Setting an Xample
Desperate popstar syndrome: Christina Aguilera is three steps away from adoptinga baby
Christina Aguilera's promotional tour for Bionic has been like a playbook of desperate celebrity hijinx.
Most recently I stumbled on an interview with Company, a British magazine, in which Aguilera, in an utterly transparent bid to remind people she's sexual and edgy, tells the mag how much she loves to talk about loving women. It's been 10 years since Xtina got Britney Spears' sloppy seconds on the stage of the VMA's, and she wants to make sure we don't forget how Dirrty she is.
"If I want to be sexual, it’s for my own appreciation and enjoyment! That’s why I like to talk about the fact that sometimes I am attracted to women," she says. (Not because she's got an album to promote. Never.)
Aguilera's most of the way down the list of standard publicity ploys. Let's review, shall we?
Undergo a drastic makeover — First she went all Marilyn for a while, which was a welcome change from ass-less chaps. Now she's gone... crazy.
Pose naked — In German GQ. Check!
Instigate a feud with another celebrity — Aguilera doesn't know who GaGa is (or whether she's a man or a woman) but she does know she's definitely not copying her.
Revisit your sexuality — "I like to talk about the fact that sometimes I'm attracted to women."
The album's out, and her tour is postponed until who knows when, so Aguilera's got some time to sop up every last drop of press with these last few:
Date someone dangerous/Fake separation/Start rumors of affair — Her poor hobbit husband. He never had a chance.
Negotiate the release of an old sex tape from your physical prime — I hope it's with Ray J.
Adopt a cause — Ten bucks says photos pop up of Xtina seductively covered in Gulf Coast oil. Looks like chocolate.
Adopt a baby — I wonder if you can get a group discount on third world children? Xtina could be the first to adopt quintuplets, or maybe she could go in with Aubrey O'Day and Heidi Montag. First explosive exposé, here I come . . .