It’s hot.

Hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, or, in the new TV news stunt, to bake cookies in your car. Yes, reporters everywhere are baking chocolate chip cookies on news unit dashboards. If you want to try this there are actually recipes on the Internet with step-by-step guidelines.

Personally, I’m not testing this recipe because I prefer not to be outdoors at all during the daylight hours without my air-conditioned bubble suit, which is at the cleaners.

So how hot is it really?

Well, if it’s hot enough to bake cookies in the car, you should obviously never leave a child or pet sitting in one. Which is why some people would like to bring their dogs onto restaurant patios rather than leave them to bake in the car like cookie dough.

But, again, I am not going to be baking in my car or cooking breakfast foods on the sidewalk.

In fact, I’m declaring a moratorium on cooking until the temps get below 90. I might reconsider if the AC in my building was a little more reliable or if my kitchen had giant ceiling fans or a walk-in freezer whose door I could leave open but since that is unlikely to happen anytime soon I must rely on that wonder of August wonders, Houston Restaurant Week.

That, and non-cooked edibles.

So, here is what’s being served up at Chez Marene’s during the heat wave.

Guacamole. Ah, the creamy green goodness of the gods. Yes, you can make a meal out of a big bowl of guac and some really good chips, the Chihuahua and I are eating some right now.

Mostly because Whole Foods Market has these amazing reed avocados in season at the moment. Reeds are round, the size of softballs, and are creamier and smoother than Hass. Their flesh also literally falls away from the peel and I don’t even have to chop the pit out. It just pops right out. These puppies make for great side slices and salad ingredients but they also make one heck of a guac.

They practically mash themselves; just add chopped onion, Serrano, tomato, salt and cilantro. Want an extra crunch of protein? Add crumples of bacon from the breakfast buffet. Serve with massive quantities of margaritas or cold bottles of Pacifico.

Keeping with the South American theme, there’s always ceviche. Raw seafood marinated in citrus juice mixed with whatever you want: A little avocado, maybe some mangoes? Whatever, it’s a quick and easy summer dish that is filling and requires no fire. Which means no extra heat. For libations, see above.

Salads. When the weather guy on Channel 13 says it “feels like” 106 degrees, you know Houston is deep into its salad days.

Nothing like fresh heirloom tomatoes, chilled cucumbers, a pinch of sea salt, a squeeze of lemon and a little homemade mayo. It’s summertime in a bowl. And any salad will go down well with fruit. Blueberries and strawberries are lovely this time of year with a fruity vinaigrette. And wine, lots of white wine.

And of course there’s nothing like a hearty Caesar with home baked croutons (we make these in the early morning and only have the oven set at 200 degrees) and maybe even a little shredded chicken.

Chicken you say? Yes, this is why grocery stores invented rotisserie chicken. Bag a hot bird and bring in on home, you can use it in salads, tacos and sandwiches, all without ever firing up the oven and adding to the global warming in your home.

Here’s another tip: Check out the seafood counter at your favorite specialty grocer. Odds are they sell cooked seafood or will even steam your shrimp or lobster on site. Heat be damned, you’ll be feeling plenty cool with a dinner of lobster rolls and a nice Bohemian Pilsner like St. Arnold’s Summer Pils.

And then there’s the nosh meal. This is a go-to game plan for anytime of the year for foodies because you know you always have yummy edibles on hand. So grab that tin of smoked oysters, a crunchy baguette, the two kinds of cheese you always keep in the fridge, some spiced olives and whatever else looks good that hasn’t expired and lay out a carpet picnic.

Open a bottle of chilled Messina Hoff’s Merrill's Vineyard Estate Bottled Riesling, turn on a good movie and just lay like broccoli (as in veg out).

Maybe with all that money you saved dinning out at Houston Restaurant Week you can pick up some Russian caviar and vodka for a real picnic party. If you don’t have your own vodka bowl set (and who are you if you don’t?), then get a bowl full of ice and fill several shot glasses of vodka and plink them into the bowl to stay chilled.

Suggested viewing for this kind of carpet picnic? Doctor Zhivago, of course. If nothing else, the Siberian snow scenes will make you forget that the temps outside are hot enough to bake cookies on your dashboard.