Knowing what your dad felt like
Convict him: Justin Bieber stole Joan Jett's hair & Mister Rogers' sweaters
Bieber, Bieber, Bieber. Where to begin.
I'm not quite sure what irritates me most about 16 year-old pop wunderkind hitting Houston Saturday night for a show at the Toyota Center. But I'm willing to let a few of my more strenuous gripes against Justin Bieber scooch straight to the top of the list.
(And I'm not even going to take the easy route here and mention the 12 year-old bully he took a pot-shot at last month while playing laser tag.)
My grist definitely starts with that hair-drying catastrophe atop his head.
I've seen that hairdo before, y'know. Joan Jett owned it 30 years ago when, much like young Bieber, she went straight to the top of the charts with a cover of the The Arrows' "I Love Rock N' Roll." The only difference is when Jett sported those ultra-lush layers, the back of her neck was where Bieber's face is and vice-versa. It's like someone screwed the kid into an adolescent toupee backwards.
Perhaps my problem with Bieber also stems from those cotton Mister Rogers sweaters and ball caps he wears which are somewhere between the color of Easter eggs and the very functional dresses my grandmother wore to church in the spring.
I'm positive some of my scorn derives from financial envy. In the last two years the little twerp has taken his debut My World, as well as the imaginatively titled My World 2.0, to the top of the charts in the United States, Canada and a good chunk of Western Europe. He's spent the second half of this year making millions on tour selling T-shirts, glow sticks and — to grandmothers all over the world — replica's of those pastel sweaters (OK, that last bit might be an exaggeration).
Mostly, though, my scorn for Bieber derives from the fact that I hear myself saying something my father said about my adolescent passing pop fancies. Every time I look at that backward mop-top I can't help but think, "What's wrong with that kid? He looks like an idiot."
My dad said the exact same thing about Dee Snider when Twisted Sister hit it big with "We're Not Gonna Take It" back in 1984.
I thought he was nuts.
And for making me sound like my father I cannot ever forgive Bieber, even if he does start combing his hair right and starts shopping in the boy's department.
You, however, are free to go enjoy the show.
Justin Bieber, 7 p.m. Saturday at Toyota Center