This is something I never thought I'd write ... but enough with the lesbian kisses!

Only, the MTV Music Awards and a weirdly loopy, inexplicably desperate Sandra Bullock could take the fun out of lesbian action. These girl-on-girl Hollywood award moments jumped the shark long ago.

Doesn't Bullock realize that Britney Spears and Madonna smooched on stage in 2003 ... seven long years and about 100 eons in celebrity time past. Bullock must have thought she was being daring — or at least funny — when she kissed Scarlett Johansson after receiving Generation Awards at MTV's show Sunday night.

But in reality, Bullock might as well have shown up in a Nemo fish costume or told a joke about the Lord of the Rings. That's how timely America's supposed Sweetheart was.

Bullock thinks this sends some triumphant signal that she's back? Please, she's never looked more out of it and overeager to be loved. It's almost enough to make one consider Team Jesse (OK, that's worse than rooting for Kobe Bryant, but Bullock is lucky she isn't married to someone even a tad more likeable ... like say, Tiger Woods). That's how pathetically overreaching this moment was.

If the kiss itself was more tired than an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie saying, the execution was even worse.

You couldn't have crafted a more unspontaneous moment. There was absolutely no reason for Johansson to be on stage. She wasn't one of the presenters. It was obvious from the moment that Bullock walked out that she had a little skit with Scarlett cooked up. "This is so weird. Scarlett, why are you here?" Bullock asked at one point, displaying an "acting" ability that should have the Academy requesting Oscar back.

A little more "banter" about MTV's Best Kiss award and then the smooch. "Now that we've done that, can we please go back to normal?" Bullock asked, delivering the line she'd obviously waited for.

If normal is now a world where Sandra Bullock is pathetic ... we're there.

Maybe the most amazing thing is what little grasp Bullock showed of her own audience. Women who love Sandra largely despise Scarlett Johansson.

There are four women under 33 on CultureMap's editorial team and three of them cannot stand Scarlett Johansson to the point that if she's brought up at the morning story meeting, it grinds to halt with talk about how horrible Esquire's favorite actress is. Columnist Caroline Gallay — who's enough of a Sandra Bullock fan that she'll probably be writing her biography one day — might rather have Bullock kissing Jesse James again.

People like me love Scarlett Johansson. Sandra Bullock fans would love to see her drop down a manhole cover.

If she really felt the need to go Hollywood fake, safe lesbian, Bullock could have at least kissed Betty White — who was on stage to give her the award. You've got to know who's hot.

Some tongue with Betty ... now that would have pleased everyone.