Bringing Up Baby

Aftershocks: Real Housewives of New Jersey artfully builds the catfighting drama

Television would never be the same again after the table-flip heard round the world. Bravo aired Teresa Giudice’s Incredible Hulk moment so often that now it seems as normal to flip furniture as to have dessert after a fine meal. What more could happen on The Real Housewives of New Jersey?

The sophomore season of Bravo’s legendary franchise brings us back to Jersey where the drama, name-calling, and rage are so inventive it’s hard to believe the show isn’t scripted. The premiere started with a home video of Jacqueline Laurita delivering baby Nicholas.

After her four miscarriages, of course, it’s a triumph, but fans will remember that her two eldest are already a handful. Ashley, 19, has managed to graduate from high school. She shows up with 23-year-old new boyfriend Derek, and the dog he can’t seem to take care of between shifts at Blockbuster. Ashley’s enjoying her semester off from college, that is, until her parents remind her she isn’t going to college.

Ashley has moved out and likes her newfound independence, admitting, “I would love to open a checking account if I knew how to.” But what her parents really worry about is what goes on after the video store closes. Jacqueline declares: “I know what boys at that age want.”

Meanwhile, she cuddles her newborn in his tiny “Lock Up Your Daughters” T-shirt. Husband Chris isn’t pleased about Derek, but what he’s really mad about is the fact that Jacqueline’s been texting Danielle.

Much of this second season debut episode features Danielle’s quest for spiritual truth and free advice. She insists she didn’t deserve to be called “garbage” in Season One. Really, she doesn’t care about the other housewives anyway.

Scary music blares in the background as Danielle cruises around Franklin Lakes in search of counseling. She begins with a visit to Father Richard, explaining “what a devout Catholic I am.” Who knew? She demands Father Richard teach her how to pray for the other housewives.

Is Linda Blair, now 51, available to play the role of Danielle in the movie version of Cop Without a Badge?

Next Danielle stops at “Posche” (a misspelling of neither Porsche nor Posh). At Ye Olde Posche (just the kind of boutique an aging Jersey girl with a Bedazzler would open) owner Kim “D” tries to peddle faux-leather leggings to Danielle and her two daughters. Danielle doesn’t suspect that Kim might be a double agent and a simpatico to the others.

Danielle begs advice next from her pedicurist Rosa, who lets it slip that Caroline is having a $1,000-a-head benefit for the local sheriff. Danielle feigns indifference, telling Rosa it’s a struggle to pay the bills. Clearly Danielle is not skimping on nail care.

It’s Teresa, the household philosopher of the Jersey women, who asks the truly burning questions. Is it proper to make red sauce while menstruating? Answer: No. Should you marry an Italian or a Jew? Answer: Italians are not as good to their wives.

Later, at Caroline’s benefit party, acting on information from double-agent Kim’s husband, Teresa muses that Danielle may have slept with as many as 500 guys. This information brings out the poet in Teresa, who speculates on Danielle’s depth. How big is it? “Not the Lincoln tunnel, not the Holland tunnel: what’s the longest tunnel?” she inquires. She even tips her hat, saying, “Danielle you put the cont in contradiction.”

The moon waxes, and it’s not only the dash light of Danielle’s SUV that puts a glint in her eye as she drives on, contemplating crashing Caroline’s benefit.

Her daughters give her the best free advice of the evening from the backseat: “Don’t go there, Mom, you’re not a creepy stalker.”

No, of course she isn’t.

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Movie Review

Billie Eilish takes fans behind the scenes in immersive 3D tour film

Photo by Henry Hwu/courtesy of Paramount Pictures

Billie Eilish in Billie Eilish: Hit Me Hard and Soft - The Tour Live in 3D.

In 2021, at the tender age of 19, singer Billie Eilish was already the subject of a documentary, The World’s a Little Blurry. At that point, she had only released one album, so the film threatened to feel too early for such treatment. The ensuing five years have only made her a bigger star, though, so in many ways that movie now feels prescient for the person on display in the new concert documentary with the unwieldy title of Billie Eilish: Hit Me Hard and Soft - The Tour Live in 3D.

Directed by Eilish and blockbuster filmmaker James Cameron, the film takes viewers inside Eilish’s 2024-2025 tour in support of her latest album, 2023’s Hit Me Hard and Soft. Filmed mostly at her series of shows in Manchester, England, the movie is a showcase for Eilish’s music, but it also serves as a smaller exploration of the type of person she is, as well as the impact she has had on her legion of fans.

The draw of the film is the use of Cameron’s beloved 3D technology, which he has employed in each of the three Avatar films. Unlike in those films, where the 3D has the odd effect of making the visuals too realistic for their own good, the technique brings an intimacy to the large-scale show that underscores the unique bond the singer has with her supporters.

Eilish and Cameron go back and forth between performances at the concert to behind-the-scenes sequences, detailing the enormous effort it takes to put on a show like that and how Eilish spends her time getting ready for it. As in The World’s a Little Blurry, this film continues to portray the singer as down-to-Earth, someone who yearns to maintain the connection to her fans that she’s had since she released her first single, “Ocean Eyes,” 10 years ago.

And as the many emotional songs in Eilish’s concert playlist prove, the feeling from the crowd is mutual. While Eilish has multiple bangers like “Bad Guy,” “Therefore I Am,” and the Charli XCX collaboration “Guess,” it’s the sad songs like “Everything I Wanted,” “Happier Than Ever,” and the Oscar-winning Barbie anthem, “What Was I Made For?” that hit the hardest. The depth of feeling emanating from her many sobbing fans singing along to crushing songs cannot be understated.

For audiences of the film, though, it’s the breadth of camera angles and shot choices that make it truly dynamic. There are cameras everywhere, including in the crowd, inside a cube at the center of the stage that rises and descends, following Eilish as she traipses every inch of the long, rectangular stage, and even a small one Eilish uses to bring an extra personal touch to the in-arena screen. Combined, they capture the complete energy of the concert, something that is not always the case in a film of this type.

Eilish has almost as many movies — two — as she does albums — three — which borders on overkill for a singer of her age. But both her music and the movies show her to be a person who knows the responsibility of being a celebrity, someone who understands that her fans are the reason she’s famous at all. Her career may go up or down from here, but it’s clear she’s already made a huge impact on those who love her most.

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Billie Eilish: Hit Me Hard and Soft - The Tour Live in 3D opens in theaters on May 8.

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