You don't deny Norris
Is Rick Perry scared of real Texas Ranger Chuck Norris? He'd better be
Guess who roundhouse kicked Gov. Rick Perry on the back of the face?
If we said Chuck Norris, that'd be a boldfaced, comic-sans-fonted lie. But we do think it's pretty safe to say that the Texas Ranger Division never actually existed until Wednesday afternoon.
That's because yesterday, our esteemed governor finally legitimized the organization by making Norris and his brother, Aaron, honorary Texas Rangers.
You may recall (read: still try to emanate it in your backyard) that Norris starred as a straight-shootin' law enforcement officer in Walker, Texas Ranger in the mid-1990s.
It seems the Texas Ranger Division learned a thing or two from Norris, and by popular vote (or was it sheer terror?), the Texas Public Safety Commission elected to rangerize the Brothers Norris.
"[We wanted] to say thank you for bringing honor to the department," Department of Public Safety spokesperson Tela Mange said.
Despite Norris' failed campaign for President of Texas, Gov. Perry let raw fear of The Norris get the best of him, and agreed to bestow the designation.
We can't blame him. After all, denying rangership to a man that never flushes the toilet because he scares the shit right out of it seemed futile.
We don't know about you, but we feel a whole lot safer knowing that Chuck Norris is out there, punching cyclopses between the eyes.