P.S. I don't love you
Celebrating Cranky Co-workers Day with passive-aggressive office Post-its
It's officially Cranky Co-workers Day, which means that we can vent about the obnoxious people we spend eight (or nine, or 10) hours with a day. Undoubtedly, the passive aggressive e-mails, snide water cooler chatter and golf course gossip merits its own holiday.
For our readers, we've compiled some of our favorite instances of cranky sass from PassiveAggressiveNotes.com. If weight gain is one of your favorite topics of judgment, then leave a Post-it notes for a pregnant coworker:
Please do not take this the wrong way, I am just concerned for your health. Have you considered Weight Watchers? I lost 20 pounds that way!!! We even have a program here at work. Tues @ noon — hope to see you there! ☺"
Other winners? Affixing a Post-It on stray items reading, "This is in the way," or placing cleaning products on a communal lunch table with the tag, "Someone... Please clean up this messy lunch table!"
Territorial issues become points of contention in office space, so it's important to claim what's yours. To become the master of your tissue box domain, sometimes it's necessary to write with permanent marker a disclaimer on a box of deluxe Puffs:
I had a cold/cough & I decided to buy some Puffs kleenex w/ lotion. Believe it or not, they're not cheap so I'm not sharing. Buy hey, they still have some at the store so you could always go buy your own you know. Seriously, only because these are a little costly I'm not sharing, otherwise, you'd be all good. But again, they're not CHEAP! How would you feel if I used up all of your "whatever"? B/c my last box... OMG! got used up fast & it wasn't even by me! I was so hot about it, and I know you can afford it b/c I can. I know you're not broke b/c you work the same place I do, am I right or am I right?"
All too frequently, office aggression revolves around the refrigerator. One bossy employee posted an e-mail on the community fridge:
Now that we have a nice clean refrigerator again, let's try to avoid storing food in large bags. This includes plastic grocery bags, paper bags and any other bags besides transparent Ziploc-style bags."
The food wars even extend beyond appliances. CultureMap president Nic Philips recently sent out a mass e-mail following an office party that featured certain designer cupcakes:
At Sprinkles today they recommended that their cupcakes not be refrigerated as that dries them out. They say they have a 3 day shelf life so not to worry leaving them out.
If anything, this instance demonstrates that a friendly, benevolent sense of guidance lurks behind every cranky coworker. What sage advice have you received from an officemate lately?
P.S. To whomever in the CultureMap office has entitled himself to my (now half-empty) bottle of extra virgin olive oil — stop it.