Taking the fun out of cat fight: Kyle Richards' Real Housewives sister slam justrings sad
It was a full moon last night. And it must have been a full moon the night they filmed the finale of the first season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
We love how Bravo always manages to find ever-weirder, prestige-crazed fame whores crawling out of the woodwork wherever the network sets up shop.
This time things might have gone too far though.
We lived through NeNe trying to choke the bodacious Kim in Atlanta. We were ringside for Bethenny’s struggle with the psychotic Kelly Bensimon in New York. We cheered Teresa’s legendary table-flip at Danielle in New Jersey. We were thrilled at the Salahi’s “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” wine supper in D.C. and we giggled at fight after fight in Orange County.
There hasn’t been a fight we couldn’t love on The Real Housewives. The underlying ironies kept us coming back for more of these ultimately petty squabbles. Thursday night, the ugliest fight we’ve ever seen, between two disturbed sisters, however, spoiled our casual fun.
It wasn’t with a smile, either, that we made this armchair (in our case, microfiber-sofa) assessment of each of the Beverly Hills housewives. In the end they might be the saddest lot of any of the franchises.
Lisa Vanderpump has turned out to be our favorite of this bunch, a charming woman at ease with her husband and always happy with the simple things in life, like clipping roses on her massive Los Angeles estate. She’s almost a kind of modern-day Marie Antoinette, playing the farm-maiden out behind Versailles, and we find that dear.
Last night, designer Alan Del Rosario stopped by with some dresses he and Lisa had designed together. Each one was prettier than the last. Lisa has style, always looks terrific, keeps her cool and seems the most compassionate housewife in all of Beverly Hills.
The episode did offer at least one chuckle: Lisa planning her upcoming cookbook with the chef at Villa Blanca. Oh, we can’t wait to get the recipe for the steamed broccoli and boiled potatoes we were served there. Great culinary minds must have been behind those.
We’re shocked to learn that Lisa and Cedric have engaged in their own cold war after an explosive argument. Ken and Lisa finally stood together on the Cedric matter and asked the 37-year-old “permanent houseguest” to move out and move forward with his life. We’ll miss seeing him play Ken to Lisa’s Barbie, but as Lisa said during their poolside family meeting, “It wouldn’t be natural for you to live here even if you were our son.”
Camille Grammer began the season wanting to “come out from under her husband’s shadow and shine.” Be careful what you wish for. All season Kelsey Grammer seemed to be singing “These boots were made for walking.” Or, was he singing “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out”?
In a tearful confession to a friend, Camille says she can’t believe Kelsey’s new girlfriend would tear apart the Grammer family. “Does she know what she’s doing?” she sobs.
Wait a minute: what about Kelsey? Isn’t the real story this season about what an ass he turns out to be?
The confession continues as Camille details more and more instances of Kelsey’s isolating and demeaning behavior. Dry your tears, Camille. Even the horrid eHarmony must be a better option than trying to hang on to this flop. If you stop employing your friends and befriending your employees, you’ll have a circle of sisters on your side in no time.
Adrienne Maloof-Nassif is highly successful at business, but without doubt the dullest character on the Beverly Hills show. She seems to wander through each episode with little more than a weak smile on her face and a predictable cliché on her tongue. We dream that one day, she will pull the Mylar extensions from her hair, the way a convert might toss her crutches after being “saved,” and enter the 21st century of fashion.
It is forever perplexing to us how a woman as beautiful and accomplished as Adrienne ended up with a caveman like Shrek, her plastic-surgeon husband (better known as Paul). Thursday night, Adrienne played the peacekeeper between dueling sisters Kim and Kyle, a role she seems to enjoy. But we feel that Bravo’s cameras never let us get to really know her, even when she grieved over a death in the family in the middle of a shopping trip.
Taylor Armstrong remains the least mysterious of the lot. We’re certain she instigated the fight between Kim and Camille. Not that they needed much help. We’re no longer surprised by the hang-wringing anguish over that dull drip of a husband Russell. We’re ashamed every time we remember he’s a Texan. But Taylor has made her own bed. Nothing says “prenup” like staying with a guy like that. We’re even more ashamed to admit that Paul (“Shrek”) seems like a more appealing option.
If you want a Beverly Hills lifestyle so you can throw absurd parties for your daughter at which you will be photographed extensively in Alice in Wonderland fantasy gear, well, you have to dance with the man you came with. Saddle up, Taylor. At least until you find your own fame and fortune as a lip model.
Kyle Richards made us do some real soul searching. We began the season as total fans. Kyle was Wonder Woman and we yearned for her to wrap her golden lasso around us. We sided with her consistently in her bizarre and banal battles with Camille (and her psychic). We stand by that decision. However, the final limo ride revealed a deep and depraved side, full of rage and resentment directed at an obviously troubled and clearly fragile sister.
Don’t get us wrong: Kim Richards is a problem. All season we’ve been hearing the ticking of this particular time bomb. Social ineptitude, anxious over-parenting, morbid clinging and increasing isolation were all signs. The revelation of her (alleged) alcoholism was a shock and made a serious issue downright grim. So we have no doubt she’s worn her welcome thin with Kyle and Mauricio.
But in the limo, Kyle displayed an uncontrollable zeal to punish her weaker sister in her most vulnerable moment. After Kim accused her of stealing her house, Kyle lashed out. She said about the worst thing you could say to a sibling: “Mom had to die worrying about you and stressing about you.” She might as well have said, “You drove our mother to her death.”
We’re not sure even sisters with a long and perhaps often-co-dependent relationship can recover from a fight like this.
Bravo was at its best and worst tonight in capturing Kim sobbing alone after the others left her in an emotional ghost town. The limo seemed to stretch unbearably on as sad and garish lights flickered over an abandoned mini-bar.
“It’s really bad,” Kim says, scarcely able to speak.
You took the words right out of our mouths.