Weekend events planner

Here are the top 8 things to do in Houston this weekend

Why not make the most of your weekend break by planning ahead of time and saving yourself the last-minute scramble? Below are eight can’t-miss events, from a tree lighting spectacular to concert fun. For more options, check out the full CultureMap Events Calendar.

Holiday favorite
Friday, November 30-Saturday, December 30
A Christmas Carol - A Ghost Story of Christmas, returns to the Alley Theatre in the first production at the downtown space since Hurricane Harvey damaged the building. The story, written by Charles Dickens, is about Ebenezer Scrooge’s journey with the three ghostly spirits who visit him on Christmas Eve. The play runs through December 30. (various times; tickets: $26-$71 per person)
615 Texas St.; 713-220-5700

Bright lights
Friday, December 1
Ring in the season with the Mayor's Holiday Celebration and Tree Lighting at Hermann Square at Houston City Hall. The holiday tradition of music, Santa, fireworks, and family fun features a towering holiday tree with LED lights, shimmering ornaments and a stunning star topper. Houston-based singer, songwriter, and producer Cheryl Fortune, as well as Houstonian Kechi Okwuchi, a finalist in 2017’s America’s Got Talent, perform. (6-8 pm rain or shine; tickets: admission is free)
901 Bagby Street

Christmas carols
Friday, December 1-Sunday, December 3
The Houston Symphony and Megan Hilty of NBC’s Smash and Broadway’s Wicked, present "A Very Merry Pops" at Jones Hall. Hilty, conductor Steven Reineke, the orchestra, and chorus perform holiday classics, from “Jingle Bells,” to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” to “Jingle Bell Rock.” (various times; tickets: $40-$150 per person)
615 Louisiana St.; 713-227-3974

Tasty ‘cue
Saturday, December 2
Gearing up to open Feges BBQ restaurant in early 2018, chef Patrick Feges fires up his smoker at Holler Brewing Co., offering delicious dishes including turkey meatballs and gravy ($12), Gochujang pork ribs with cucumber salad ($8), and Dr. Pepper-glazed brisket burnt ends with pimento grits and chicharrones ($10). (Noon until sold out; admission is free)
2206 Edwards Street

Cable TV guys
Saturday, December 2
Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper head to Smart Financial Centre at Sugar Land for an evening of unscripted, uncensored, and unforgettable conversation. Longtime friends, Cohen, Emmy Award-winning host and executive producer of Watch What Happens, and Cooper, Emmy award-winning CNN anchor and correspondent for CBS’ 60 Minutes, interview each other and take questions from the audience. A portion of the proceeds benefit Hurricane Harvey relief efforts. (8 pm; tickets: $70-$355 per person)
18111 Lexington Blvd., Sugar Land; 281-207-6278

CultureMap Holiday Pop-Up Shop
Sunday, December 3
Shop your heart out at the CultureMap Holiday Pop-up Shop at Silver Street Studios, presented by Infiniti. The curated holiday boutique features 25 locally-owned retailers for men, women, kids, pets, jewelry, gifts, home, and gourmet food and beverages. What’s more, expect sips, fare, festive music, photos with Santa, and an onsite barbershop for the guys. (11 am-4 pm; tickets: admission is free with registration)
2000 Edwards St.

Foodie pop-up
Sunday, December 3
Join Cuc Lam as she takes over the kitchen at Wooster’s Garden, serving up a taste of her upcoming restaurant, Sing. Dig into a dan dan noodle bowl with pork, Szechuan spices, noodles, and fresh herbs ($12), grilled lemongrass pepper riblets with jasmine rice ($8), satay with turmeric chicken, beef, and lemongrass prawn ($9), and more. (4-10 pm; tickets: free admission)
3315 Milam St.

Mother monster
Sunday, December 3
Lady Gaga hits the stage at Toyota Center as part of her Joanne World Tour. Her latest release, Joanne, debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard 200. Singles from the album include "Perfect Illusion" and "Million Reasons.” (7:30 pm; tickets: $251 per person)
1510 Polk St.; 713-758-7200

Lady Gaga hits the stage at Toyota Center.

Houston, Lady Gaga's Super Sunday, Super Bowl LI, Feb 2017, Lady Gaga onstage at Super Bowl LI

Lady Gaga/Facebook

Lady Gaga hits the stage at Toyota Center.

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Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

Photo by Matt Grace

Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

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Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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