Guess who's coming to town?

No, not Santa Claus. Guess again.

Sure, Taylor Swift will be hanging around Saturday, but we'll give you one more shot — this one's even better.

If you guessed presidential hopefuls Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich, give yourself a little pat on the back.

This Saturday night, the motley duo — one far from a front runner in the polls — will hold court in The Woodlands Resort and Conference Center to duke it out on undoubtedly riveting political issues.

Or perhaps Cain will spend the entire evening dodging sexual harassment questions and singing his pizza song while Gingrich hopes to start using two fingers to count his percentage of supporters.

Whatever they do, that's up to them and their teleprompters. What's more notable isn't who is coming to town, but who isn't, who hasn't, or who won't.

Michelle Obama? Visit to Houston scrapped due to a "family scheduling conflict." Top Chef: Texas? Lamely demanded too much money for Houston to pay to be included. Even The Woodlands-reared Arcade Fire waited six years to grace Houston with its presence.

Hell, we didn't even get a damn space shuttle of our own to keep, and NASA is based in Houston.

Why is it that the New Yorks, Los Angeleses, and Chicagos of the country get the heavy hitters — President Obama, Mitt Romney, Will and Kate — and we get the paparazzi lightweights?

Everyone knows that Houston's the fourth-largest city in the country — and one of the fastest growing in the nation. And yet, we get pop culture and political peanuts?

Pfft.

Good on Cain and Gingrich for making the arduous pilgrimage to The Woodlands. But if you're expecting us to sit up and take notice of these C-listers, think again.