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    Howlin' For You

    Indoor water park Great Wolf Lodge will open Houston-area resort before Labor Day

    Jef Rouner
    May 9, 2024 | 1:00 pm
    Great Wolf Lodge Webster opens Labor Day

    The new Texas Twirler slide at Great Wolf Lodge Webster

    Photo provided by Agency H5.

    The Houston location of the famous Great Wolf Lodge will be opening sooner than anticipated. New information from the developer puts the opening in time for Labor Day weekend, and the first looks at the facilities are now available.

    The famous string of resorts and indoor water parks began construction on a Houston location in September 2022 at an estimated cost of $200 million. Situated south of the city in Webster, it’s the second Texas site after the Grapevine location opened in 2007.

    The new attraction will feature 532 rooms, a 92,000-square-foot indoor water park, and a 61,000-square-foot family entertainment complex. The latter includes an indoor rope course traversed by climbing harness, a 150-foot indoor zipline that gives riders a panoramic view of the entire park, and Great Wolf Lodge’s MagiQuest.

    MagiQuest is a live action role playing game that lets players use an infrared wand to cast magic spells as they explore a dungeon. The series of games first launched in 2005 and the experience has grown steadily more intricate and impressive since. Players use a variety of spells to change the environment and solve puzzles. The Webster location will also debut a new virtual reality game called Spirit Water Forest starring the Lodge’s mascot, Oliver Raccoon.

    Guests can also play a 9-hole miniature gold course, pan for gemstones to take home in a sluice, bowl, and visit the 24-hour arcade.

    Obviously, though, Great Wolf Lodge is most famous for its water parks, and the Houston location has announced some impressive features. There will be two large interactive play zones and 13 slides. One of the new slides debuting at the park is the Texas Twirler, a raft ride that seats up to five and actually takes the riders outside the building and back in.

    At first, the idea of a Great Wolf Lodge in the Houston area may have seemed an odd choice. Though the city has lacked a full-on theme park since AstroWorld closed in 2005, Houstonians have three major waterparks in easy driving distance (Hurricane Harbor, Typhoon Texas, and Schlitterbahn in Galveston). However, the Houston summers can make even outdoor waterparks somewhat tiring to attend, and the prospect of frolicking inside seems far more appealing. Another selling point is that Great Wolf Lodge will be open year-round.

    The Great Wolf Lodge series of parks was founded in 1997 by the original owners of Noah's Ark Water Park in Wisconsin, the nation’s largest water park. Since then, the chain has expanded to nearly two dozen locations around the United States, with a possible park in El Paso also under consideration.

    Park opens August 29, 2024. Tickets can be purchased at their website.

    Great Wolf Lodge Webster opens Labor Day

    Courtesy of Great Wolf Lodge

    Construction continues on Great Wolf Lodge.

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    Movie Review

    Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

    Alex Bentley
    Dec 26, 2025 | 2:30 pm
    Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda
    Photo by Matt Grace
    Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

    In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

    The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

    Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

    Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

    The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

    It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

    Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

    Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

    ---

    Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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