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    a supposedly fun thing

    Best of Ken Hoffman: Galveston casino boat sails into uncharted waters

    Ken Hoffman
    Aug 7, 2024 | 2:48 pm

    Editor's note: After the sudden death of beloved columnist Ken Hoffman on July 14, CultureMap is republishing some of our favorite "Hoffman's Houston" columns. Here's Ken telling the hilarious story of a gambling cruise gone wrong; it was originally published on June 5, 2017.

    It hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing for the Jacks or Better gambling boat in Galveston.

    The boat’s maiden voyage was April 6. Between rough seas that canceled more than a dozen departures, damage from hitting a buoy that put the boat in dry dock several days, and seasick guests backing up toilets and sinks with vomit … the boat is looking for calmer waters this summer.

    Jacks or Better has sailings scheduled every day, and twice on Fridays and Saturdays. The cruises generally take between six and seven hours. Tickets are $15, including two free drink tickets.

    It’s about a one-hour drive from Houston to Galveston. You want to arrive a half-hour early, a built-in safety against those inexplicable traffic jams on I-45. (“It’s 2 pm on Tuesday, why is traffic backed up?”) Once the boat leaves port, it takes about 1-1/2 hours to reach federal waters, 9.1 miles offshore, where it’s legal for the captain to say, “Let the games begin.” The boat has 180 slot machines and tables for shootout poker, blackjack, craps, chuck-a-luck, and other games.

    It’s supposed to have sports wagering, where you can bet on any college or pro event anywhere in the world, from French Open tennis to World Cup soccer to Aussie cricket to American baseball and football games. Supposedly.

    Ready to set sail? A friend and I recently boarded the Jacks or Better boat for a Saturday afternoon cruise. We’ll have to call my friend “Oscar.” I can’t use his real name because he lied to his boss to get off work that day. This is the kind of friends I have.

    Before sailing, I took to Yelp and read horror story reviews about passengers getting seasick on the boat, complete with nasty photos of clogged toilets. There were some positive, fun-filled reviews, too. It all depended on how rough the seas were that day.

    Not taking chances, Oscar and I popped a couple of Dramamine motion sickness pills – the “All Day Less Drowsy” formula – an hour before departure.

    The boat is 150 feet long and can hold 360 passengers and 54 crew members. I’m guessing that most of the passengers didn’t know about the 3- to 4-foot seas predicted that day.

    Passengers began climbing aboard and some immediately cashed in their two free drink tickets. They’ll pay for that later.

    The Jacks or Better boat has three decks. The first deck is covered with slot machines. The second deck has gaming tables and a snack bar offering burgers, nachos, chicken sandwiches, Buffalo wings, and “Galveston cheesesteaks.” The most expensive item on the menu is $8. The upstairs, open-air observation deck has lounge chairs and live entertainment. On my cruise, there was karaoke.

    As George Costanza said on Seinfeld, – “The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.”

    Wobbly and woozy
    Thirty minutes into the trip, the boat got wobbly and passengers got woozy. Warning: Here’s where this column gets pretty graphic. If you’re reading this while eating, stop doing one of them.

    I’ve seen fewer sick people in the Ben Taub Hospital emergency room. Crew members began roaming the boat with trays piled high with sickness bags and crackers. Like waiters serving hors d’oeuvres at a wedding party. Passengers were stumbling aimlessly, bumping into furniture and slamming into walls, like babies taking their first steps, or town drunk Otis Campbell on The Andy Griffith Show.

    People were puking in public, there was no time for shame. A guy at the snack bar was calmly eating spicy Buffalo wings while a man sitting next to him was retching into a vomit bag.

    Never saw that before.

    I counted only 22 people actually gambling. Most were upstairs with their faces in a paper bag, or passed out on the floor, or sleeping with their heads pressed against a slot machine. That can’t possibly feel good.

    Jacks or Better has a policy: If you get seasick during the cruise, upon returning to shore, the company will give you a free pass for another trip, plus a $20 chip to use at a gaming table. If you’re thinking of going on the gambling boat, you might want to click at jacksorbettercasino.com first to check on sailing conditions. The Gulf of Mexico typically is much calmer during June, July, and August. “In two weeks, the water will be like glass,” I was told.

    I asked a crew member, "Where do I place a sports bet?" I was told to “See that guy over there.” My whole reason for taking this voyage from hell (tip of the Hatlo Hat to Richard Lewis) was to place a parlay bet: Rafael Nadal to win the French Open and the Astros to win that night’s game. Betting on the Astros this season is like stealing money.

    The sports manager told me, “Sorry, our sports machines haven’t arrived yet. They’ll be here in a few weeks.”

    You mean I got on this seasick infirmary for nothing?

    Much, much worse
    And that’s when things turned for the much, much worse.

    Oscar and I grabbed a table at the snack bar to wait out the cruise. Five minutes later, and I swear this happened, a man staggered toward us. His face was green. He was ready to blow like Mount St. Helens. But instead of finishing his journey to the restroom, he collapsed into a chair at MY TABLE (good name for a magazine) and let fly.

    That’s when I lost it – my temper, not my lunch. Remember I took a couple of Dramamine. I bolted up and screamed at him, “That’s disgusting. What’s wrong with you? Why didn’t you go to the bathroom and do that?”

    The guy could barely lift his head. “I couldn’t help it.”

    A crew member, carrying a bucket and mop, apologized for this incident. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

    I asked him, “This is some job you have. What do you use to get puke out of carpet?”

    Here’s your household hint of the day (Hello, Heloise.) The Jacks or Better crew uses D-VOUR Absorbent Powder, which “devours liquids such as spilled bodily fluids as it eliminated odors.” They must buy it by the case at Costco.

    So many passengers were sick, and so few gambling, that the captain decided to cut the cruise short by an hour and head back to land.

    I didn’t see anybody asking for their free ticket and $20 chip to come back.


    The Jacks or Better boat takes gamblers into federal waters from Galveston.

    Jacks or Better gambling boat casino
    Courtesy photo
    The Jacks or Better boat takes gamblers into federal waters from Galveston.
    galveston gambling boathealthken hoffman
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    Preservation efforts

    South Texas mission makes list of America’s most endangered historic places

    Associated Press
    May 21, 2026 | 4:00 pm
    Ruidosa Church
    Facebook/Friends of the Ruidosa Church
    El Corazon Sagrado de la Iglesia de Jesus in Ruidosa, Texas is considered an endangered place.

    WASHINGTON (AP) — A historic South Texas mission joins the Stonewall National Monument, the President's House Site, and the Women's Rights National Historic Park among 11 sites on this year's annual list of the most endangered historic places in the United States compiled by the National Trust for Historic Preservation.

    The 2026 list, announced Wednesday, May 20, marks America's 250th anniversary with the foundational principle that everyone is created equal as the theme, said Carol Quillen, president and CEO of the nonprofit organization. The 11 sites offer examples of how, over time, Americans have fought against injustice and for equality, she said.

    “We wanted to think about those ideas, especially this notion that all human beings are created equal and find places, sometimes unsung places ... that not all Americans routinely think about," Quillen told The Associated Press.

    The sites are spread across the United States — from New York and California on the East and West Coasts, to Alabama and Texas in the South, to Michigan in the Midwest and the Four Corners of Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico and Utah in the Rocky Mountain West.

    At least three of the sites — Stonewall, the El Corazon church in Texas, and President's House in Philadelphia — have been endangered by Trump administration actions.

    “We want to save these places," Quillen said, “not just because the bricks and mortar is important but because the stories these places hold are important."

    For the first time since the list debuted in 1988, each site on the 2026 list will receive a one-time $25,000 grant to help highlight their connections to the principle that all people are created equal and address the threats they face.

    The 11 sites are:

    Ruidosa, Texas: El Corazon Sagrado de la Iglesia de Jesus
    The more than century-old adobe church served as a refuge and place of worship for Mexican and Mexican American farming communities on both sides of the U.S.-Mexico border along the Rio Grande River. Vacant since the 1950s, the structure has benefited from continued restoration provided by the nonprofit Friends of the Ruidosa Church but remains threatened by proposed construction of a U.S. border wall that could come within a few hundred yards of the property. (The nonprofit has posted an official statement and more information about the border wall here.) Ruidosa is in far west Texas, roughly 35 miles northwest of Presidio and 46 miles southwest of Marfa, near the rugged Chinati Mountains.

    El Corazon Sagrado de la Iglesia de Jesus A historic photograph of El Corazon Sagrado de la Iglesia de Jesus.Facebook/Friends of the Ruidosa Church

    Montgomery, Alabama: Ben Moore Hotel
    The hotel was a refuge for Black people living under laws that enforced racial separation in the South. Prolonged vacancy has caused structural deterioration and the historic Centennial Hill neighborhood surrounding it faces pressure from development. The hotel housed key players from the Civil Rights Movement, including the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Rev. Ralph Abernathy. The Conservation Fund announced in November that it would help preserve the hotel.

    Modoc County, California: Tule Lake Segregation Center
    Initially known as the Tule Lake War Relocation Center, it was set up as a camp but later became a segregation center where Japanese Americans who were thought to be disloyal to the United States were imprisoned. The site is now a national monument managed by the National Park Service. Only 37 acres of the 1,100-acre site is protected. Most of it is at risk of permanent alteration from a proposed nearby construction project.

    California: Angel Island Immigration Station
    It was the largest immigration port on the West Coast between 1910 and 1940, particularly for immigrants from Asia and the Pacific. Hundreds of thousands were processed, detained and/or interrogated there because of their race. The station currently is threatened by physical, environmental, political and economic factors. Additional funding is needed for structural repairs and programming to increase awareness.

    Somerset, Massachusetts: Swansea Friends Meeting House
    Recognized as the oldest surviving Quaker meeting house in the state, it was built in 1701 to serve as a refuge by a congregation fleeing religious persecution and looking for a safe place to worship. The building has been closed for years and needs significant rehabilitation.

    Michigan: Detroit Association of Women's Clubs
    Founded in 1921, the association was one of the first Black organizations in Detroit to own their headquarters building, which was purchased in 1941. But the building has been closed since 2024, when water pipes burst and damaged the interior. Money is needed to help the association reopen the building.

    New Mexico, Colorado, Arizona, Utah: Greater Chaco Cultural Landscape
    The landscape is an ancestral homeland sustained for over a millennium by the Pueblo and Hopi people, but is threatened by changes to federal land policy that could open up significant portions to oil and gas development. Permanent protections and tribal consultation are needed to protect its cultural integrity.

    Seneca Falls, New York: Women's Rights National Historical Park
    The park tells the story of the first Women's Rights Convention, held in Seneca Falls, in July 1848. It faces a deferred maintenance backlog of over $10 million. Additional funding and support are needed to help preserve the park as a place to teach visitors about the history of women's rights.

    New York: Stonewall National Monument
    The first and only U.S. national monument dedicated to LGBTQ+ history was the subject of administration actions that saw the rainbow Pride flag removed from its flagpole earlier this year before it was restored. The National Park Service had removed the flag in February, citing federal guidance that limited the agency to displaying only the American, Interior Department and POW/MIA flags. But the administration reversed course in April as it agreed to settle a lawsuit filed by advocacy and historic preservation groups that sought to block the flag's removal at the Manhattan site.

    After Trump returned to office, he ended diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives, and many references to transgender people were excised from the Stonewall monument’s website and materials. The Republican administration similarly has put national parks, museums and landmarks under a messaging microscope, aiming to remove or alter materials that it says are “divisive or partisan” or “inappropriately disparage Americans.”

    Philadelphia: The President's House Site
    The administration abruptly removed exhibits on the lives of nine people enslaved at the site in the 1790s under George Washington, the first U.S. president, who lived there when Philadelphia served as the nation's capital. The exhibits were taken down as part of a broad effort by the administration to remove from federal properties information it deems “disparaging” to Americans. The issue is currently the subject of litigation between the city and federal government.

    Heath Springs, South Carolina: Hanging Rock Revolutionary War Battlefield
    The Battle of Hanging Rock was a key battle in the Southern Campaigns of the Revolutionary War and is considered a Patriot victory that helped boost morale and ultimately weaken British control in South Carolina. Only portions of the core battlefield are protected and open to the public, with the area anticipating population growth and increasing development pressures.

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