It's a hard knock life for them
As adolescents (and for some, maybe much older), we all had our bad seed, wild child moments: Sneaking out of the house to make out with boys your mom would never approve of, smoking cigarettes and drinking Boone's at the railroad tracks, stealing the family car so you could drive down to 7-Eleven to buy sixers of Zima with your fake ID.
Rest assured that actress Angelina Jolie's youth was way worse than yours. And we're all lucky she didn't die during the deluge.
She wants you to know it, too. In an intimate 60 Minutes interview airing Sunday, do-gooder Jolie admits that she was more than a handful in her former life as an ordinary human being.
"I went through heavier, darker times and I survived them. I didn't die young," Jolie said. "People can imagine that I did the most dangerous [things], and I did the worst. For many reasons, I shouldn't be here. [There were] too many times where you came close to too many dangerous things, too many chances taken too, too far."
No, this isn't news — to anyone but Angelina Jolie — so if you're planning to leave a cheeky comment asking that very question, save it.
But after all, growing up a rich, spoiled celebrity — or becoming one while young — is hard, y'all. Our plebeian hats are off to those celebrities fortunate enough to survive the curse.
Jolie's not the only one to beat the odds, though. We think a few others deserve the lucky label, too:
But we're fairly confident that her fatally destructive and kinderwhore days are behind her, although we do fear for pretty little Frances Bean Cobain — Love's daughter with the late Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain.
Cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, a suicide attempt and rehab — all before the tender age of 15. It's a miracle the woman was able to make a career out of her charmed, charred life.
Anyone described as "a capering streak of living gristle who ought to be exhibited as a warning to the young of what drugs can do to you even if you're lucky enough not to choke on your own vomit" certainly has some deck somewhere stacked in his favor.
Well, admittedly, LiLo's not entirely in the clear yet. Clocking in at the ripe old age of 25, she's still within the two year range of the dreaded Forever 27 Club — and, as the tragic death of chanteuse Amy Winehouse showed us, anything can happen.
If he was dead, not many people would be surprised. All that East Coast/West Coast rivalry would've killed even the best of thugs.