Toddler Beer Man
David Arquette's Oprah whine reveals the woes of frat pack comics: You're up,Vaughn
In an interview on The Oprah Winfrey Show, beleaguered bro-median David Arquette divulged details on his battle with alcohol and sundry substances. At the top of the list of confessions, Arquette admitted to trying his first beer at the age of 4.
"I seriously started drinking probably when I was about 12. I stole pot from my father when I was 8 years old," the 39-year-old told O in a show that aired Thursday.
It's a sad story, but the actor (who says he's in his 56th day of sobriety) is in the midst of a demise that parallels the lives of many male comedians who are fast approaching middle age — let's call them the frat pack. These guys are white, don't take things too seriously, star opposite pretty girls in romcoms, and rely on an overdone, youthful humor that's more appealing to a pledge class than their maturing peers.
They may provide laughs, but ultimately, the schtick can be toolish. Case in point — Arquette's rendition of the moments leading up to rehab, in which estranged wife Courtney Cox and sister Patricia Arquette confronted him in his living room. He recounts to Oprah, "I go, 'What up Turkeys? I guess this is my intervention!' "
Adorable. Yet Arquette is simply joining a solid clique of bro-magnum fading stars:
- Despite having proven himself as a legitimate actor in such dramas as Punch Drunk Love and Spanglish, Adam Sandler still can't resist the pull of such romcoms as 50 First Dates and Just Go with It. Last year's bro-magnum all star tribute, Grown Ups, was the registered Republican's brain child.
- Wedding Crashers top bro Vince Vaughn turns 41 this year. He's already celebrating with the release of The Dilemma, which has come under a critical eye for the derogatory use of the word "gay."
- Will Andy Dick ever recover his reputation? The father of three was most recently dismissed from a pornographic movie awards ceremony. At this point, he's been relegated to voice-overs in such maligned sequels as Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil.
- Rob Schneider's golden days in Saturday Night Live and Home Alone 2 are over, so now we must sit through feature-length penis jokes and various hanger-on roles below Adam Sandler. The bottom of the bro-magnum hierarchy lies just above Schneider's trucker hat.