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    (He picks blonde one)

    Spoiler Alert! The scripts for future Bachelor shows are already out: ReadAshley Hebert's future

    Caroline Gallay
    Mar 15, 2011 | 2:45 pm
    • Emily Maynard and Brad Womack from "The Bachelor"
    • Ashley Hebert, the new Bachelorette
      Photo by Raphael Mazzucco

    ABC's The Bachelor has become arguably the most predictable show on reality television. You can practically smell the (stinky) cheese, and with Reality Steve and/or a modest dose of social aptitude, viewers can usually tell how it's going to end long before the final rose has fallen.

    It doesn't help that I'm not the biggest fan of the show, what with its pathetic success rate as far as the engaged couples sticking together, so we'll skip a discussion of the latest finale (Brad Womack picks Emily; Ashley Hebert ends up being the new Bachelorette) for this much-easier template coverage:

    "Last night's finale of Season (insert number) of The Bachelor brought heartbreak for the (insert adjective) (insert occupation) (select classic name, misspelled for effect) and elation for winner (insert name).

    (Insert overtly masculine name) met each of his loves on a (select: sunset beach/rugged cliff/candelit cove), and though he had palpable chemistry with both women after six weeks of whirlwind courtship, brought (insert name) to tears in favor of the more (adventurous/stable/thrilling/familiar) (insert name).

    (Insert name) proposed with a (insert cut) (insert precious metal) and (insert gemstone) ring by (select celebrity jeweler), valued at (select enormous figure implied to have come from contestant's checking account, even though it was obviously paid for by ABC/the devil).

    Her cries of "YES! Of course, yes!" were nearly drowned out by the (drown of the surf/squeals of one of the contestant's young children/make-out noises).

    Tune in to After the Final Rose to see if the couple is (inevitably not) still together."

    Feel free to use this template for all future editions of The Bachelor franchise.

    Editor's note: Are you a bigger Bachelor fan than Caroline? Check out KTRK Ch. 13's photo gallery of the show's finale.

    unspecified
    news/entertainment

    Movie Review

    Michelle Pfeiffer visits Houston in new Christmas movie Oh. What. Fun.

    Alex Bentley
    Dec 5, 2025 | 3:30 pm
    Michelle Pfeiffer in Oh. What. Fun.
    Photo courtesy of Amazon MGM Studios
    Michelle Pfeiffer in Oh. What. Fun.

    Of all the formulaic movie genres, Christmas/holiday movies are among the most predictable. No matter what the problem is that arises between family members, friends, or potential romantic partners, the stories in holiday movies are designed to give viewers a feel-good ending even if the majority of the movie makes you feel pretty bad.

    That’s certainly the case in Oh. What. Fun., in which Michelle Pfeiffer plays Claire, an underappreciated mom living in Houston with her inattentive husband, Nick (Denis Leary). As the film begins, her three children are arriving back home for Christmas: The high-strung Channing (Felicity Jones) is married to the milquetoast Doug (Jason Schwartzman); the aloof Taylor (Chloë Grace Moretz) brings home yet another new girlfriend; and the perpetual child Sammy (Dominic Sessa) has just broken up with his girlfriend.

    Each of the family members seems to be oblivious to everything Claire does for them, especially when it comes to what she really wants: For them to nominate her to win a trip to see a talk show in L.A. hosted by Zazzy Tims (Eva Longoria). When she accidentally gets left behind on a planned outing to see a show, Claire reaches her breaking point and — in a kind of Home Alone in reverse — she decides to drive across the country to get to the show herself.

    Written and directed by Michael Showalter (The Idea of You), and co-written by Chandler Baker (who wrote the short story on which the film is based), the movie never establishes any kind of enjoyable rhythm. Each of the characters, including competitive neighbor Jeanne (Joan Chen), is assigned a character trait that becomes their entire personality, with none of them allowed to evolve into something deeper.

    The filmmakers lean hard into the idea that Claire is a person who always puts her family first and receives very little in return, but the evidence presented in the story is sketchy at best. Every situation shown in the film is so superficial that tension barely exists, and the (over)reactions by Claire give her family members few opportunities to make up for their failings.

    The most interesting part of the movie comes when Claire actually makes it to the Zazzy Sims show. Even though what happens there is just as unbelievable as anything else presented in the story, Showalter and Baker concoct a scene that allows Claire and others to fully express the central theme of the film, and for a few minutes the movie actually lives up to its title.

    Pfeiffer, given her first leading role since 2020’s French Exit, is a somewhat manic presence, and her thick Texas accent and unnecessary voiceover don’t do her any favors. It seems weird to have such a strong supporting cast with almost nothing of substance to do, but almost all of them are wasted, including Danielle Brooks in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo. The lone exception is Longoria, who is a blast in the few scenes she gets.

    Oh. What. Fun. is far from the first movie to try and fail at becoming a new holiday classic, but the pedigree of Showalter and the cast make this dismal viewing experience extra disappointing. Ironically, overworked and underappreciated moms deserve a much better story than the one this movie delivers.

    ---

    Oh. What. Fun. is now streaming on Prime Video.

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