Observations & ruminations

Golden Globes rundown: Ricky Gervais' snarkiest lines, best penis jokes & oh,yes, the winners — Clooney, Streep & Madonna

Ricky Gervais lived up to his billing
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George Clooney won Best Actor in a Drama for his role in The Descendents
Handout Photo/Getty Images North America
Jane Fonda wins my award for "The Most Smokin' Hot MILF."
Handout Photo/Getty Images North America
The Artist won Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical

In the wake of watching Sunday’s telecast of the 69^th annual Golden Globe Awards on NBC, some random observations and ruminations:

AS NASTY AS HE WANTED TO BE: Didn’t look or sound like Ricky Gervais had reined it in at all for his third gig as host. “It’s so good,” he wisecracked at one point in the evening, “having a job where you can get drunk and say what you want. And they pay you.”

“It’s so good,” Gervais wisecracked at one point in the evening, “having a job where you can get drunk and say what you want. And they pay you.”

"The Hollywood Foreign Press have warned me,” he announced early on, “that if I insult any of you, or any of them, or offend any viewers or cause any controversy whatsoever, they'll definitely invite me back next year as well.”

If that’s true, well, I guess his remarks about Jodie Foster’s Beaver guaranteed a four-peet.

THE LONG RUN: Do you think the people making the seating arrangements thought Laura Dern really didn’t have a shot at winning her Globe as Best TV Actress – Comedy for Enlightened? I mean, geez louise, the poor woman was at a table so far back in the auditorium that she had to walk down steps, bob and weave her way through tables on the main floor, and then dash up steps to pick up her prize. Honest: I was afraid she wouldn’t get there before the clapping stopped.

BEST INTRO OF THE NIGHT: Seth Rogen stands next to Best Film Actress – Comedy award co-presenter Kate Beckinsale and announces: “Hello, I’m Seth Rogen. And I am currently trying to conceal a massive erection.”

Hey, Seth, I’ve interviewed the lady. I can feel your pain.

TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY: Brad Pitt introduces the clip from The Ides of March. George Clooney introduces the clip from Moneyball. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Of course, neither did any other reasonably sentient adult watching the show.

MEOW: Ricky Gervais introduces Madonna (presenter of the Best Foreign-Language Film award) by introducing her as “The Queen of Pop,” interrupts himself to take a dig at Elton John – “Not you, Elton! Sit down!” – then caps it off with allusions to various and sundry Madonna hits. Including, of course, “Like a Virgin.”

But Madonna strikes back: “If I’m still just like a virgin, Ricky, why don’t you come out here and do something about it? I haven’t kissed a girl in years… on stage.”

Really, when was the last time you saw two people at an awards show who seemed less in love?

CLASSIEST ACT: OK, I admit it, Sidney Poitier looked every minute of his 84 years as he paid tribute to Morgan Freeman upon the occasion of Freeman’s receiving the Cecil B. DeMille Award for lifetime achievement – a prize Poitier himself was given way back in 1982. His speech was interminably slow, halting. But when he more or less invited Freeman into the pantheon of living legends – “Welcome aboard, Morgan Freeman!” – I am not the least bit ashamed that I got all teary eyed.

UPSET: I predicted that Michel Hazanavicius would get the Best Director award for The Artist. Instead, Martin Scorsese won for Hugo, my favorite movie of 2011. I have never at any point ever in my life been happier to see one of my predictions proven wrong.

SON OF A BITCH: Is it just me, or did Uggie the pooch from The Artist appear eager to hump Jean Dujardin’s leg the whole time the movie’s producer tried to give his acceptance speech?

AND THE AWARD FOR MOST SMOKIN’ HOT MILF GOES TO: Jane Fonda.

MOST OBVIOUSLY HAMMERED WINNER: Jessica Lange.

BEST PENIS JOKE: George Clooney’s shout-out to Michael Fassbender (Shame).

BEST NON-BLEEPED NAUGHTY BIT: Morgan Freeman to Helen Mirren: “Watching you handle a gun [in Red, their only co-starring stint to date] makes me know I don’t want to piss you off.”

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE MEGAPLEX: Throughout the parade of accolades for The Artist, I found myself thinking: Am I the only one who felt that writer-director Michel Hazanavicius kinda-sorta steps on his own punchline in the movie’s final moments? I mean, it’s supposed to be something of a mildly surprising payoff when we learn the real reason why faded silent-movie superstar George Valentin (Jean Dujardin) has avoided making talking pictures, right? (Not exactly a spoiler: The guy has a pronounced French accent.) But this revelation comes across so hastily and off-handedly — to me, at least — that I’ll bet the joke goes right over the heads of many people. Even people who like the film.

LEAST SURPRISING WIN: Meryl Streep for The Iron Lady. Seriously: Was there ever any doubt?

WORST PERFORMANCE: Meryl Streep trying to look surprised… when she won for The Iron Lady.

I TOLD YOU SO: Madonna got her Golden Globe for Best Song – just like I predicted. Would I lie to you?

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Movie Review

Robert Pattinson and Zendaya face pre-marriage jitters in The Drama

Photo courtesy of A24

Robert Pattinson and Zendaya in The Drama.

Robert Pattinson and Zendaya will be seen together a lot at the movies in 2026, with mega-films like The Odyssey and Dune: Part Three coming out later in the year. But fans can get a much more intimate look at the two stars in a film that offers a unique take on relationship struggles, The Drama.

Emma (Zendaya) and Charlie (Pattinson) are a New York couple who are engaged to be married. After a quick-but-effective montage of their courtship, the story joins them as they are just days away from their wedding. As they get all the details like music, flowers, and food finalized, a visit to the caterer with married friends Rachel (Alana Haim) and Mike (Mamoudou Athie) proves fateful.

A few too many drinks leads to each member of the group deciding to divulge the worst thing they’ve ever done. While each story is slightly shocking, Emma’s takes the cake, so much so that Charlie starts to question their relationship. As they get closer to the wedding date, Charlie finds it increasingly difficult to get beyond Emma’s revelation, with each real or imagined conversation threatening to derail their previously tight bond.

Written and directed by Kristoffer Borgli, the film is provocative, funny, and cringey as it tries to get to the center of human dynamics. Charlie, Rachel, and Mike have starkly different reactions to Emma’s story, and the way those play out over the course of the film provides, well, the drama. The harder Charlie tries to justify Emma’s past, the more his underlying feelings start to eat at him, causing friction not just between him and Emma, but in other parts of his life, as well.

Strangely, especially for a character played by Zendaya, Emma recedes more than expected. Her explanations for her previous actions are timid at best, and she mostly seems to be waiting for Charlie to forgive her instead of questioning why she needs forgiveness. Borgli favors the male side of the equation, and in so doing he doesn’t dig as deep into the root of the issue as he could have.

Still, the downward spiral at the center of the story has a propulsive nature to it, and each successive step proves to be both hard to watch and impossible to turn away from. It also helps that Borgli manages the tone well, keeping interactions between characters relatively light so that the film doesn’t turn into one like Marriage Story.

Pattinson, who gets to use his own British accent for once, put on an interesting performance that is much better than his last two roles in Mickey 17 and Die My Love. He has good chemistry with Zendaya, who manages to shine despite being laden with a role that doesn’t play entirely to her strengths. Haim and Athie do good work in small roles, while Hailey Grace and Hannah Gross make an impact in brief appearances.

The situation in which Emma and Charlie find themselves in The Drama is not one to be wished on anyone, but it’s presented well by Borgli, keeping tensions high for the bulk of the film. Despite the two main characters not given completely equal footing, the story finds a way to get to a satisfactory ending.

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The Drama opens in theaters on April 3.

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