Editor's note: With the Houston Astros' home opener set for Friday night (let's just pretend the season hasn't started yet, there's no 1-5), CultureMap is running stories that highlight the national pastime. Here is the fourth and final part of Jeremy C. Little's second Great American baseball road trip. This time, he attacked spring training.

DAY 6: KISSIMMEE, FL (ST. LOUIS CARDINALS @ HOUSTON ASTROS)

Our finale appropriately featured a division matchup between the Houston Astros and division-rival St. Louis Cardinals. The Astros make their springtime home at Osceola County Stadium in Kissimmee, Florida located about 15 minutes southeast of Walt Disney World.

The stadium is inviting, surprisingly affordable and visually appealing, although the façade and brick red sheet metal roofing would seem a better fit for the Cactus League than the Grapefruit League.

With only 5,300 seats, Osceola County Stadium, which underwent a serious renovation in 2003, is the smallest Grapefruit League ballpark in capacity. Although the stadium is intimate and gorgeous, it does seem oddly detached from the surrounding area, much like The Ballpark at Arlington feels detached from Dallas-Fort Worth.

Not surprisingly, Cardinals fans packed the quaint confines to the gills, drowning out the Astros faithful (if there are any Astros faithful left) throughout most of the game.

Although most of the marquee names were not in their respective lineups (Hunter Pence and Michael Bourn for the ‘Stros and Albert Pujols for the Redbirds) we were still treated to a 3-2 Astros victory behind a strong showing from pitcher Bud Norris who will start the Astros' second home game of the season Saturday. Although Norris struggled most of this spring and in his first start of the season, he posted five scoreless innings striking out five while allowing six hits en route to the win when we watched.

The withered husk of Lance Berkman — who looks even weirder in Cardinals red than he did in Yankees pinstripes — went 1-for-3 before being lifted after he appeared to pull up lame running to first. I’m officially setting the over/under on Berkman starts in left field for the Cardinals at 45½ games.

DOUCHE / NOT A DOUCHE: THE MANLY MAN WHO DISHED IT BUT COULDN’T TAKE IT DOUCHE

I really didn’t think we’d play another round of Douche / Not a Douche on this trip given how polite everyone has been over the past few days. But alas, a few too many 24-ounce Bud Light Limes, too much sun, and a cheeky geriatric beer vendor brought out the douche in what was otherwise an attentive father of two pre-teen girls.

The only reason I don’t have a picture of The Defendant is because I’m pretty sure he’d have taken a swing at me if I’d tried.

THE EVIDENCE: What started as playful interaction between The Defendant and a retiree working as a beer vendor turned ugly when the vendor in question — playing along with the banter — joking gave The Defendant a half-mast middle finger. The gesture — while legitimately offensive when presented in anger — lead to a serious verbal altercation that made the entire section immensely uncomfortable.

THE DEFENSE: Although The Defendant stated clearly and repeated that he’s, “not stupid and not a sucker,” his proceeding behavior suggested otherwise. Typically if you’re neither of those things, you don’t have to declare it repeatedly with your outdoor voice.

This went on for a good five minutes. Yes, the vendor’s gesture was marginally out of bounds, but under the circumstances, clearly meant as a goof. His daughters couldn’t have sunk any further into their seats.

VERDICT: I’m declaring this guy our first ever “Douche Redeemed.” The Defendant not only admitted loudly enough for everyone in our section to hear that he’d “probably had a few too many” and overreacted, but he then spent the next two innings explaining each play to his girls and bought them ice cream.

Maybe I’m getting soft, but this guy snapped out of douche and went back to dad before it was too late. Good for you, sir.

EPILOGUE
Before we left Houston for spring training, The New York Daily News ranked Orlando as the most dangerous Spring Break destination in America (take that, Galveston). Judging solely on the traffic, I’m inclined to agree.

The good news is that if you’re more inclined toward catching spring training games than bar hopping at Pleasure Island, the melee is easily avoided with plenty of lodging and dining options throughout Lake Buena Vista and Kissimmee. And with all the strip malls, fast food restaurants, man-made lakes and humidity, Houstonians can feel right at home.

Editor's note: Check out the other three parts of the baseball road trip:

A struggling Jayson Werth, cold 50-cent beer & baseball's brilliant Social Security alternative ring road true

A Walt Disney World ride with Jon Lester and how a crazy female driver fits in

Lasting lessons from spring training: When things smell & an institution lets you down