The Year in Culture

The best Internet comments ever: It's not a world for chickens or Hitler

Julian Assange brought out the chicken out of one reader.
LeBron James brought Caroline Gallay to Deadspin fame.

At CultureMap we pride ourselves in our intelligent readership. Generally reader comments encourage discussion and even make points that articles might have missed. But for every 10 instructive, interesting comments, there's always one or two that sneak in and make us say "huh?"

The Fresh Prince of SoMo's April Fool's Rehab:

On occasion someone misreads a headline or takes literally what an author intended in jest. Last spring Steven Thomson penned an April Fool’s column outlining his drug intervention. Thomson claimed a cough syrup addiction and having taken to wearing his “now-signature three pairs of sunglasses” and a “Winnie the Pooh onesie lifted from a CVS in Stafford.”

A concerned reader responded:

OMG. you are not right, good luck in rehab.

Another reader had similar difficulty picking up on the spoof, and, in a fit of disgust, left a lengthy response to Thomson’s rehab follow-up article “Taking Narcissism to the Nines.”

See you in your next round of treatment. Sorry, sonny, it was taking narcissism to the nines that landed your shallow, self serving ass in rehab in the first place, and if you got treatment anywhere other than the treatment center of your dreams- "where I'll have the time and space necessary to swim out of this ocean of cough syrup," then you should know that.

But it seems you just aren't getting the point. If you are fresh out of wrecking your life, and harming anyone who loved you with an addiction, then it hardly seems auspicious for you to be here lauding the benefits of being a self serving asshole.

Like I said, see you next time. You are a multiple treatment retread waiting to happen.

Sadly, it was the reader who didn’t get the point, as we’re happy to say our dear Steven was always (and still is) syrup-free.

A Smart Debate:

Over in the land of smart comments (the typical responses), John H. Mann's article about bringing young children on planes evoked articulate arguments from both the pro-kid and anti-kid sides. One comment suggested a potential solution:

This is your problem, not mine. There is no reason why I should suffer through the hell of flying with screaming children all around me. However, since children can't be relegated to the hold like dogs why not have a family section in the back of the plane like they used to have smoking sections?

While comparing children to dogs might make parents balk, a family section on an airplane seems reasonable.

Haters Make Me Famous:

As a lowly intern this fall, I raised eyebrows with a record-breaking ratio of hate comment to words published. (No worries— if Indie Houston has taught me anything, it’s that “haters make us famous.”)

In what turned out to be a surprisingly controversial article, I argued against slutty costumes, asking, “How did Halloween become Whore-o-Ween?” Anonymous comments accused me of everything from prudishness to promiscuity. (Many have since been deleted by the authors— phew!) A certain guest swore:

I'd choose suicide over having to read another one of her negative pieces of garbage.

The suicidal reader then left me three more comments. I found this a bit baffling but ultimately was glad for the assurance he hadn’t followed through with his threat.

Christopher Columbus was so not gay:

Perhaps we’re too subtle with our humor or our angles a bit too wacky. Readers responded with equal disdain to a Christopher Columbus Day and National Coming Out Day article that listed outlandish reasons Christopher Columbus might have been gay. (E.g., “He hung out with Queen Isabella a lot. Queens love queens.”) Commenters clearly had expected a history lesson, telling CultureMap:

the arguments [sic] /evidence is real bs.

Another guest noted:

a lot of your facts have to do with modern things he had no say in because he's dead.

LeBron James and Hitler:

Caroline Gallay taught us of the danger Hitler’s name with a LeBron James’ news brief. LeBron was up for Time Person of the Year. A quick skim of her three-paragraph piece reveals that she mentioned Hitler (who won the award in 1938) to illustrate that the award isn’t meant to recognize good deeds but rather the most influence — whether good or bad. (Side note: Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg ended up winning this year, though many argue Julian Assange would’ve been a better pick.)

LeBron fans and foes alike attacked the comment section, eventually sending Gallay to Deadspin fame (or shame?), accusing her of unfairly comparing the basketball star to Hitler. It was “Hitler, Hitler, Hitler!” on the message boards from then on.

One of our favorite comments joked that, considering the Hitler hoopla, Mike Godwin ought to be up for Time's Person of the Year. For those missing the reference: Mike Godwin is author of Godwin’s Law which holds that “as an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1." From now on we’ll tread lightly when it comes to the H-word.

Getting chicken with it

Our favorite comment arrived late this year in response to staff writer Sarah Rufca comparing Julian Assange to James Bond villains. A reader identified only as “Stupid Bimbo” told Rufca:

thanks for sharing the most biased peice [sic] of garbage i have read in a long time.

He linked to this Photoshop masterpiece of Rufca and Assange as copulating fried chickens.

For comments such as these, even our most prolific writers have no words.

Editor's note: This is the 15th in a series of articles CultureMap will be running this last week of 2010 on The Year in Culture. The stories in this series will focus on a key point or two, something that struck our reporting team about the year rather than rote Top 10 lists or bests of.

Movie Review

Timothée Chalamet cements star status in new movie Marty Supreme

Courtesy

Timothée Chalamet

In a time when true movie stars seem to be going extinct, Timothée Chalamet has emerged as an exception to the rule. Since 2021 he has headlined blockbusters like the two Dune movies and Wonka, and also earned an Oscar nomination for playing Bob Dylan in A Complete Unknown (his second nomination following 2018’s Call Me By Your Name). Now, he’s almost assured to get his third nomination for the stellar new film, Marty Supreme.

Chalamet plays Marty Mauser, a world-class table tennis player living in New York. But reducing Marty to his best skill doesn’t do him justice, as he’s also a motormouth schemer who will do almost anything to achieve his dreams. He doesn’t have any qualms about wooing married women like neighbor Rachel (Odessa A’zion) or actress Kay Stone (Gwyneth Paltrow), or hiding his true ping pong skills to win money in scams with friends like Wally (Tyler the Creator).

Marty is seemingly on the go the entire movie, whether it’s trying to convince Kay’s millionaire husband Milton Rockwell (Kevin O’Leary) to fund his table tennis ambitions; or trying to track down the dog of Ezra (Abel Ferrara), a man he accidentally injures; or trying to avoid the ire of the boss at the shoe store where he works. Just when you think he might slow down, he’s off to the races on another plan or adventure.

Directed by Josh Safdie and written by Safdie and frequent co-writer Ronald Bronstein, the film is an almost continuous blast of pure energy for 2 ½ hours. So many different things happen over the course of the film that the story defies conventional narratives, and yet the throughline of Marty keeps everything tightly connected. His particular type of brash behavior turns much of the film into a comedy as he does and says things that are both shocking and thrilling.

Another thing that makes the movie sing is the fantastic characterization by Safdie and Bronstein. Almost every person who is given a speaking line in the film has a moment where they pop, which speaks to airtight dialogue that the writers have created. Characters will be introduced and then disappear for long stretches of time, and yet because they make such an impression the first time they’re on screen, it’s easy to pick up their thread right away.

Safdie, as he’s done previously with brother Bennie (Uncut Gems), calls on a host of well-known non-actors or people with interesting faces/vibes to inhabit supporting roles, and to a person they are crucial to the film’s success. O’Leary (of Shark Tank fame), rapper Tyler the Creator, director Ferrara, magician Penn Jillette, and fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi each deliver knockout performances. The relative unknowns who play smaller roles are just as impressive, making each beat of the film feel naturalistic.

Leading the way is the powerhouse performance by Chalamet. For one person to believably play both the famously reserved Dylan and also a firecracker like Marty is astonishing, and this role cements Chalamet’s status as his generation’s movie star. A’zion is a rising star who gets great moments as Marty’s on-again/off-again love interest. Paltrow pops in and out of the film, lighting up the screen every time she appears. Fran Drescher as Marty’s mom and Sandra Bernhard as a neighbor also pay dividends in small roles.

Josh Safdie’s first solo directorial effort is unlike any other movie this year, or maybe even this century. Thanks to its breakneck storytelling, a magnificent performance by Chalamet, and countless intangibles that Safdie employs expertly, the film smacks viewers in the face repeatedly and demands that they come back for more.

---

Marty Supreme opens in theaters on December 25.

movies film