No, you can't have one
Going bananas: 23 monkeys are running loose in Waller; wild wildfire escapeestormenting cops
"Planet of the Apes" has nothing on Waller County.
Waller County, guard your bananas.
While the wildfires just north of Houston continue to fluctuate between containment and rage, some of the inhabitants of Waller County are going a little bananas.
After all, they are monkeys.
Yes, you heard us correctly. Word in the forest is that one of the ravaged county's residents had illegally housed 23 primates, which, with the onset of the fiery catastrophes, were either voluntarily or involuntarily released into the wild.
But since this is the fourth-largest city in the United States, you simply can't have monkeys running wild across the metropolitan area, Planet of the Apes-style.
So authorities were called in to capture the critters, and that's when the real monkey business began.
"One bit [an unidentified official]," said James Jackson, a volunteer from Houston assisting with wildfire management efforts. "Another scratched a cop, stole his phone, took the battery off and started to bite it."
You know, we don't really want to believe that primates view their fellow DNA-sharers as paltry playthings. But we suppose we can't blame them for running amuck amidst the chaos of wildfire.
"Residents aren't allowed back in yet," Jackson said. "Monkeys are being spotted around the high lines on FM 1488. I heard that Texas Parks and Wildlife is out there investigating."
As of now, there are no reports on whether or not any of the animals have been captured. Most of the monkeys on the loose are believed to be Rhesus monkeys, known for their distinctive pink faces.
It's a zoo out there, folks. So even if you really, really want to, we'd guess that officials are recommending you don't head up to Waller County to acquire a new primate pet any time soon.
And keep your banana bushels well-guarded.
