Bringing Up Baby

Aftershocks: Real Housewives of New Jersey artfully builds the catfighting drama

Television would never be the same again after the table-flip heard round the world. Bravo aired Teresa Giudice’s Incredible Hulk moment so often that now it seems as normal to flip furniture as to have dessert after a fine meal. What more could happen on The Real Housewives of New Jersey?

The sophomore season of Bravo’s legendary franchise brings us back to Jersey where the drama, name-calling, and rage are so inventive it’s hard to believe the show isn’t scripted. The premiere started with a home video of Jacqueline Laurita delivering baby Nicholas.

After her four miscarriages, of course, it’s a triumph, but fans will remember that her two eldest are already a handful. Ashley, 19, has managed to graduate from high school. She shows up with 23-year-old new boyfriend Derek, and the dog he can’t seem to take care of between shifts at Blockbuster. Ashley’s enjoying her semester off from college, that is, until her parents remind her she isn’t going to college.

Ashley has moved out and likes her newfound independence, admitting, “I would love to open a checking account if I knew how to.” But what her parents really worry about is what goes on after the video store closes. Jacqueline declares: “I know what boys at that age want.”

Meanwhile, she cuddles her newborn in his tiny “Lock Up Your Daughters” T-shirt. Husband Chris isn’t pleased about Derek, but what he’s really mad about is the fact that Jacqueline’s been texting Danielle.

Much of this second season debut episode features Danielle’s quest for spiritual truth and free advice. She insists she didn’t deserve to be called “garbage” in Season One. Really, she doesn’t care about the other housewives anyway.

Scary music blares in the background as Danielle cruises around Franklin Lakes in search of counseling. She begins with a visit to Father Richard, explaining “what a devout Catholic I am.” Who knew? She demands Father Richard teach her how to pray for the other housewives.

Is Linda Blair, now 51, available to play the role of Danielle in the movie version of Cop Without a Badge?

Next Danielle stops at “Posche” (a misspelling of neither Porsche nor Posh). At Ye Olde Posche (just the kind of boutique an aging Jersey girl with a Bedazzler would open) owner Kim “D” tries to peddle faux-leather leggings to Danielle and her two daughters. Danielle doesn’t suspect that Kim might be a double agent and a simpatico to the others.

Danielle begs advice next from her pedicurist Rosa, who lets it slip that Caroline is having a $1,000-a-head benefit for the local sheriff. Danielle feigns indifference, telling Rosa it’s a struggle to pay the bills. Clearly Danielle is not skimping on nail care.

It’s Teresa, the household philosopher of the Jersey women, who asks the truly burning questions. Is it proper to make red sauce while menstruating? Answer: No. Should you marry an Italian or a Jew? Answer: Italians are not as good to their wives.

Later, at Caroline’s benefit party, acting on information from double-agent Kim’s husband, Teresa muses that Danielle may have slept with as many as 500 guys. This information brings out the poet in Teresa, who speculates on Danielle’s depth. How big is it? “Not the Lincoln tunnel, not the Holland tunnel: what’s the longest tunnel?” she inquires. She even tips her hat, saying, “Danielle you put the cont in contradiction.”

The moon waxes, and it’s not only the dash light of Danielle’s SUV that puts a glint in her eye as she drives on, contemplating crashing Caroline’s benefit.

Her daughters give her the best free advice of the evening from the backseat: “Don’t go there, Mom, you’re not a creepy stalker.”

No, of course she isn’t.

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Movie Review

Safe cracking takes center stage in new heist movie Tuner

Photo courtesy of Black Bear

Leo Woodall in Tuner.

Of all the ways that movies depict people trying to steal money and other valuables, safe cracking is among the least exciting. By design, it’s a laborious process that only those with a very certain set of skills can do. While clever editing and the right music can enhance scenes of safes being cracked, there’s a reason that the method is among the least used in heist films.

In the new film Tuner, Niki (Leo Woodall) has a job and a condition that just happens to lend itself well to committing that specific crime. He works as an apprentice piano tuner for Harry (Dustin Hoffman), usually doing the hard work while Harry schmoozes the client. Niki is well-suited for the job because he has a rare condition called hyperacusis, which makes him both sensitive to loud noises and able to hear subtle things that others cannot.

When he runs across a trio of criminals trying to break open a safe at a house where he’s tuning a piano, he helps them more out of frustration than avarice. But when Harry goes into the hospital and racks up huge bills, Niki decides to join the group to make some quick money. They soon want more than he’s willing to give, and he must find a way to extricate himself from them without losing himself completely.

Written and directed by documentary filmmaker Daniel Roher (making his narrative feature debut) and co-written by Robert Ramsey, the film has a nice pace to it despite there being relatively little action. Roher and Ramsey spend the first third or so establishing Niki, Harry, and Harry’s wife Marla (Tovah Feldshuh) as characters, letting the audience understand their relationships and how they interact with each other.

The time they devote to the personal storytelling pays dividends when Niki starts to descend into crime, as his divided loyalties — not to mention the danger of the thefts — insert tension into the plot. That stress is heightened even more when Niki starts a relationship with piano student Ruthie (Havana Rose Liu), as getting closer to her necessitates a series of lies.

There comes a point, though, where the plot stagnates to a degree. Niki’s end goal, if he has one, is never clear, and it’s obvious that it’s only a matter of time before things start to fall apart. After starting strong in their character development, Roher and Ramsey take shortcuts as the film rushes toward its conclusion. This is most notable in a weird argument scene between Niki and Ruthie that comes out of nowhere and seems to serve no purpose in the story.

Woodall, who had a memorable turn in season 2 of The White Lotus, is on the cusp of breaking out, and this understated-but-compelling lead role should help him become an even bigger name in Hollywood. Hoffman has a small role, but he remains as interesting as ever despite the lack of screentime. Liu (Bottoms) is also an up-and-coming actor who should become a star with more roles like this one.

Tuner is a low-key thriller that succeeds because of the way the filmmakers approach the under-used method of robbery. Even if it doesn’t quite reach its potential, the film maintains a high quality throughout thanks to its storytelling and acting.

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Tuner is now playing in theaters.

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Bringing Up Baby

Aftershocks: Real Housewives of New Jersey artfully builds the catfighting drama

Movie Review

Safe cracking takes center stage in new heist movie Tuner

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