Three housewives. Three countries. One big mess.

This week The Real Housewives of D.C. went international. Stacie searched for her long lost father at the Nigerian embassy. Lynda visited an another embassy in her quest to introduce the fashions of Burkina Faso to Washington, D.C. And the Salahis crusaded to bring India and America together — through polo!

“India and America share one sport that we understand, and that’s polo,” Michaele Salahi enthused. Always the optimist, that Michaele. We can’t believe there’s much she really understands, including polo. And little did we know that their many talents extended to international relations. If only they could get Israel and Palestine, North and South Korea together—through polo!

Lynda, at least, started smaller as she took a job casting a fashion show for designer Clara Lawson-Ames, who hails from Burkina Faso. Her fashions are handmade and her show was sponsored by the government. The tiny African nation also boasts a robust modern dance scene. If Burkina Faso can support art and fashion with this dedication, surely our own government could stop squabbling long enough to take a page from them and stop starving the NEA. Just saying.

Lynda interviews models for the show in a tiny basement that looks like it might have been one of her dog’s playrooms. The models stumble down a steep staircase and try to strut a step or two before crashing into Lynda’s table. Is this the best she can manage? We suppose if all else fails, Mary’s 23-year-old daughter Lolly could move in when she wears out her welcome at home — or when she tries one too many times to break into her mother’s closet.

Lynda snorts at a male model with longish hair. This is serious! Burkina Faso is the third poorest nation in the world and she wants to help. No doubt her gift for scolding her greasy, unkempt and mostly average models will do the trick.

Stacie and Jason spend a tense evening on the couch, composing a Facebook message to Stacie’s white stepbrother, whom they’ve never met. They hope he’ll be willing to serve as liaison to Stacie’s estranged mother, who won’t reveal the identity of her Nigerian father.

Stacie is nervous and doesn’t want the message to “sound too black.” “I will be racially agnostic,” Jason assures her, agreeing not to use the word “Yo.” But stronger measures are required when days go by with no reply. So, the plucky duo reaches out to the Nigerian embassy.

We’ve been fuming at the conservative couple since they asserted their opposition to gay marriage. While Stacie may still believe that marriage is “between a man and a woman,” as she stated last week, it sure didn’t happen between the man and woman who conceived her back when they were both partying in the Peace Corps.

Our hearts went out, however, when a compassionate woman from the embassy named Stella Onuoha agrees to have coffee with the desperate couple. When she examines the only photo Stacie has of her father, she says, “He could be a chief in my village.”

It turns out that Stella and Stacie are from the same Nigerian state, Ibo. There are hugs all around when she calls Stacie “sister.” The scene is more heartwarming — and real — than anything Troy Dunn ever achieved on The Locator.

But the realest the Real Housewives get is in the midst of great delusion. This brings us back to the Salahis. Apparently, their reward for forging new relationships with India (through polo!) is an “invite” to the White House State Dinner.

Bravo sets up the infamous events — and the Salahis — beautifully in a series of portentous cross-cut scenes. Cat, Lynda, and Mary have lunch to celebrate Cat’s book and console her. She’s lonely and missing hubby Charles, but that’s not nearly as interesting as talking about what a liar Michaele is. Her (allegedly) false claims to be a cheerleader and a model are not nearly as interesting as dishing about the Salahi’s potential or actual bankruptcies.

The camera cuts to a shot of yet another limo-interior as Michaele and Tareq celebrate themselves and their relationship. It looks as if they are shooting an ad for eHarmony. They touch noses and laugh about the good times. After all, it was not so long ago that Tareq taught Michaele to eat more than just grilled chicken breasts. Later, as celebrity stylist Erwin Gomez perfects Michaele’s makeup at his tony salon, we were thinking more of chicken necks.

After Erwin puts on the rest of her face and shows her how to fold her sari, they’re ready for the night we’ve all been waiting for: The party crashing heard ‘round the world.

We knew it was going to be bad when the coming-up-next teaser included a shot of Tareq telling Michaele that an actual invitation is not required when going to the White House. Later, a producer breaks the fourth “reality” wall to quiz Michaele about the missing invitation. Apparently, it’s with her missing bra!

But Michaele has learned a lot from Tareq over the years, and she too insists it’s no big deal. She says, “You work hard, you give a lot of love, and you end up at the White House.”

Neon stripes twinkle overhead as another limo slides off into the D.C. night. Michaele’s giddy with girlish anticipation about meeting the big cheese. “Do you think he’ll remember us?” she asks of President Obama.

Of course he will! Just not the way you imagined, Michaele.