In case you've been living under a rock for the past week, Charlie Sheen is on what we in college called "a tear."
Is he going to rehab? Losing his mind? Keeping his show? Dating two porn stars? At this point it's impossible to keep up. So rather than trying to ingest all the heaping doses of crazy Sheen keeps serving up on his whirlwind "It's Charlie, bitch" media world tour, we're just going to set back and watch him take over the Internet.
It's not the web's fault. This series of tubes is naturally attracted to inflated egos, ridiculousness and schadenfreude, and Sheen is hitting the trifecta. So since you must have Charlie Sheen in your world, here's the best way to appreciate his public meltdown.
It's called winning, folks. Get used to it.
Sheen joined Twitter for the first time on Tuesday and by Wednesday had over a million followers, a feat that was both recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records and responsible for single handedly killing all the "Twitter can be used for good" stories coming out of the Middle East.
Fortunately, Charlie Sheen's Twitter is just full of Charlie Sheen jokes and the words "#winning" and "#tigerblood." Because, you know, if you're going to hear them, might as well get them from the mothership.
2. Sheen vs. Glenn Beck vs. Muammar Gaddafi
The world only has room for one, maybe two raving lunatics on a global stage. Right now the global balance is in danger of disruption with the ravings of Sheen, Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi and Human Turd Blanket Glenn Beck all bringing their A game. Don't believe me?
Take the ‘Sheen, Beck, or Gaddafi?’ quiz devised by the geniuses at New York mag. Out of 15 quotes, how many can you source? It's harder than you think.
3. Charlie Sheen quote generator
Need to add a little more awesome to your vocabulary? Head to LiveTheSheenDream.com for gems like "I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen," and "Sorry my life is so much more bitchin’ than yours. I planned it that way." Open a conversation with a few of these and that hot chick with low self esteem is all yours, bro.