The real meaning of pitchers & catchers: Baseball is having a ball
Hold on to your balls: Major league baseball pitchers and catchers have reported and spring training's rolling along. In Kissimmee, Fla., Astros closer Brandon Lyon told the Associated Press that he's getting ready for "an eight-month grind from here on out."
Is he ever. Whether you're a pitcher or a catcher, one thing's for sure: You're hot, you're sweaty and you're going to be quite busy.
The intricacies of the erotic interplay between pitchers and catchers can be witnessed from the stands, as the two men squint and squirm, throwing secret symbols over their junk and communicating who's really on top. Anyone who's witnessed a tight ninth-inning save at Minute Maid Park or last call at South Beach knows that the competition is stiff — but the pitchers are even stiffer.
But while the pitchers might have the power stuff, it's the catchers who really dominate. Pitchers use up their wad and are sent packing, replaced quickly by a lookalike who trots in, fresh and ready to throw the hard stuff. And while a pitcher can only get busy every few days, a catcher is ready to get down and dirty every day.
Some pitchers even have a personal catcher, like a houseboy, but one that wears a mask (unless yours does that already). When pitchers aren't on the mound, they hang out in the bullpen — just another club where hot men in tight shirts hang around and wait for a phone call.
And even though they spend most of their time receiving, a catcher's bat is generally considered bigger than a pitcher's — yeah, we said it. And yes, it matters. Even in the American League.
With all this going on, a battle of egos is inevitable. But after enough hungover morning afters and squabbles during "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," the pitcher and catcher can find a beautiful harmony. They form a rhythm that sometimes lasts a lifetime.