weekend event planner

Here are the top 12 things to do in Houston this weekend

Raise a glass to your Houston Astros at The Rustic on Thursday.

Judging by this weekend, Houstonians are getting out there en masse. Toast your Houston Astros as they toss the first pitch of the season, meet a winemaker at a happy hour, hit an outdoor market, stroll a waterfront art fest, and feast on crawfish.

Pet parents, look for two dog-friendly (and pet-friendly) events this weekend — including pilates for pets. And work of your stress with a free yoga class.

Whew, that's quite a list. Here are your best bets for the weekend.

Thursday, April 8

Astros Opening Day Celebration at The Rustic
The Rustic (aka the go-to destination for Houston Astros pre- and post-game celebrations) will open early for Astros fans to grab drinks and food before the first pitch. Starting at 3 p.m., DJ Dayta will perform while guests hang out and enjoy drink specials, including a Karbach Brewing Co. tap takeover with free swag and $25 buckets of five beers. They will also grill hot dogs and serve double queso for guests to quickly grab on the front yard. Noon.

The Great Garment Giveaway at SuitMart
SuitMart announces the first “Houston Strong” community-wide clothing giveaway (at its South Main location) to help those economically impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic and the recent weather-related events. With more than 20,000 units of women’s apparel to be made available, the speciality retailer has invited local churches, shelters, charities and municipal leaders and dignitaries within the Houston area to give back to local organizations in need. 5 pm.

Friday, April 9

Savoir presents Meet the Winemaker happy hour
Armenian winemaking began over 6,000 years ago, making it the oldest winemaking region in the world. Savoir will be celebrating that by welcoming winemaker Vahe Keushguerian for a tasting of wine from Armenia. Keushguerian is the founder of a winery called Keush, which specializes in sparkling wine made from grapes indigenous to Armenia. Attendees will have the opportunity to meet Keushguerian and learn about the past, present, and future of Armenian winemaking. 4:30 pm.

Walk to End HIV Virtual Celebration
This weekend, AIDS Foundation Houston (AFH) will host a virtual celebration at AIDSWalkHouston.org to celebrate the 32nd annual Walk to End HIV. The event will recognize year’s top fundraisers, present grants to benefitting agencies and honor the 2021 AIDS Walk underwriters and agency partners. The celebration, hosted by a surprise local celebrity, will feature special performances and appearances from leaders in the community. 6 pm.

Saturday, April 10

Eastside Market at Tres Chic
The 3rd Eastside Market Pop-Up will be going down this weekend, and all the vendors will be showing up and coming correct. We're talking Aspire Accessories, Anna Irions, Collectivo, Lexington, Hila, Monica Haff Designs, and, of course, Tres Chic. The Bovine & Barley cocktail truck will be there, serving adult ice-cream specialties, from 10am-4pm. Other food trucks will also be in attendance. 9 am.

Citizen Pilates presents Pilates for Pets
Bring your own mat and meet us a free, 30-minute, outdoor Pilates workout, hosted by Citizen Pilates, benefitting Animal Justice League. Snuggle up to the furry guests that will be around, and don't forget to bring dog/puppy, kitten/cat food to donate at the event. Bully sticks are a bonus. This event is open to anyone and family-friendly. For every donation received, enjoy a complimentary queso from Valencia’s Tex-Mex Garage. 10 am.

Lone Star Flight Museum B-17 tours and peeks
This weekend, The Lone Star Flight Museum will offer free tours and peeks inside the Boeing B-17 Flying Fortress to museum visitors for one last time this year. Thunderbird is preparing to head to the Mid America Flight Museum in Mt. Pleasant for the remainder of the year, but will return to LSFM next year. Tours and sneak peeks, normally $5 per person, will be offered for free throughout the day to all visitors with a general admission ticket. Members get in free. 10 am.

Saturday crawfish boils w/ a live DJ at B.B. Lemon
B.B. Lemon will be taking advantage of crawfish season three more times before it ends. They'll be having a regular, Saturday brunch with a live DJ this Saturday — and on May 8 and June 5. Enjoy tunes by a live DJ and mudbugs featuring Berg Hospitality's own Jeff Baron's NOLA recipe. For this weekend, the DJ will be DJ Friendster. Crawfish will be served from 11am-3pm — or until it runs out. Reservations are recommended and can be made by phone. 11 am.

Woodlands Waterway Arts Festival
This Saturday and Sunday, the scenic banks of The Woodlands Waterway and Town Green Park will be transformed into an outdoor art gallery featuring the work of over 150 international, national, and regional juried artists. A variety of original art, including painting, fiber, jewelry, photography, and mixed media will be on display. Live music and children’s art activities will provide a fun family experience, and local food, wine, and beer will add to the atmosphere. 11 am.

Dog Day at Buffalo Bayou Brewing Co.
Bring your pup to celebrate National Pet Day at Buffalo Bayou Brewing Co., which will be referring to itself at "RuffBrew" this weekend. Join them out in the tents for flavorful, homemade dog-friendly eats and treats both you and your pup will enjoy. A special appearance from Houston PetSet, puptastic raffle items, and brews on tap are waiting for you. Leash up your furry friend and come "pawty" with the pack. Noon.

The War on Pleasure at The Plant House
Back by popular demand, 5th Wave Productions presents Robin Goldstein's informative musical comedy. This one-man musical will bring health food fanatics, fast food lovers and theatre aficionados together to listen to the story of the 200-year fight against delicious food, started by 19th-century Puritan radicals who originally created the health-food industry as a cure for adolescent sexuality. Tickets are $20 and includes free beer. 6 pm.

Sunday, April 11

YogaSix Restore - free yoga class
YogaSix will be having a free yoga class this weekend, outside their new studio at West University. The class will develop your strength, flexibility, comfort level, and stamina as you challenge your body and mind. You will receive an experience that is energizing, empowering, and fun. After the class, receive 20 percent off from Fellini Cafe and a free, avocado hummus voucher from Flower Child. Please arrive up to 15 minutes before to register and get yourself "sixuated." 9 am.

event-planner

Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

Photo by Matt Grace

Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

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Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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