Hoffman's Houston
don't do it

Ken Hoffman begs Houston women not to audition for The Bachelor

Ken Hoffman begs Houston women not to audition for The Bachelor

Houston, The Bachelor season 20, December 2015, the cast
Hoffman strongly urges local women to reconsider casting themselves in this show.  Courtesy of ABC.com

I’ve never asked much of woman. Mostly because I already know the answer. But now, I’m pleading with all the women of Houston for a favor.

ABC’s The Bachelor is holding an open casting call for Houston women, from 5 to 9 pm on Friday, July 20 at the downtown Aquarium.

Don’t do it.  Have you seen this show? It sets male-female relationships back 100 years. Fred and Wilma Flintstone had a more equal partnership than men and women on The Bachelor.

Ladies, if you want to humiliate yourself and have millions of people watch you melt into a tearful puddle when a worthless, shallow guy rejects you, then fine, audition for The Bachelor. I’ve watched this show. Two times. Once, against my will. I cringed. These people have no pride, no dignity, not a shred of self-respect.

And don’t get me wrong, nobody respects shallowness and insecurity more than I do. I’ve sort of made a career of it.

Hookers on Bissonnet don’t throw themselves at men like contestants on The Bachelor do. Ladies, you will have better luck finding the right guy practically anywhere else, like at work, at a bar, online … in a police lineup.

News flash: Don't cuss out your boss
Journalism note: Jerome Solomon is my favorite Houston Chronicle sports columnist, but I have to disagree with something he wrote last week.

Commenting on Astros reliever Ken Giles getting sent down to the minors the day after he appeared to say “F-you, man” to manager A.J. Hinch — on the field, in front of fans in the ballpark, hundreds of thousands of people watching on TV, and millions clicking on Youtube — Solomon said Giles’ profanity-laced tirade wasn’t the reason he was demoted.

Solomon wrote: “If you have never been good enough at something to curse your boss and not get fired, too bad for you.”

I believe Giles’ outburst was 100 percent the reason he was banished to Fresno. You can’t show up your boss in public and survive, certainly not these days. I’m pretty sure Giles will never be back with the Astros. The World Series champs have a “No Jerks” policy.

Tell you what, Jerome. I used to work at your current employer. I quadruple-dog-dare you to walk into Chronicle editor Nancy Barnes’ office and tell her, “F-you, m’am.” Better yet, do it during a staff meeting, with Hearst corporate executives in town, with the meeting on conference call with other Hearst newspapers. And have somebody video it and post it on Youtube.

You’ll be sitting in HR within 30 seconds.

Barnes is no-nonsense. The Chronicle is firing on all cylinders since she took over. But her nickname among employees isn’t “Chuckles.” I once rode the Chronicle elevator with her and I still have night sweats.

I have never said “F-you” to a boss. At least not to their face. I do it behind their backs, which is proper etiquette in the work place. Why, only last week …

Jerome, you’re certainly “good enough,” as you wrote. In fact, you’re the best sports columnist at the Chronicle since Richard Justice. But these are tough times in the exciting, fast-paced world of journalism. There’s a lot of quicksand in newspaper offices. I wouldn’t suggest that you, or anybody, at any job, curse your boss.

Unless you want to get fired.