Death by french fry: Texas Cheese tops the list of killers
When you read a title like "America's most dangerous french fries," you expect them to be in the shape of throwing stars or made of shards of glass.
But on the Daily Beast's list of the 29 french fries most likely to kill you, there's nothing quite so obvious. Just hundreds, sometimes thousands of calories waiting to be thoughtlessly consumed. So by "dangerous," they really mean "most likely to make you fat." And we all know fat people are dangerous. That's why we don't let them fly on planes.
On top of the list is Chili's Texas Cheese Fries. We're guessing some evil genius invented this platter after word got out that the Awesome Blossom was the most fattening food in America. It takes a platter of fries and adds cheese, chili, applewood-smoked bacon, jalepeños, and a handy jalepeño ranch dipping sauce, just in case any individual fry isn't already larded up enough.
Unsurprisingly, this heart attack on a plate weighs in at a whopping 2,070 calories — that's more than a day's allotment for an average person.
Much of the list is a monument to how other parts of the country caught up with Houston in the America's fattest city category. The top runners-up aren't even available in Houston. Friendly's fully-loaded waffle fries, garlic fries from the Old Spaghetti Factory, Nathan's Famous (and truly delicious) fries, Smokey Bones fire stix, Checker's Fully-Loaded Bacon Cheddar Ranch Fries (which look like the contents of Elvis's pumped stomach), Fatburger's chili cheese "skinny" fries — all these cannot currently tempt Houstonians.
So that's good news, or maybe bad news, depending on your comfort level with gluttony.
The contents of the list are hardly rocket science: when you take french fries and smother them in cheese, meat, and gravy, that's not very healthy. But there are tidbits to be gleaned. For example, if you must have a carb-cheese-meat combo, and you're at Steak 'N Shake, the bacon cheese fries are a slightly better option than the chili cheese fries (870 vs. 1170 calories), and just the cheese fries (810 calories) would be even further in the right direction.
A better choice? Heading to Sonic, with their large chili cheese fries ringing in at 690 calories. Not diet food, by any stretch, but less damaging at least.
And while the regular fries at Burger King, Cheesecake Factory, Whataburger and Arby's all made the list, McDonald's, Wendy's and Chick-Fil-A are nowhere to be found.
So if you still want to pretend that fries count as vegetables, you know where to go.