacement, Marybeth Medina (Cynthia Addai-Robinson), calls on Christian to help figure out what happened and track down his killer.

The search quickly finds multiple criminal conspiracies, including a hitman ring, a scheme to abduct migrants, and more. Naturally, Wolff claims to need help in the endeavor, so his mercenary brother Braxton (Jon Bernthal) soon joins in on the quest. The two brothers work together to figure out the puzzle while also stopping to have some fun every now and then.

Directed by Gavin O’Connor and written by Bill Dubuque (both returning from the original), the film feels like it is missing many connective scenes. It often starts down one road and seems to be making good progress when it suddenly veers into another storytelling lane with no explanation. This happens multiple times throughout the film, to the point that it becomes almost impossible to tell what the main story is supposed to be.

In the first film, the oddity of having an autistic math genius also being a world-class marksman and fighter somehow made sense. This film leans much more into Christian’s physical skills, with the autistic side of things showing up in his (mostly) emotionless demeanor. While that works to a certain degree, the choppiness of the story undercuts the character traits that Affleck does his best to impart.

The best examples of the messiness of the film come in the multiple scenes that serve as nothing more than comic relief, with not even an attempt at connecting them to the main plot, such as it is. Two of them involve Christian proving himself to be a ladies man despite his lack of conversational skills, both of which fall flat as they seem to be making fun of his autism rather than highlighting positive aspects of it. Each of the comic scenes is so disparate in tone from the rest of the film that they essentially bring the story to a screeching halt.

Affleck is fine in the part, although he’s much better when Christian turns toward action hero mode than when he has to display the character’s autistic traits. Bernthal is great at being an over-the-top macho guy, and he gets to indulge that side of him throughout the film. Addai-Robinson is disserved by a role that doesn’t give her character any autonomy despite her high-powered position.

Affleck’s career has been one of the most up-and-down ones of any supposed A-list actor, and The Accountant 2 marks another down moment for him. He may have finally gotten his first sequel for a film in which he’s the main character, but don’t expect there to be a third installment.

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The Accountant 2 opens in theaters on April 25.

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