Let's say you love the Houston Dynamo, want to spend a quiet, cozy evening talking soccer — and perhaps getting close to a soccer figure — but you're not into the 25-and-under crowd. Well, have the Dynamo got a date for you.

Meet Tim Hanley. He's in his fifth decade. He's a soccer lifer. And he's up for auction.

Welcome to Cruz'in for A Cure, a fundraiser and party organized by Dynamo defender Danny Cruz to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) that will be held at Drink Houston Saturday night.

Cruz and the Dynamo set a goal of raising $30,000 for LLS and this night will be a major part of that push. The centerpiece of the campaign? A bachelor auction of 11 Dynamo hotties. Including one older ... er, experienced ... hottie who is definitely different from the pack.

Who should you bid on? Let CultureMap's dating personality quiz be your guide.

Goalie coach Tim Hanley is in his 13th year coaching Major League Soccer, and has been coaching American soccer for more than 20 years. The 51-year-old California native was once a player himself, clocking six seasons here in the United States and in the United Kingdom. A father of two boys, Tim tells us he's nervous about the auction, but we think this charmer's got nothing to fear except the certain onslaught of women he's about to be facing.

He took time to answer all the crucial questions for CultureMap in anticipation of being auctioned off.

Stats:
51-year-old from Palo Alto, Calif.

Zodiac sign:
Aries

Give us your idea of a perfect first date:
"I like to do an awful lot of things, so I'm not sure if there's a perfect one. Maybe try something new."

What's the craziest thing you've ever done to impress a woman?
"There are so many. I've flown some girls out for a date from far, far away — flown them out as a surprise, first class tickets back and forth."

Do you believe in love at first sight?
"I used to know that. I don't know that anymore."

What's your favorite date movie?
"I like Out of Africa. I like Legends of the Fall. Those are just my two favorite movies, so tough!"

If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?
"I'd be a hawk, because they don't have a lot of predators if you think about it."

If you were playing a game on a date, would you let your date win?
"No way, absolutely not. You don't do that; there's no room. It's just like with your kids — they're gonna beat you eventually."

On what occasion(s) do you dance, and are you any good at it?
"I dance, and I'm OK. I actually just signed up for lessons because I want to learn how they do the dancing here in Texas. They turn around a lot, and we don't do that in California, so I want to learn how to do that."

Who is your biggest celebrity crush?
"I like that Monica Bellucci gal."

Give us your best pick-up line:
"You know what, I don't have one. I don't have game; that's my game."

Do you have a nickname? If so, what's the story behind it?
"Some people call me The Dude. Or Hands. It was Hands Hanley when I was playing back in the day; Hanlito for the Latin group."

What's your most annoying habit?
"I pick my ear when I'm anxious. I've been doing it since I was a little kid.

What's your biggest pet peeve?
"I'd like to think that I'm pretty easygoing. I'd like to think there isn't anything that bothers me that much."

What are you looking for in a woman?
"I'm looking for somebody who's looking for somebody like me!"

Sarah's appraisal: $3,950
Humble, funny, open, romantic, wants to try new things — what's not to love?

Caroline's appraisal: $5,000
It must be true what they say about older men. Tim was the most affable and self-assured of any of the Dynamo we met, and while embarrassing yourself for a girl is sweet, flying her cross-country first class is sweeter.

Longtime sportswriter Chris Baldwin's appraisal: 25 cents
I get the idea behind putting Hands in the auction. Throw in the old guy for a change of pace, bring in a touch of humor, a ton of experience ... yadda yadda yadda.

Sorry, but that doesn't change anything. Reality is that Tim Hanley should be paying to date you, not the other way around. Sure, someone will likely fork over a crazy amount for the date with Hanley, but that doesn't mean it will make sense.

Maybe, if you're going to grill him for goaltending tips, up that bid to $2.25. Maybe. For Hanley is a great coach. He's helped the Dynamo transform their goaltending situation from the Pat Onstad era without missing a step. In fact, the Dynamo's starter in goal, Tally Hall, has been the MVP of the team in the early season. And backup Tyler Deric is one of the real feel-good stories on the team, one who is emerging more and more as a more than competent pro.

Hanley deserves tons of credit for helping these two reach their potential. Maybe, even a raise from the Dynamo. But that's it. He needs to fly out women to date him. Think about that for a moment.

Don't delude the old guy. Keep it real. Save yourself.