Hear me out
Play the newest drinking game: What stupid thing will Rick Perry say today?
The Rick Perry for President yacht is sailing under its own power now, and I, for one, am surprised at the total multimedia entertainment package I get from it. In fact, I think there's a great drinking game to be created here.
I appreciate a politician who says what he thinks, is honest about what he will do once in office and clearly outlines a plan. With Perry, what surprises me, is how funny crazy can be.
Does Rick Perry really believe this stuff he's saying? Everyday—seriously—every day, a brand new, completely idiotic utterance leaves his lips as though there is not any editing happening between his thinking something and then saying it.
Of course this is not all that new for those of us who have followed Perry throughout his political life. But this past few days added an entertaining exclamation point to what we Texans already knew.
Let's take a look at Rick Perry's world in this his first week as presidential candidate as I outline my "Rick Perry for President Drinking Game:"
August 18: Perry believes Texas schools are teaching creationism.
They are not. In fact it would be unconstitutional for them to do so. But there's Rick Perry, conservative candidate, telling some kid on the campaign trail (well, actually it's a kid being led on by a mean-spirited opponent of Perry's) that evolution "is one theory that's out there."
Whoa. A theory? Seriously? That's hilarious. One hundred years of good science thrown out as "a theory." For transparency, I am Christian, grew up in a parochial school and I believe in the Bible. I also believe in evolution. I believe God gave us enough brains to figure out deep scientific issues for ourselves. Otherwise, why didn't He just make us stupid (just some of us I suppose)?
Further, I figure God thought it wise to give Moses a metaphor for creation as he wrote Genesis. God might have decided that explaining DNA, black holes and dark matter might be more than the ancient Israelites needed to know as they wandered around in the desert 5,000 years ago. Just a theory of mine.
Drinking game rule: Every time Perry uses a variation of "pray" or "educate," we take a shot.
August 17: Rick Perry says global warming is not affected by man-made causes.
Really? No effect at all? That's hilarious. Perry says scientists are refuting the theory everyday. Really? Every day? Yes, there are some, very few actually, mostly disrespected scientists who speak on behalf of big energy companies who say the human affect is negligible, but they admit there is some human affect. The vast majority of scientists, and we're talking around the 95% figure here, say it's ridiculous to suggest that we 7 billion humans, with our cars, and electricity, and need to eat, don't have some effect on global climate change.
Drinking game rule: If you can name a scientist who disagrees with global warming, you get to pass a shot to the person on your right.
August 17: Rick Perry says he would not have signed the debt ceiling compromise bill. "We got to quit spending money," he said.
Really? The U.S. government has got to quit spending money? I appreciate a candidate needing to simplify the message, but the government exists to collect and spend our tax money to keep public order, protect us, and maintain our rights as free citizens. For about 235 years it's a deal that's worked out pretty well. I understand where he's going with that one-liner of course, I just expect something a little more, well, presidential from a candidate.
Drinking game rule: Can you count as fast as the U.S. debt is rising? If not, take a shot.
August 16: Rick Perry accuses the Federal reserve of treason for printing money.
Treason? Really? I mean seriously. Disagree with the program if you want, offer another idea, please. But accuse them of treason? For which the penalty is death? Call me crazy (no, call him that, please), but if you are running for president, maybe you should be careful about throwing the "T" word around, particularly in a time of war and terrorism.
I know I will get ugly email about this one from every conspiracy theorist who reads the column. Here's all you need to know if you are even half-sane. I am a fiscal conservative because I care about how the government spends my money, and frankly, I think most of us agree the government could be wiser and smarter about that as they solve the debt crisis, the housing crisis, the whatever-is-also-currently a crisis. But let's debate the issue, not accuse people of treason. Want more evidence that this is crazy talk? Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck agree with Perry.
Drinking game rule: Name a real traitor—pass a shot to the person on your left.
I am not a hater and I am not a Democrat; I'm not any political party, really. I vote across party lines.
I am an advocate for honest, authentic, courageous, service-oriented politicians.
I am against lying, manipulative, pandering politicians who divide and polarize.
Which one is Rick Perry going to be?