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    a supposedly fun thing

    Best of Ken Hoffman: Galveston casino boat sails into uncharted waters

    Ken Hoffman
    Aug 7, 2024 | 2:48 pm

    Editor's note: After the sudden death of beloved columnist Ken Hoffman on July 14, CultureMap is republishing some of our favorite "Hoffman's Houston" columns. Here's Ken telling the hilarious story of a gambling cruise gone wrong; it was originally published on June 5, 2017.

    It hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing for the Jacks or Better gambling boat in Galveston.

    The boat’s maiden voyage was April 6. Between rough seas that canceled more than a dozen departures, damage from hitting a buoy that put the boat in dry dock several days, and seasick guests backing up toilets and sinks with vomit … the boat is looking for calmer waters this summer.

    Jacks or Better has sailings scheduled every day, and twice on Fridays and Saturdays. The cruises generally take between six and seven hours. Tickets are $15, including two free drink tickets.

    It’s about a one-hour drive from Houston to Galveston. You want to arrive a half-hour early, a built-in safety against those inexplicable traffic jams on I-45. (“It’s 2 pm on Tuesday, why is traffic backed up?”) Once the boat leaves port, it takes about 1-1/2 hours to reach federal waters, 9.1 miles offshore, where it’s legal for the captain to say, “Let the games begin.” The boat has 180 slot machines and tables for shootout poker, blackjack, craps, chuck-a-luck, and other games.

    It’s supposed to have sports wagering, where you can bet on any college or pro event anywhere in the world, from French Open tennis to World Cup soccer to Aussie cricket to American baseball and football games. Supposedly.

    Ready to set sail? A friend and I recently boarded the Jacks or Better boat for a Saturday afternoon cruise. We’ll have to call my friend “Oscar.” I can’t use his real name because he lied to his boss to get off work that day. This is the kind of friends I have.

    Before sailing, I took to Yelp and read horror story reviews about passengers getting seasick on the boat, complete with nasty photos of clogged toilets. There were some positive, fun-filled reviews, too. It all depended on how rough the seas were that day.

    Not taking chances, Oscar and I popped a couple of Dramamine motion sickness pills – the “All Day Less Drowsy” formula – an hour before departure.

    The boat is 150 feet long and can hold 360 passengers and 54 crew members. I’m guessing that most of the passengers didn’t know about the 3- to 4-foot seas predicted that day.

    Passengers began climbing aboard and some immediately cashed in their two free drink tickets. They’ll pay for that later.

    The Jacks or Better boat has three decks. The first deck is covered with slot machines. The second deck has gaming tables and a snack bar offering burgers, nachos, chicken sandwiches, Buffalo wings, and “Galveston cheesesteaks.” The most expensive item on the menu is $8. The upstairs, open-air observation deck has lounge chairs and live entertainment. On my cruise, there was karaoke.

    As George Costanza said on Seinfeld, – “The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.”

    Wobbly and woozy
    Thirty minutes into the trip, the boat got wobbly and passengers got woozy. Warning: Here’s where this column gets pretty graphic. If you’re reading this while eating, stop doing one of them.

    I’ve seen fewer sick people in the Ben Taub Hospital emergency room. Crew members began roaming the boat with trays piled high with sickness bags and crackers. Like waiters serving hors d’oeuvres at a wedding party. Passengers were stumbling aimlessly, bumping into furniture and slamming into walls, like babies taking their first steps, or town drunk Otis Campbell on The Andy Griffith Show.

    People were puking in public, there was no time for shame. A guy at the snack bar was calmly eating spicy Buffalo wings while a man sitting next to him was retching into a vomit bag.

    Never saw that before.

    I counted only 22 people actually gambling. Most were upstairs with their faces in a paper bag, or passed out on the floor, or sleeping with their heads pressed against a slot machine. That can’t possibly feel good.

    Jacks or Better has a policy: If you get seasick during the cruise, upon returning to shore, the company will give you a free pass for another trip, plus a $20 chip to use at a gaming table. If you’re thinking of going on the gambling boat, you might want to click at jacksorbettercasino.com first to check on sailing conditions. The Gulf of Mexico typically is much calmer during June, July, and August. “In two weeks, the water will be like glass,” I was told.

    I asked a crew member, "Where do I place a sports bet?" I was told to “See that guy over there.” My whole reason for taking this voyage from hell (tip of the Hatlo Hat to Richard Lewis) was to place a parlay bet: Rafael Nadal to win the French Open and the Astros to win that night’s game. Betting on the Astros this season is like stealing money.

    The sports manager told me, “Sorry, our sports machines haven’t arrived yet. They’ll be here in a few weeks.”

    You mean I got on this seasick infirmary for nothing?

    Much, much worse
    And that’s when things turned for the much, much worse.

    Oscar and I grabbed a table at the snack bar to wait out the cruise. Five minutes later, and I swear this happened, a man staggered toward us. His face was green. He was ready to blow like Mount St. Helens. But instead of finishing his journey to the restroom, he collapsed into a chair at MY TABLE (good name for a magazine) and let fly.

    That’s when I lost it – my temper, not my lunch. Remember I took a couple of Dramamine. I bolted up and screamed at him, “That’s disgusting. What’s wrong with you? Why didn’t you go to the bathroom and do that?”

    The guy could barely lift his head. “I couldn’t help it.”

    A crew member, carrying a bucket and mop, apologized for this incident. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

    I asked him, “This is some job you have. What do you use to get puke out of carpet?”

    Here’s your household hint of the day (Hello, Heloise.) The Jacks or Better crew uses D-VOUR Absorbent Powder, which “devours liquids such as spilled bodily fluids as it eliminated odors.” They must buy it by the case at Costco.

    So many passengers were sick, and so few gambling, that the captain decided to cut the cruise short by an hour and head back to land.

    I didn’t see anybody asking for their free ticket and $20 chip to come back.


    The Jacks or Better boat takes gamblers into federal waters from Galveston.

    Jacks or Better gambling boat casino
    Courtesy photo
    The Jacks or Better boat takes gamblers into federal waters from Galveston.
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    Notes from a chef

    Globe-trotting Houston chef reviews Noma's $1,500 Los Angeles pop-up

    CultureMap Staff
    Oct 9, 2026 | 4:00 pm
    David Skinner Noma Los Angeles
    Courtesy of David Skinner
    Pink pepper Dungeness crab.

    [Editor’s note: When David Skinner, chef and owner of Kemah’s celebrated eculent and Ishtia restaurants, offered to share his experience eating at one of the world’s best restaurants, we said, of course. Read on for his experience at Copenhagen restaurant Noma’s pop-up in Los Angeles that took place this summer. Take it away, David.]

    The crab was alive a few minutes before I ate it.

    Just before service, the kitchen broke down a Dungeness crab and set it over open charcoal, the downtown Los Angeles skyline behind the smoke. It came to the table wreathed in dried pink pepper branches, with a butter sauce built on the same pepper. I've eaten crab all over the world — this was maybe the best crab ever.

    That was the first of 17 courses at Noma LA, and the best bite of the afternoon. Leading with your best shot is either confidence or a statement. By the end of lunch, I'd decided it was both.

    The residency had begun in turmoil. Founder René Redzepi stepped away from the residency the day it opened, following a news investigation into allegations of demeaning treatment of staff — conduct that had been discussed in industry circles for years. Protesters gathered at the gate that day. The kitchen, led by Pablo Soto, carried on through the residency's close on June 26.

    I went for lunch at the Paramour Estate, the 1920s Mediterranean mansion in Silver Lake that Noma called home for 16 weeks. For more than 30 years, I've traveled the world in search of culture, a little mystery, and always food, eating everywhere from strangers' kitchen tables to three-Michelin-star dining rooms.

    As the chef behind eculent and Ishtia in Kemah, I also eat with a cook's eye — which means I'll tell you what was brilliant and what was oversalted. Noma LA had a little of both, but after a half dozen meals at Noma over the past 10 years, I can say this one was a standout.

    The setup

    The logistics alone are remarkable. Noma relocated roughly 130 staff members and their families to Los Angeles and built a pantry sourced within 300 miles of the mansion. Lunch ran 17 courses over about four hours at $1,500 per person, including beverages and gratuity.

    Chef Soto greeted us at the entrance with the full kitchen staff, a Noma tradition. By the time I arrived, the protesters were long gone, and the brigade seemed to be cooking with a sense of relief.

    Rather than choose between the wine pairing and the nonalcoholic program, we asked our server, Mara, to mix the two course by course. She nailed it, moving from a sparkling rose-and-pink-pepper drink to a bright cherimoya lemonade to a 25-year-old Tony Coturri zinfandel from Glen Ellen that became the table's favorite pour.

    The standouts

    The crab. It opened the meal, and nothing that followed topped it. The pink pepper did double duty with the dried branches perfuming the shell, the butter sauce carrying a gentle heat — the sweet, smoky meat needed nothing else. Alongside came a 2022 Phelan Farm chardonnay from Rajat Parr's Cambria operation: white Burgundy in spirit, California in its bones.

    The cactus. Pickled tacinga cactus, marinated in Oaxacan mezcal and citrus and crowned with honeypot ants, arrived beneath a live cactus paddle with a eucalyptus handle.

    The acorn. A single braised acorn, glazed with black pepper, sat atop an uni custard made with Santa Barbara sea urchin and caviar in hoja santa oil. The server described it as a nod to California's Indigenous peoples. As a Choctaw, whose ancestors relied on acorns for thousands of years, I felt that one. It was also the most technically accomplished savory course of the meal.

    The seaweed and clams. Six varieties of Southern California seaweed with butter-kissed clams tasted like the coast itself. This is Noma at its best: not interpreting California so much as listening to it.

    The tuna eye. I've eaten cod eye at Noma in Copenhagen, but this version was way better. The kitchen removed the tough cornea, replaced it with a thin disk of kumquat, and served the eye chilled inside a ruby-red banana flower bract. Rich and gelatinous, it's eaten in one bite. When our table wondered aloud where the rest of all that tuna goes, Mara had the answer: family meal for the staff.

    The kelp mole. Grilled greens, a squash blossom stuffed with huitlacoche, and an artichoke on its stalk arrived with tortillas from Komal, one of Los Angeles's top heirloom molinos, paired with a mole built on kelp.

    Between the acorn, the cactus, and the mole, a question kept surfacing: what does it mean for a Danish kitchen to arrive in someone else's pantry and cook as though it has always been there? Some of these ingredients have fed Indigenous and Mexican cooks for centuries. Noma handled them with obvious respect and real curiosity. Sometimes, though, the line between homage and borrowing comes down to whether you're willing to say the name out loud.

    Dessert kept the surprises coming, including a macadamia custard served in a sunflower whose base turned out to be beeswax. The finale arrived as a bundle of ferns tied with string. Diners snip it open with tiny scissors to find a chocolate cookie and a fortune inside. Mine quoted Nietzsche: You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.

    Nietzsche, at $1,500 a head, in a Silver Lake mansion, from a kitchen whose founder walked away on opening day while protesters stood at the gate. The kitchen knew exactly what it was doing.

    The full menu, course by course

    For those keeping score, here's the complete lineup.

    Pink pepper Dungeness crab
    Daylily crab dumpling — The rest of the crab, tucked inside a trumpet-shaped daylily with buds plumped in crustacean liquor. The flower dominated; the crab was the reason to eat it.
    Chilled lobster broth — Spiny lobster stock, dashi, and elderflower oil served chilled in the lobster's own coral-colored shell. A palate reset dressed as a course.
    Spot prawn with matcha — Served in real seaweed, the head filled with smoked pumpkin paste for sucking, the tail painted with matcha. Paired with the 2024 Verso from Caleb Leisure in Sebastopol.
    Sea urchin custard and braised acorn
    Cactus with mezcal
    Ragout of California botanicals — Seasonal greens, peas, and herbs in a warm, quiet preparation, tied together by a hint of horseradish.
    SoCal seaweed and clam
    Tuna neck — Minced tuna neck in a koji-inoculated steamed bun with the texture of suede, topped with translucent shards of dried chicken-stock skin. Paired with the 2000 Estate Zinfandel from Tony Coturri.
    Tuna eye
    Black pearl rice steamed in avocado leaf — Ringed with pistachio oil and scattered with dime-sized macadamia slices. Humble ingredients in the spirit of California great Jeremiah Tower.
    Morels with habanero and yuzu — Sierra Nevada morels on turkey-tail mushrooms over hot stones. Bright and spicy, but heavy on the salt.
    Greens and grilled artichoke in spiced kelp mole
    Cherimoya and lemongrass — A green cocoa butter shell shaped like a cactus, hiding a smooth cherimoya ice cream. A California fruit most California menus ignore.
    Macadamia milk custard and pistachio — Topped with heirloom Hong Kong kumquats from a handful of research trees that fruit four weeks a year, served in a beeswax-lined sunflower.
    Silver Lake fortune cookie — A Chiapas chocolate mousse cookie garnished with insects, hidden in a bundle of ferns you cut open with tiny scissors. Fortune included.

    The misses

    Not every course landed. Morels with habanero and yuzu were oversalted, and some presentations were delivered too quietly to catch the full story. At $1,500 a seat, the storytelling should be as confident as the cooking.

    The verdict

    Having now eaten Noma's traveling editions in Tulum and Los Angeles, I'll offer an opinion that may be unpopular in certain circles: the pop-ups are better than Copenhagen. Maybe it's the hunt for new ingredients, or the urgency of a 16-week run in a borrowed house. Whatever the reason, the results are hard to argue with. I put that theory to the test in August, when I returned to Noma on my birthday, three days after it reopened with Soto at the helm. More on that meal soon.

    Noma LA wasn't really a restaurant. It was an argument about a place, made in food, by people who flew 6,000 miles to make it. The argument was frequently brilliant, occasionally presumptuous, and closed with Nietzsche in a fortune cookie. On balance, it won.

    ----

    David Skinner is a James Beard Award semifinalist for Best Chef: Texas and the owner of eculent and Ishtia in Kemah. He also writes the culinary travel journal Destination Eater on Substack.

    David Skinner Noma Los Angeles

    Courtesy of David Skinner

    Pink pepper Dungeness crab.

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