No thanks for these memories
In Oprah withdrawal? Don't forget Winfrey's 5 worst favorite things
If Oprah was just some nice lady from Chicago who liked reading, pronouncing people's names in an over-dramatic fashion and soft pajamas, she'd have no beef with me.
But with great power (and great ratings) comes great responsibility, and for every Spanx or Kindle Oprah has touted, she's also created phenomena out of things that are ugly, useless or downright dumb.
So when you start so feel the mid-afternoon jones for a dose of Oprah, remember at least she won't be pushing stuff like this on an unsuspecting public.
1. Uggs
These boots may be soft, warm and incredibly comfortable, but they are also unapologetically ugly — they're like genocide for ankles. So while they may get a reluctant pass for fashionistas braving snow drifts in Minneapolis, there's no reason they should ever, ever be paired with a miniskirt and worn to Starbucks. Between 2003 and 2010, Oprah put Uggs (even the monstrous sparkle Uggs) on her "Favorite Things" list no less than four times, which is why your mom is still convinced they are cool.
Do I need to elaborate on this? Velour sweatsuits take nice, ordinary people and make them look like the less-attractive friends and relatives of the kids on Jersey Shore — and people paid a premium for the privilege. For introducing America to the paragon of Bronx couture in the 2003 Favorite Things, we can draw a straight line from Oprah's J. Lo suits to Juicy Couture writing "juicy" across people's asses and even the new and exciting world of Ed Hardy.
3. The Secret
Oprah has leant a platform to a lot of new age claptrap, but The Secret is at the top of the pile. While it may not be on any of her favorite things list, it did get its own episode in 2006 devoted to explaining to people how in order to get what you want, you just have to think about it. So if your life sucks, it's because you put bad energy out with your thoughts. And in case you thought this wasn't completely about consumerism, we learn from author Rhonda Byrne that Jesus was a "prosperity teacher." Oprah helped this quack sell 2 million books.
4. Josh Groban
Sure, my mom probably would have discovered Josh Groban anyways. But in adding his Noël CD to her favorite things in 2007, Oprah managed to not only push his music on my mom but also ruin Christmas for me forever. Thanks a lot, Oprah. (To be fair, it could have been worse.)
5. The homebody lifestyle
There is a time for wearing plush robes, taking fragrant baths and eating caramel popcorn from a tin. It's called Sunday morning. But based on Oprah's favorite things, this stuff, plus ordering macaroni and cheese and key lime pie in the mail, seems to take up the majority of her life. And for an eccentric billionaire, that's fine. But for a normal person trying to live "the best life," it's a recipe for isolation and clinical depression (just ask The A/V Club). Oprah's trainer Bob Greene would probably have an easier job if the Oprah lifestyle included going outside once in a while.