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    Control The Board

    Game of Thrones isn't done shocking with death: Red Wedding reverberates with winners, losers

    Tarra Gaines
    Jun 10, 2013 | 12:58 am

    In just 10 episodes, season three of Game of Thrones accomplished much onscreen and almost as much off screen. Inside the show, thanks to what may be the worst wedding reception in television history, we lost two key Stark players and most of their winning army. This also meant stalemates were broken and we finally have some movement on the game board.

    Off screen Game of Thrones reached near Sopranos level ratings, garnered the ultimate pop culture arrival notice — Red Wedding jokes on late night talk shows — and created a whole new YouTube genre: Red Wedding reactions videos.

    But as I’ve argued, this years-long game is more like a tournament, so let’s check the brackets and see who’s ahead after round three.

    Westeros Division

    Starks vs. Lannisters
    Winner: Lannisters
    The Starks, who are always strongest when they are together, are now either dead or scattered to those winter-is-coming winds with even young Bran and Rickon separating this season. The only glimmer of hope is that the Lannisters despise each other, and are always their own worst enemies.

    Now that they’re all stuck in the same castle listening to sadist King Joffrey’s tantrums, we wonder what could possibly go wrong.

    Lannisters vs. Tyrells
    Winner: Tossup
    Still aligned by the engagement of King Joffrey and Margaery, the Tyrell’s are a bit like a more civilized, PR-savvy version of the Lannisters. They don’t appear to underestimate the Lannisters, but the opposite is debatable.

    Lannisters vs. Stannis Baratheon
    Winner: Lannisters because of forfeiture by Stannis
    After his season two loss at the Battle of Blackwater, Stannis attempted an end run around conventional warfare and used magic wielded by his priestess/political consultant Melisandre to kill his enemies. In the final episode this season, word from the desperate Night Watch gave a hint the Stannis might be ready to head north with a new army. Good luck to Stannis as he switches divisions.

    Essos Division

    Daenerys Targaryen vs. the institution of slavery
    Winner: Dany
    She’s no closer to getting on a boat bound for Westeros to reclaim the throne for the Targaryen line, but her army-raising techniques put her motherland to shame.

    Possible weakness? Dany’s dragons will be becoming teenagers soon, and three moody, surly dragons who just want to be left alooone, might be hard for a single mom to manage.

    Northern Division

    The Night Watch vs. The Wildlings vs. the White Walkers
    Winner: Um, no idea . . . Samwell? Maybe that tree with a human face?

    We still don’t know what the White Walkers want. Most of the Night Watch members beyond the Wall were killed by ice zombies or have mutinied. We haven’t seen the Wildlings' king Mance Rayder since episode three. The only thing we do know for certain is that dragon glass can kill a White Walker, in Westeros even trees have their own army (of ravens) and pouty Jon Snow’s sex god status didn’t prevent him from getting his ass shot by his girlfriend.

    Let’s face it, this division is a mess. Still, Iceland is beautiful.

    So now that we’re reviewed the winners and losers, let’s give out some awards to our MVPs and best plays.

    Best God
    Season three gave us a better glimpse of how the Game of Thrones faiths and religions motivate some of the characters. Some denominations demand human sacrifice; some can resurrect the dead. Some magic out there can even create a zombie army.

    But Arya Stark’s proclamation that Death is her god illustrates the kid knows a winning god for this show when she see it.

    Most Ironic Foreshadowing
    Robb Stark lobs off Rickard Karstark’s head, as demanded by honor and the rule of law. He then loses the support of many of the Northern lords which hastens his death by episode nine. Who else lobbed off someone’s head for honor’s sake when, if not for mercy, than at least for pragmatism he might have called a decapitation waiting period to assess the situation?

    Oh yeah, Rob’s father Ned who ended up dead in season one, episode nine.

    Best Dame
    The older, regal woman who has seen it all and is usually played by a knighted, classically trained British actress, is one of the hottest archetypes in pop culture right now. She’s quite bored with the other characters’ shit but can strategize everyone under the table.

    We know this is a controversial decision, but we’re going to have to give this to Downton Abbey’s Dowager Countess of Grantham.

    Yes, Dame Diana Rigg made a strong initial showing as Olenna Tyrell the Tyrell matriarch, but she did have limited screen time. We do look forward to Olenna’s future sword sharp quips.

    Weirdest Theme
    Dany’s ex-slave, eunuch super army, Varys, one of Westeros’s greatest power brokers, and even Westeros’s greatest swordsman, Jamie Lannister, who went through a kind of symbolic castration when his hand was chopped off, all ended up either more powerful or experienced personal growth after brutally losing their manhood.

    Now we’re left to wonder what Theon, who was one of the most whiny, daddy-issues riddled characters on the show, will be transformed into after living through the ultimate torture.

    Best bilingual character.
    If the Red Wedding gave audiences the most horrific moment, Dany’s “Oh by the way I speak fluent Valyrian. Now, I’m going to liberate all your warrior slaves and let my dragon toast you. Who’s the bitch now, Bitch?” gave us maybe the best “Hell yeah!” moment of the whole series.

    We’re going to hold on to that image and not wolf head dead Robb because we’d liked to get some sleep the nine months we impatiently await round four of the Game of Thrones.

    Tyrion strolls with his wife and mistress and yet this is nowhere near the most awkward marriage on the show.

    Game of Thrones 6
    HBO.com
    Tyrion strolls with his wife and mistress and yet this is nowhere near the most awkward marriage on the show.
    unspecified
    news/entertainment

    RIP, Chuck

    Actor Chuck Norris, star of 'Walker, Texas Ranger,' dies at 86

    Associated Press
    Mar 20, 2026 | 10:30 am
    Chuck Norris
    Courtesy photo
    Chuck Norris, star of "Walker, Texas Ranger," has died at 86.

    Chuck Norris, the martial arts grandmaster and action star whose roles in “Walker, Texas Ranger” and other television shows and movies made him an iconic tough guy — sparking internet parodies and adoration from presidents — has died at 86.

    Norris died Thursday, in what his family described as a “sudden passing.”

    “While we would like to keep the circumstances private, please know that he was surrounded by his family and was at peace,” the family said in a statement posted to social media.

    Before he would become a star in movies and on TV, Norris was wildly successful in competitive martial arts. He was a six-time undefeated World Professional Middleweight Karate champion. He also founded his own Korean-based American hard style of karate, known sometimes as Chun Kuk Do, and the United Fighting Arts Federation, which has awarded more than 3,300 Chuck Norris System black belts worldwide. Black Belt magazine ultimately credited Norris in its hall of fame with holding a 10th degree black belt, the highest possible honor.

    Born Carlos Ray Norris in Ryan, Oklahoma, on March 10, 1940, he grew up poor. At age 12, he moved with his family to Torrance, California, and joined the U.S. Air Force after high school, in 1958. It was during a deployment to Korea that he started training in martial arts, including judo and Tang Soo Do.

    “I went out for gymnastics and football at North Torrance high,” he told The Associated Press in 1982. “I played some football, but I also spent a lot of time on the bench. I was never really athletic until I was in the service in Korea.”

    After he was honorably discharged in 1962, he worked as a file clerk for Northrop Aircraft and applied to be a police officer, but was put on a waitlist. Meanwhile, he opened a martial arts studio, which expanded to a chain, with students including such stars as Bob Barker, Priscilla Presley, Donnie and Marie Osmond, and Steve McQueen, whom he later credited with encouraging him to get into acting.

    From one studio to another
    Norris made his film debut as an uncredited bodyguard in the 1968 movie “The Wrecking Crew,” which included a fight with Dean Martin. He had also crossed paths with Bruce Lee in martial arts circles. Their friendship — sometimes, as sparring partners — led to an iconic faceoff in the 1972 movie “Return of the Dragon,” in which Lee fights and kills Norris' character in Rome's Colosseum.

    He went on to act in more than 20 movies, such as “Missing in Action,” “The Delta Force” and “Sidekicks.”

    “I wanted to project a certain image on the screen of a hero. I had seen a lot of anti-hero movies in which the lead was neither good nor bad. There was no one to root for,” Norris said in 1982.

    In 1993, he took on his most famed role, as a crime-fighting lawman in TV's “Walker, Texas Ranger.” The show ran for nine seasons, and in 2010, then-Gov. Rick Perry awarded him the title of honorary Texas Ranger. The Texas Senate later named him an honorary Texan.

    “It’s not violence for violence’s sake, with no moral structure,” Norris told the AP in 1996, speaking about the show. “You try to portray the proper meaning of what it’s about — fighting injustice with justice, good vs. bad. … It’s entertaining for the whole family.”

    Norris also made a surprise comedic appearance as a decisive judge in the final match of the 2004 movie “Dodgeball.” He only on occasion has taken acting roles in recent years, including 2012's “The Expendables 2” and the 2024 sci-fi action movie “Agent Recon.” He's due to appear in “Zombie Plane,” an upcoming film starring Vanilla Ice.

    Chuck Norris: the man, the meme, the legend
    It was around the time of “Dodgeball” that his toughman image became the stuff of legend, literally: “Chuck Norris Facts” went viral online with such wildly hyperbolic statements as, “Chuck Norris had a staring contest with the sun -- and won,” and, “They wanted to put Chuck Norris on Mt. Rushmore, but the granite wasn’t tough enough for his beard.”

    Norris ultimately embraced the absurdity of the meme craze, putting together “The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book,” which combined his favorites with supposedly true stories and the codes he aimed to live by. He would also write books on martial arts instruction, a memoir, political takes, Civil War-era historical fiction and more.

    “To some who know little of my martial arts or film careers but perhaps grew up with 'Walker, Texas Ranger,' it seems that I have become a somewhat mythical superhero icon,” Norris wrote in the forward to the fact book. “I am flattered and humbled.”

    That book raised money for a nonprofit he founded with President George H.W. Bush that promoted martial arts instruction for kids.

    The intentionally outlandish statements featured in the 2008 Republican presidential primary, when Norris endorsed Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee and shot an ad playing on the “Chuck Norris facts.”

    President Donald Trump's supporters later promoted Trump Facts in the same vein, and political pundits tried it as well, describing the commander-in-chief's decision to seize Venezuela's sitting president, Nicolas Maduro, as a “Chuck Norris Moment,” and its initial effect on oil prices a “Chuck Norris Premium.”

    Norris was outspoken about his Christian beliefs and his support for gun rights, and backed political candidates for years — he even went skydiving with Bush for the former president's 80th birthday. As for Trump, Norris endorsed him in the 2016 general election and wrote guest columns praising him without explicitly endorsing him the in the days before the 2020 and 2024 elections.

    Norris has five surviving children: stunt performers Mike and Eric with his late ex-wife Dianne Holechek, twins Dakota and Danilee with his wife Gena Norris, and Dina, the result of an early 1960s “one-night stand” revealed in his autobiography.

    Norris celebrated his birthday just over a week before his death, posting a sparring video on Instagram.

    “I don't age. I level up,” he wrote.

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