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    (He picks blonde one)

    Spoiler Alert! The scripts for future Bachelor shows are already out: ReadAshley Hebert's future

    Caroline Gallay
    Mar 15, 2011 | 2:45 pm
    • Emily Maynard and Brad Womack from "The Bachelor"
    • Ashley Hebert, the new Bachelorette
      Photo by Raphael Mazzucco

    ABC's The Bachelor has become arguably the most predictable show on reality television. You can practically smell the (stinky) cheese, and with Reality Steve and/or a modest dose of social aptitude, viewers can usually tell how it's going to end long before the final rose has fallen.

    It doesn't help that I'm not the biggest fan of the show, what with its pathetic success rate as far as the engaged couples sticking together, so we'll skip a discussion of the latest finale (Brad Womack picks Emily; Ashley Hebert ends up being the new Bachelorette) for this much-easier template coverage:

    "Last night's finale of Season (insert number) of The Bachelor brought heartbreak for the (insert adjective) (insert occupation) (select classic name, misspelled for effect) and elation for winner (insert name).

    (Insert overtly masculine name) met each of his loves on a (select: sunset beach/rugged cliff/candelit cove), and though he had palpable chemistry with both women after six weeks of whirlwind courtship, brought (insert name) to tears in favor of the more (adventurous/stable/thrilling/familiar) (insert name).

    (Insert name) proposed with a (insert cut) (insert precious metal) and (insert gemstone) ring by (select celebrity jeweler), valued at (select enormous figure implied to have come from contestant's checking account, even though it was obviously paid for by ABC/the devil).

    Her cries of "YES! Of course, yes!" were nearly drowned out by the (drown of the surf/squeals of one of the contestant's young children/make-out noises).

    Tune in to After the Final Rose to see if the couple is (inevitably not) still together."

    Feel free to use this template for all future editions of The Bachelor franchise.

    Editor's note: Are you a bigger Bachelor fan than Caroline? Check out KTRK Ch. 13's photo gallery of the show's finale.

    unspecified
    news/entertainment

    Movie Review

    Billie Eilish takes fans behind the scenes in immersive 3D tour film

    Alex Bentley
    May 7, 2026 | 3:30 pm
    Billie Eilish in Billie Eilish: Hit Me Hard and Soft - The Tour Live in 3D
    Photo by Henry Hwu/courtesy of Paramount Pictures
    Billie Eilish in Billie Eilish: Hit Me Hard and Soft - The Tour Live in 3D.

    In 2021, at the tender age of 19, singer Billie Eilish was already the subject of a documentary, The World’s a Little Blurry. At that point, she had only released one album, so the film threatened to feel too early for such treatment. The ensuing five years have only made her a bigger star, though, so in many ways that movie now feels prescient for the person on display in the new concert documentary with the unwieldy title of Billie Eilish: Hit Me Hard and Soft - The Tour Live in 3D.

    Directed by Eilish and blockbuster filmmaker James Cameron, the film takes viewers inside Eilish’s 2024-2025 tour in support of her latest album, 2023’s Hit Me Hard and Soft. Filmed mostly at her series of shows in Manchester, England, the movie is a showcase for Eilish’s music, but it also serves as a smaller exploration of the type of person she is, as well as the impact she has had on her legion of fans.

    The draw of the film is the use of Cameron’s beloved 3D technology, which he has employed in each of the three Avatar films. Unlike in those films, where the 3D has the odd effect of making the visuals too realistic for their own good, the technique brings an intimacy to the large-scale show that underscores the unique bond the singer has with her supporters.

    Eilish and Cameron go back and forth between performances at the concert to behind-the-scenes sequences, detailing the enormous effort it takes to put on a show like that and how Eilish spends her time getting ready for it. As in The World’s a Little Blurry, this film continues to portray the singer as down-to-Earth, someone who yearns to maintain the connection to her fans that she’s had since she released her first single, “Ocean Eyes,” 10 years ago.

    And as the many emotional songs in Eilish’s concert playlist prove, the feeling from the crowd is mutual. While Eilish has multiple bangers like “Bad Guy,” “Therefore I Am,” and the Charli XCX collaboration “Guess,” it’s the sad songs like “Everything I Wanted,” “Happier Than Ever,” and the Oscar-winning Barbie anthem, “What Was I Made For?” that hit the hardest. The depth of feeling emanating from her many sobbing fans singing along to crushing songs cannot be understated.

    For audiences of the film, though, it’s the breadth of camera angles and shot choices that make it truly dynamic. There are cameras everywhere, including in the crowd, inside a cube at the center of the stage that rises and descends, following Eilish as she traipses every inch of the long, rectangular stage, and even a small one Eilish uses to bring an extra personal touch to the in-arena screen. Combined, they capture the complete energy of the concert, something that is not always the case in a film of this type.

    Eilish has almost as many movies — two — as she does albums — three — which borders on overkill for a singer of her age. But both her music and the movies show her to be a person who knows the responsibility of being a celebrity, someone who understands that her fans are the reason she’s famous at all. Her career may go up or down from here, but it’s clear she’s already made a huge impact on those who love her most.

    ---

    Billie Eilish: Hit Me Hard and Soft - The Tour Live in 3D opens in theaters on May 8.

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