Ken Hoffman chides New York Times' Houston travel guide and explains why our city isn't a great place to visit

come for a lifetime

Photo courtesy The Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

Here we go again, and again...

Another “36 Hours in Houston” article telling readers where to go and what to do if they have a short spell to spend here. The latest ran in TheNew York Times last week, written by Shannon Sims, who claims that she grew up in Houston and continues to live here.

Thing is, Sims' read just like the one the Times ran in 2016. And the one they ran in 2010. They might as well just move here.

Thirty-six hours doesn’t do Houston justice. They’re written by travel writers, who sometimes don’t live here, for tourists who’ve never been here. Houston isn’t that kind of town. First impressions aren’t our strength.

For example:

Out-of-state media had a field day the first time the Super Bowl was held at NRG Stadium in 2004. Sportswriters complained about the weather, the distance between their hotels and the teams’ practice facilities and the stadium, the traffic, complimentary food spreads in the media room, just about everything. Freeloading whiners.

Writers sent so many negative stories about Houston back to their hometown newspapers that it caught the attention of ABC World News Tonight. An ABC News producer got hold of my name and asked if I’d go on with World News Tonight anchor Forrest Sawyer to talk about the badmouthing of Houston.

Sure.

Welcome to the real Houston

They asked me where I’d like to do the interview, somewhere that looked like Houston. I said meet me in the Galleria area, on the corner of Sage and Richmond. I positioned myself facing south so the big Men’s Club sign would be over my shoulder. If I’m going to talk about Houston … let’s get real about Houston.

Just before we started the interview, a Men’s Club bouncer ordered us to turn off the camera and leave. Even though we were on a public street, we left. He was a big’un. We went across the street and did the interview in front of Pete’s Fine Meats.

I delivered my usual pro-Houston talking points — most diverse city in America (which I do not believe, by the way), 80 golf courses, 10,000 restaurants (not sure I believe that one, either), Galveston Beach, Whataburger, on and on, etc.

Defending and promoting Houston became my thing. Whenever a major convention came to town, I would write the welcome letter, bragging about all there was to see and do here — pretty much a “36 Hours in Houston.”

Come for a lifetime — not a vacay

But truth, I would never recommend Houston as a short vacation destination. I would say, though, if you’re looking for a place to put down roots, raise a family, live your life … consider Houston for the long haul.

To paraphrase that sign outside Goode Company Barbecue on Kirby, “You might give some serious thought to thanking your lucky stars that you’re in … Houston.”

Spending 36 Hours in Houston is an empty promise. I’ve seen all those “Things to Do in Houston” and “Top 10 Attractions in Houston” lists provided by Trip Advisor, Time Out, Trip Savvy, Travelzoo and others: the Museum of Natural Science, Houston Zoo, the Galleria, Houston Arboretum, Menil Collection, Rothko Chapel, Bayou Place, the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston, and more.

What’s a tourist supposed to do at Rothko Chapel – pray that Southwest Airlines finds their luggage before it’s time to go home?

I have friends visit from out-of-state. I’ve never taken them to any of those places. I’ve never been to most of them myself.

When friends tell me that they’re coming to Houston, I’m tempted to say, “Stay where you are, I’ll come to you.”

From the looks of most travel stories about Houston, the No. 1 (and practically only) thing to do here is eat. We do have limitless fine restaurants with international cuisines. That’s one reason, along with the number of convenience stores and movie theaters here, why Houston has won many titles as “America’s Fattest City,” which we’re not. It’s just a dumb algorithm.

We’re simply not a hot tourist destination. Several years ago, I wrote about the most-visited tourist attractions in Houston. You know what was No. 1? The Galleria. Now every city has a galleria and every city brags about its restaurants.

Houston, in a good year, attracts 18 million visitors, and most of them come from within Texas. San Antonio draws more than 30 million tourists. San Antonio has the River Walk, the Alamo, Natural Bridge Caverns, Six Flags Fiesta Texas, and SeaWorld.

Houston’s top amusement park is in a Fiesta supermarket parking lot.

Do it right

This isn’t to say that spending 36 Hours in Houston is a waste of time. You just need to time it right. Come in March and spend a day at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. It’s a world-class event and tons of fun with a big name concert and funnel cake to close out your night.

Or, come during the summer when the Astros are playing at Minute Maid Park. There’s no more enjoyable sports experience in Texas than an Astros game. If you live up north, get here in winter to escape your deep freeze at home.

If you’ve got only 36 hours on your hands, maybe Houston isn’t for you. But if you’ve got the rest of your life, then Houston could be the place.

MFAH Courtesy Photo

New York Times showcases Bayou City's best in glowing '36 hours in Houston' travel guide

NYT on HOU

With events like the rodeo, the Final Four, and the College Football National Championship coming to Houston in the next 12 months, travelers will be flocking to Houston. Of course, they’ll need some advice about where to say, eat, shop, and sightsee.

The New York Times offers its suggestions in the latest version of it “36 hours in Houston” column, an update to articles it has published in 2010 and 2016. In this edition, author Shannon Sims, identified in the article as a writer who “grew up in Houston and lives there today,” offers a mix of Houston classics with some newer options for people who want to experience the city’s diversity — or, at least, a mostly Inner Loop version of it.

As for where visitors should stay, Sims suggests a trip to the Texas-shaped pool at Marriott Marquis Houston or La Maison in Midtown, a cozy bed and breakfast.

She also lauds La Colombe d’Or, noting that the 100-year-old Montrose manse “exudes luxury, from the glamorously moody hotel bar to the slick rooftop pool.”

Then, it's on to her first two recommendations. She suggests visitors take in artist Yayoi Kusama’s installation inside the Nancy and Rich Kinder Building at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston that opened in 2020. After wandering through the galleries, travelers should head to the classic West Alabama Ice House for beer and tacos from the popular Tacos Tierra Caliente food truck that parks next door. For dinner, travelers should drive or rideshare to Chinatown for Viet-Cajun fare from Crawfish & Noodles.

Saturday morning kicks off with breakfast at Koffeteria, pastry chef Vanarin Kuch’s inventive EaDo bakery and cafe. Visitors can get a sense of the history of Black Houstonians with walking tours at downtown’s Sam Houston Park and through Freedmen’s Town.

Sims acknowledges that “identifying the best Texas barbecue in Houston is a fool’s errand.” Recognizing, however, that many visitors will feel slighted without eating some smoked meat, she sends them to Truth Barbecue on the corner of Heights Boulevard and Washington Avenue for the “mandatory” brisket, “peppery” pork ribs, and brisket boudin sausage. Note to travelers: Truth frequently serves Carolina-style whole hog on Saturdays, too.

A busy Saturday afternoon itinerary includes shopping the vintage stores and boutiques on lower Westheimer followed by a walk through along Buffalo Bayou to Eleanor Tinsley Park. In keeping with the classic foods of Houston aspect of the itinerary, Sims suggests The Original Ninfa’s on Navigation along with some other Tex-Mex options for a proper feast of queso, fajitas, and margaritas. Wrap up the evening with a bar crawl on Main Street in downtown.

Visitors should complete their experience with a Sunday morning visit to Hermann Park followed by brunch (and fantastic people watching) at Lucille’s. Last stop: a casual walk among the oak trees and elegant homes on North and South Boulevards.

Overall, Sims provides readers with a comprehensive list of suggestions for Montrose, the Museum District, and downtown. Still, a few alternatives would make the itinerary a little more contemporary.

Although she notes that EaDo is the “part of Houston has changed the most over the past five years,” her only recommendation in the neighborhood is Koffeteria. Travelers could swap Saturday night’s Main Street bar crawl for EaDo options like Miss Carousel, the Sunset Rooftop Lounge, and breweries such as 8th Wonder and True Anomaly.

Similarly, those who want to dive more deeply into Black Houston could swap out Truth Barbecue and the Montrose shopping jaunt for lunch at Rays Real Pit BBQ Shack, a visit to the University Museum at Texas Southern University, and a stop at Kindred Stories, a nearby bookstore. Hermann Park makes sense for its proximity to Lucille’s, but Memorial Park’s new, 100-acre Land Bridge and Prairie project would be a little more current.

Finally, making a definitive statement about Houston’s best taco truck is just as much of a “fool’s errand” as naming a best barbecue joint. Sims plants her flag for Tacos Tierra Caliente, but those looking for other options should consider Texas Monthly taco editor José Ralat’s “Houston Taco Trail.”

MFAH Courtesy Photo

Visit the Kusama installation at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston.

Photo courtesy of HGTV

Ken Hoffman meets the tattooed, tough HGTV star who demolishes home sellers in advance of his Houston visit

no average joe

Recently, I was in for my semi-annual teeth cleaning (Editor’s note: About time, Ken.) and nitrous oxide session when the dental hygienist leaned me back in the barber’s chair and asked if I’d like to watch the TV mounted on the ceiling.

I asked, “What channel do most people ask for?” She said, “HGTV by far, and that includes men and women.”

Okay, while you’re doing demo in my mouth, let me watch David and Hilary Love It or List It.

That was the first question I asked Joe Mazza, star of Home Inspector Joe, a new hit show on HGTV that follows Mazza conducting full cavity searches on houses for prospective buyers.

Mazza is a fast-talking, wise-cracking, tattooed-up, motorcycle-riding, hip New Yorker who searches high and low for hidden problems in a house. It’s fun entertainment watching him tear apart a house discovering structural flaws and safety issues. I’m sympathy sweating for the homeowner who’s praying, please don’t look in the attic.

Mazza will be the star attraction this weekend at the Houston Home + Garden Show at NRG Center. He will appear on the Fresh Ideas Stage at 6 pm Friday September 16 and 11 am and 2 pm Saturday, September 17. Mazza will offer tips and ideas how to make your house more attractive to potential buyers, plus demonstrate DIY tricks of his trade and conduct a live Q&A with the audience.

The Home + Garden Show runs through Sunday. Tickets are available online.

I caught up with Mazza in advance of his big appearance.

CultureMap: Before HGTV gave you a show and made you a TV star, you inspected homes and worked in construction for 20 years as just regular ol’ Joe Mazza. Did you have any idea how popular HGTV was?

Joe Mazza: It’s massive. It’s wild. Every office you go into, everyone I talk to says “it’s on my TV all the time.” Guys will tell me, “yeah, my wife is always watching it.” I’ll ask them, “and you don’t?” They’ll say, “well, yeah.” I’m super honored to be in the position I’m in now. It’s ridiculous, I can’t even explain it to you.

CM: HGTV must have a zillion shows pitched to them every year. How did Home Inspector Joe get their attention?

JM: They found me through Instagram, through social media. USA Today saw me in 2019 and said, “Hey, Joe, you want to do a video for us about first time home buyers? Whoa, that’s crazy, so I did it. The word got out. HGTV saw me. They contacted me and said there was an opportunity for me to possibly have my own show. Fast forward, here I am. It was all through social media. It was me being me, just doing home inspections. I have fun doing what I love and we go from there.

CM: There are thousands of professional home inspectors around the country. What was it about you that caught HGTV’s interest?

JM: My personality was a massive factor how I got the show. I watch all those videos about home inspection on social media and they’re very educational, but they’re very boring. You have to have fun with what you’re doing, even in bad moments. You can joke about things, say asbestos, but be very serious at the same time. It’s all about engaging your audience.

CM: Do people understand the role a home inspector plays in the home buying process? Who do you work for, the buyer or the seller?

JM: I work for the buyer 99 percent of the time. The real estate agent will refer me to the buyer or the buyer will hear about me through word of mouth. I work for the person who’s paying me and that’s typically the buyer. No one stands in my way, no one tells me how to do my job or what to put in my report.

CM: Are home sellers scared of you?

JM: Now they are, but not every one of them. I was at a house recently and the real estate agent and the seller were there. They saw me and went, “oh, crap.” To me that was flattering.

CM: How thorough is a home inspection?

JM: Certain things we can and can’t do. If a place is inaccessible, we don’t have to go in there. If we can’t get on a roof, we don’t have to struggle to get on the roof. What separates me from others, that roof that I can’t get on, I will find a way to get on it. You have to dig deep.

What keeps me out of trouble is, I make sure I’m on point 100 percent of the time. I inspect every house as if my wife and daughter are moving into it. If you go into an inspection with that mentality, you’re going to kick butt.

CM: How sneaky are homeowners at hiding flaws or potential deal breakers in their house?

JM: Very, very. I love it when they try, because I’m going to catch them. If I go through a basement and it’s freshly painted, that’s a red flag right there. “You just painted the basement. Why?” I start digging deeper, not just inside the basement, but outside to see what’s going on. A lot of problems in the basement start on the outside.

I’ll see if they put boxes or furniture in front of a moldy wall. They’ll say, “where else am I supposed to put the furniture?”

CM: What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve found during a home inspection?

JM: I had an inspection close to my house. I was in the crawl space and as I walking around the floor was crunching. I looked down and the floor was covered with teeth. There were thousands of teeth down there. It was gross and terrifying.

Was I going to find hundreds of bodies in the backyard? It turned out the guy was a tooth manufacturer and threw teeth in there a hundred years ago. No one warned me about that. The grossest thing, besides dead animals, people leave stuff out in the open — inappropriate personal stuff. I just keep working around it.

CM: Ever hired to inspect a house occupied by a hoarder?

JM: I’ve done a couple of houses where they were hoarders with wall-to-wall stuff. Usually I’ll just turn around and walk out. There’s nothing I can do.

I will tell the real estate agent that the house is a fire hazard and you’re putting people in jeopardy. If the house is just dirty, yeah, whatever, that’s fine. I’m okay if they have a lot of junk around. But a hoarder’s house, like on that TV show, that’s disgusting.

I had a house that had 15 cats and like 12 dogs. They didn’t clean anything ever. I walked in and the hit of ammonia slammed me to heaven. I got dizzy and started gagging. I went outside and the owner wanted to know what was wrong. She was scratching her arms. I told her, “for one, your arms are bleeding. Your animals are crapping and peeing all over your house. The house needs to be condemned.”

I told the buyer to get the hell away from this house.

-----

Joe Mazza appears at the Houston Home and Garden Show at 6 pm Friday September 16 and 11 am and 2 pm Saturday September 17 at NRG Park. Show runs through Sunday, September 18. For tickets, full schedule, and more information, visit the official site.

smArtbreaks.org

Cherished Houston arts group and theater company stage fun interactive event for kids

get smart

A beloved arts/dance nonprofit and local theater company are making sure young Houstonians get some screen time — the good kind.

Creative partners Hope Stone and Stages invite families and kids to “smART breaks,” a children’s interactive arts video series of music, theater, and dance classes. The free event takes place on the lawn at The Gordy, the dazzling, $35 million Stages venue (800 Rosine St. ), at 7 pm Saturday, September 10. Those interested can register online.

Here, guests are encouraged to bring blankets and chairs and spread out on the Brown Foundation lawn for screenings and for special guest appearances from Captain Hope and Mr. Zo, the stars of the program. More fun includes lawn games and creafting friendship bracelets. Guests can enjoy food trucks and bug juice mocktails and cocktails (for the big kids in the crowd).

Just in time for back to school, smART breaks features a digital arts library of 37 music, theater, and dance classes, all meant to motivate a child’s engagement and joy and for use by parents at home or by teachers in the classroom.

The program creator, Hope Stone (in partnership with Stages) notes in press materials that blending the arts and mindfulness helps inspire creative thinking and bolster academic success.

Photo by Zach Horst

Nationally acclaimed Montrose fine dining restaurant marches onto cover of Food & Wine magazine

F&W loves March

A national food magazine has shined its light on a prominent Houston restaurant. Food & Wine features March, Goodnight Hospitality's fine dining restaurant, on the cover of its September 2022 issue.

Inside, deputy editor Melanie Hansche authors an article titled How a Menu Is Made that takes a close look at the elegant, tasting menu restaurant. It includes a visit to Goodthyme Farm, which is owned by Goodnight Hospitality partners Bailey and Peter McCarthy, along with interviews with chef-partner Felipe Riccio and master sommelier and partner June Rodil. Readers can also try their hand at recipes with suggested wine pairings.

Hansche gets a preview of the restaurant's new menu that will serve dishes inspired by cuisine from islands such as Corsica, Sardinia, Cyprus, and The Canary Islands. Riccio shares some insight into the research that goes into creating each menu, including a reading list of books he uses for research. Later, Rodil offers her perspective on the intricate service that goes into presenting six and nine-course tasting menus with wine pairings.

"I think about the tasting-menu experience at the restaurant like the season on a runway," Rodil says. "It has to flow and have its entrance, middle, end, and a grand finale."

Hansche also dines at the restaurant, sampling dishes from the Occitania menu that March served this spring and summer. Needless to say, she's delighted by the experience.

"March is a place where food, design, hospitality, and ambiance combine in the most harmonious of ways," she writes. "It excels at subtlety and nuance, at surprise and delight."

Being featured in Food & Wine is only the latest national attention March has received. Last year, Esquire named it America's sixth best new restaurant, and the Robb Report ranked it as the country's second best new restaurant in June. In addition, March earned nominations in five categories of the 2022 CultureMap Tastemaker Awards, including Chef of the Year and Restaurant of the Year.

Houstonians will get a chance to dine on the new menu beginning September 15. It draws from a 2,000-mile area, but does not include Sicily or Greece, which will each receive their own treatments in the future. Rather than blend influences, each dish will offer an interpretation from one specific island.

“This is a huge part of what we are trying to do at March, constantly exploring the Mediterranean and everything it has to offer while encapsulating it to showcase the best parts of each region within it," Riccio says. "With the Islands menu, we get to play with more tropical flavors than we have in past menus. I’m particularly looking forward to working with unique ingredients like myrtle, chestnuts and mastic.”

The sommelier team has added new wines to pair with the menu, and tropical cocktails will draw upon bright, citrus flavors. The latest version of March's signature martini will use Mahón Gin, from Menorca, along with a new version of the bar's vermouth.

Prices are up slightly: the six-course menu now costs $185 and the nine-course costs $245. Wine and premier wine pairings are available at $80 and $160 for the six-course and $95 and $195 for the nine-course.

Balearic Islands: Sepia - Squid Ink, Salsa Juvert, Farro.

Photo by Zach Horst

Balearic Islands: Sepia - Squid Ink, Salsa Juvert, Farro.

Photo courtesy of Lizzo/Atlantic Records

Houston's superstar Lizzo plays runaway bride in dreamy new video starring famous hunk

lizzo loves tyson?

These days, all Houston-born Lizzo needs to do is toot her $55,000 flute and she’ll make national headlines. The Bayou City native, who electrified a jam-packed crowd outside the Today Show studios last month (and made a lovely visit with young fans), has just released a new video starring a famed hunk — and dreamy (sort of literally) love interest.

Lizzo, the pride of Alief and the University of Houston, has released the brand-new video for “2 Be Loved (Am I Ready),” which calls bac to the vid of her seven-time Platinum 2017 single “Truth Hurts.” Here, Lizzo is retreating from a wedding — in wedding gown and all — dropping the line, “I’m good with my friends / I don’t want a man.”

Our runaway bride hops in her ride, which (shock) breaks down on the highway. To her rescue comes ridiculously chiseled and agelessTyson Beckford (he’s seriously 51) on a motorcycle.

Er, maybe Lizzo does want this man? Sadly, Beckford disappears when she goes to kiss him (relatable), sending our heroine back to her friends. But who knows, maybe the pair will meet again on some future highway/video/dream.

As fans are aware, Lizzo has been red hot this year; she has been nominated for four MTV Video Music Awards and is a just-announced performer on the August 28 awards show — with this new single as her tune. Aside from the Today appearance, she’s been on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, starred and performed on Saturday Night Live, the 2022 BET Awards, and more.

In support of her new album Special, our songstress/superstar/flutist is enjoying the buzz of her Billboard Hot 100 No. 1 worldwide smash “About Damn Time,” which actually marks her second No. 1 and fourth top-10 hit.

She even dealt with controversy, but with aplomb. When fans cried foul about a disparaging lyric — deemed an ableist slur — on her Special single “Grrrls,” the native Houstonian quickly addressed the slight, nixing the word and thanking all for the learning moment.

Fans here can celebrate her when she comes home on October 26 as part of a nationwide “Special” tour.

This isn’t the only national headline for a Houston-born female superstar. As Houston Chronicle music critic Joey Guerra notes, Houston native Megan Thee Stallion, who recently co-hosted the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, introduced the upbeat host to Hot Cheetos inside pickles — a consummately Houston dish.

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Top things to do in Houston this weekend: Big Beyoncé takeover, a cool pool party, and more

WEEKEND EVENT PLANNER

This weekend, the biggest female pop icon in the world comes home for her wildly popular Renaissance World Tour stops at NRG Stadium. To honor local girl — and now queen — Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, locals have been shopping for that perfect fit to slay like Bey (check out our guide here) and hitting special Beyoncé-themed events (see more here).

While this weekend is rightfully dominated with all things Queen Bey, plenty of other fun activities await. Cooler temps mean more outdoor fun at the Houston Arboretum, East River, and the Dew Berry Farm Festival. Some hilarious comedians hit town, and the insider-y El Segundo Swim Club makes a splash as we say farewell to summer.

Dive into a chill weekend at El Segundo Swim Club.Photo courtesy of El Segundo Swim Club

Enjoy; here are your best bets for this Beyoncé homecoming weekend.

Thursday, September 21

Houston Arboretum presents Sip & Stroll

The start of fall will be celebrated with the Houston Arboretum’s Sip & Stroll outdoor event. Participants will enjoy a quiet evening out on the arboretum trails. The sunset walk will include two glasses of wine or Saint Arnold beer, cheese and charcuterie offerings from GRAZE HTX, and a specialty wine glass to take home. New to this year’s event, participants will enjoy an additional wine tasting featuring a variety of wines from The Cause Urban Winery, founded by Jennifer Rossi. 5:30 pm.

Nerdy Night Market at Neil’s Bahr

Nerdy Night Market will be back outdoors in the Neil's Bahr Cantina lot, giving you more space, more vendors, and the perfect opportunity to hang out, enjoy drinks al fresco, and connect with your favorite nerdy enthusiasts. Join them for an evening of geeky treasures, great company, and the coolest finds you won't want to miss. From collectibles to unique creations, there’s something for every geek and pop-culture enthusiast to explore. Must be 21 or older to attend. 6 pm.

6 Degrees presents POP DEMO

6 Degrees premieres Toni Leago Valle’s dance/theatre experience, a blend of political commentary, offbeat theatre, aerial, contemporary dance, and visual projections, set in a stylistic Pop Art décor. The performance provides a historical perspective through cartoons of how the ideas of popular democracy, extremism, and propaganda have shaped and warped American political and cultural beliefs, ultimately attempting to overthrow democracy. 7:30 pm (2 and 7 pm Saturday).

Friday, September 22

Houston Art Gallery Association Fall Celebration

As visitors wander through the Houston Art Gallery Association member galleries on Friday and Saturday, they will embark on an enlightening journey where each gallery offers a unique experience. From contemporary masterpieces that challenge traditional notions of beauty to thought-provoking installations pushing boundaries, HAGA encapsulates the vibrant diversity of artistry in Houston. Galleries include Anya Tish Gallery, Foltz Fine Art, Foto Relevance, Heidi Vaughan Fine Art, Koelsch Gallery, Thornwood Gallery and many others. Noon.

East River presents Live Music Weekends

East River 9 will be kicking off Live Music Weekends, which will happen every Friday and Saturday night through December. All ages are invited to experience free, live musical performances while taking in unmatched views of Buffalo Bayou and the city skyline on the expansive, open-air terrace. The fall artist lineup is sure to make a splash with a wide variety of local and regional musicians. Kicking things off will be Lucas Jagneaux on Friday and the Sheila Marshall Duo on Saturday. 7 pm.

Alley Theatre presents American Mariachi

Family, love, and tradition are at the core of this heartwarming play about the freedom to dream big. It’s the 1970s and girls can’t be mariachis … or can they? Will Lucha and her spunky cousin hunt for bandmates, dodge disapproving relatives, and bring Mom along for the ride? This play is infused with vibrant, infectious, live mariachi music and reminds us how music and love can make the impossible come true. Through Sunday, October 22. 8 pm (2:30 and 8 pm Saturday; 2:30 and 7:30 pm Sunday).

Ilana Glazer Live!

Ilana Glazer is mostly known as the co-star/co-creator of the Comedy Central show Broad City. But along with movies and TV, she’s also out here doing her stand-up thing. Her debut stand-up comedy special, The Planet Is Burning, is on Amazon Prime. She is also the co-founder of the non-profit Generator Collective, which defines minimal civic engagement and aims to humanize policy through people-powered stories on social media. 8 pm.

Saturday, September 23

Dewberry Farm Fall Festival

Every Saturday and Sunday, Dewberry Farm's Fall Festival will feature fun, pumpkins, food, and over 40 rides and attractions. Visitors can explore the pumpkin patch, paint pumpkins, follow a trail of glowing jack-o-lanterns inside "Pumpkin Hollar!," take photos by the life-sized pumpkin house, spin out on the new Jumping' Jacks ride, meet barnyard animals, and get lost in the 8-acre, Houston Astros-themed corn maze. Through Sunday, November 12. 10 am.

End of Summer Weekend at El Segundo Swim Club

El Segundo Swim Club is a total IYKYK, where locals and hip Houstonians gather for pool parties that are less about raging and IG stories and more about low-key vibes. For the last weekend of the season, the club is offering day passes for $20. Sip on $4 beers, at-cost champagne, and a bunch of great cocktail specials. DJ/podcaster Jason Stewart (who also goes by @themjeans on Instagram – we just thought that was funny) will be keeping everything cool and groovy with his DJ set on Sunday. 11 am (Noon Sunday).

Still Here at East End Backyard

Swishahouse, The Waxx Club, and others are coming together to throw a bash that celebrates 50 years of hip-hop and family. There will be a hip-hop stage where MCs and DJs (along with graffiti artists, who’ll get together for a graff session) will do their thing. But there will also be a synthesized area, where such DJs as DJ Comp 1, Steve Swift, and Joe B will be spinning everything from hip-hop to funk to reggae to soul all through the night. 6 pm.

Houston Museum of African American Culture presents The Art of Making It

This 2022 documentary explores the art-world ecosystem through the prism of young artists at pivotal moments in their careers, revealing the secret sauce that thrusts some into the stratosphere and leaves others struggling to survive. Why does it matter who we anoint to tell the stories of our time? Including the voices of luminaries and disruptors, the film leaves one to question whether the new world order will make art more accessible for all. The screening will be followed by a conversation with producer Debi Wisch. 7:30 pm.

Sunday, September 24

Brews & Browse End of Summer Market

This weekend, Urban South HTX will say goodbye to this hot-as-heck season with an end-of-summer market. Bring the entire family out for a fun filled day of surprises including a bounce house, face painting, raffle prizes, market vendors, food, treats, and more. GastroCraft will be there at noon, serving some delicious gastro pub fare. This family, dog-friendly event is free to the public. 1 pm.

Avant-Art Gallery Soft Opening

Aspen-based painter and gallerist Christopher Martin’s eponymous Upper Kirby gallery is changing names and ownership. The high-profile Houston Gallery Row business is being reborn under former Christopher Martin Gallery directors Ally Ondarza and Abigail Henningsen. The gallery will host its soft opening to debut “Emerging Perspectives.” The exhibit will feature artwork from their entire portfolio of artists to share their community vision. Through Saturday, October 14. 2 pm.

Bert Kreischer: Tops Off World Tour

After starring in his very own movie The Machine (where Mark Hamill played his dad!), comedian, actor, podcaster, and author Bert Kreischer is back to take off his shirt and do some good ol’ stand-up. He also has his fifth stand-up special, Razzle Dazzle, on Netflix. Shameless and shirtless as ever, Kreischer spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids, and the explosive end to his family's escape room outing. We’re sure he’ll hit you with more tales of family hell when he hits the Toyota Center stage. 7 pm.

Countdown to Beyoncé: Party, dance, shine – and stretch — at these Houston events honoring Queen Bey

bey there, do that

Houston is just days away from Beyoncé’s big Renaissance tour homecoming this weekend. The lights don’t go down at NRG Stadium until Saturday, September 23, but as Bey’s song says, we like to party. That means plenty of events and food and drink specials to toast the Queen.

Locals in the Beyhive who are still searching for those perfect Bey-inspired looks can show them off at these fun happenings, which include silent disco jams, a huge downtown party, Bey-themed yoga, and a special exhibit of Beyoncé’s most legendary photo.

Break out those flawless silver threads and get ready to slay at these Beyoncé events in Houston.

Thursday, September 21

Color Factory will immerse fans with a Beyoncé playlist running inside its silent disco all weekend long. The immersive art experience has teamed up with Houston legend DJ Rob G to elevate the fan-favorite disco to a party fit for the Queen and her BeyHive. 10 am.

Post Oak Hotelis “Calling All the Single Ladies” to exclusive helipad yoga classes. Attendees are encouraged to come dressed slaying in silver. Tickets are $200 per person and includes access to the pool after class. 5 and 6:45 pm.

02 Loungewill host a video and live music tribute to Beyoncé, presented by The Vibe Curator Keto Gentry The Consultant. It’s also known as a Touch of Silver Ladies Freakum Dress Theme Party. 8 pm.

Friday, September 22

The Warwickserves up two exclusive, Beyoncé-themed cocktails. Sip on a blackberry tequila lemondrop known as Alien Superstar. Later, order up a smooth sidecar riff they call the Pure/Honey Lemonade. 11 am.

Blossom Hotel raises a glass to Beyoncé's H-Town stop with a specially crafted, themed cocktail menu, including the Crazy in Love and the Break My Soul. Bonus points: The Blossom Hotel is less than 10 minutes away from where Blue Ivy’s mom will take center stage. 4 pm.

Nosie Yogiis making a strong pull by bringing back Bey-Asana, the original Beyoncé inspired yoga class. For one night only, participants can stretch in an all-level, non-heated flow session set to Queen Bey’s music. Registration is $20. 6:30 pm.

Saturday, September 23

Tootsies and Nicole Longnecker Gallery will celebrate both Beyoncé and celebrity photographer Markus Klinko. The artist will be in attendance, along with many of his larger-than-life photographs of A-list celebs like David Bowie, Lady GaGa, and Beyoncé, including the iconic cover photo of her debut album Dangerously in Love. Fans can also look forward to a close-up view of Klinko’s Diamond Dust images of Queen Bey in her unforgettable, diamond-studded spiderweb top and jeans — which she says are her favorite. 1 pm.

Radio Milano at The Moran CITYCENTRE presents a Queen Bey Kick Off, offering specialty cocktails inspired by Beyoncé’s greatest hits. Dance and sing along while sipping on such Beyoncé-inspired libations as the Cuff It and the Heated. 4 pm.

The Plaza at Avenida Houston invites the city to Hou Run the World: Beyoncé’s Homecoming Party on the Plaza. This welcome-home bash will feature live music, fireworks, and outdoor fun. Be sure to stick around for the special drone show: More than 400 drones will light up the evening sky, creating Beyoncé-related themes to dazzle viewers. Event runs at The Plaza at Avenida Houston (between the George R. Brown Convention Center and Discovery Green Park). 6:30 pm-8:45 pm

Sunday, September 24

Bar Boheme treats Bey-loving — and brunch-loving — fans to a special, Renaissance-edition drag brunch. Enjoy delicious brunch fare, live music from DJ Athenz, and a Beyoncé-themed drag show where performers pull out all the stops to Beyoncé hits. Registration is required. 11 am.

Da Hookah Plug Lounge makes a splash with a Beyoncé & Brunch Paint & Sip Special. They’ve got the music to karaoke to, food, hookahs, and more. Guests who wish to paint must RSVP under one of the painting tickets. 12:30 pm.

Bar Louieshakes things up with a perfectly pink diva martini for Beyoncé weekend. Enjoy an array of happy hour specials, including $6 premium liquors, $7 signature martinis, $7 select house cocktails, $6 wine by the glass, 50 percent off select bar bites and more. 4 pm.

Next week: Thursday, September 28

Rooftop Cinema Club goes open air with A Queen Bey Rooftop Party. The night starts at 7 pm, where a DJ will spin tunes as tunes during a pre-game cocktail hour. Then comes a special screening of the 2001 cult classic Carmen: A Hip Hopera — starring a young Beyoncé, natch — and directed by Robert Townsend.

After the film, head to the lounge area for a silent disco/dueling DJ battle featuring electrifying Beyoncé-inspired sets. Choose the channel through the wireless headphones and move to the left, to the left all night. Live DJ set and games run 7 pm-8 pm; movie runs 8 pm-9:30 pm; dueling DJ sets and silent disco run 9:30 pm-11:30 pm.

Houston pizza maestro retools his wildly successful new Heights restaurant after overwhelming response

that's a lot of pizza

Pizza-loving Houstonians have accomplished something that once seemed impossible. They’ve left chef Anthony Calleo speechless — sort of.

The first week of service at Gold Tooth Tony’s, Calleo’s new Detroit-style pizzeria in the Heights, has so vastly exceeded his expectations that he’s had to rethink his plans for operating the restaurant. Even with limited hours of 4-10 pm, it’s been selling out of pizza. As a reminder, Calleo has sold Houstonians a lot of pizza between the Pi Pizza food truck, the Pi Pizza restaurant, and in his current role as executive chef and co-owner of Montrose favorite Rudyard’s.

“I’ve done this before. I’ve sold a bunch of pizza. We know how to do that. The fact that we’re running out of food, we didn't really expect,” Calleo tells CultureMap. “What we thought we’d do in a 14-hour day after a couple months of practice is what we’re doing in a three-and-a-half hour day.”

He adds that on Sunday Gold Tooth Tony’s sold more pizza in a single hour than in any hour he can remember from the Pi days. That’s a lot of pizza for a restaurant that occupies a 1,000-square-foot former doughnut shop.

Having survived a hectic weekend, Calleo closed on Monday and Tuesday to give its cooks a well-deserved break. The restaurant reopened for dinner today (Wednesday, September 20) with dough that he and chef Adam Bitner made for the restaurant.

In the meantime, he’s ordered more pizza pans and is looking into adding a larger walk-in cooler to deal with the unexpected demand. Whatever he decides, it will be done with his staff in mind.

“I’m not going to grind those dudes into dust. They deserve a break. They busted their ass for us at a brand new job,” he says. “They did great, period.”

Part of meeting the demand for pizza means temporarily slimming down the menu by cutting dishes such as queso and mac and cheese. Although Calleo had planned to roll out lunch as soon as this week, the restaurant will remain dinner only for now.

“I didn’t get into this business to tell people no, but it’s mathematics and physics. If I could argue with those, I wouldn’t be a chef — I’d be a super villain,” he says.

Meanwhile, the search has already begun for a second location. Calleo aims to strike while the iron is hot — and Houstonians are eating him out of pizza.

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