I'm gonna come clean, LeBron. I probably won't be tuning into your one-hour ESPN special, "The Decision." I'm not really sure how you can drag "The Decision" out for an hour, unless you're opting for a ESPN College Gameday-esque concept in which you dress up as The Chosen Team's mascot at the end, and I think it's silly enough when they do it.

But I still love ya, even if your ego is getting big enough to need its own Twitter account. (I can't really blame you — you did get the cover of Sports Illustrated in high school).

So I've decided to do my hometown a favor, because it looks like Joel Osteen's not up for the job. Here are five persuasive reasons why I know you'd just love Houston. (Surely, they'll be enough to make you shock the basketball world and pick the Rockets over the Heat, Knicks, Bulls or Cavs.)

- We're betting you've never found a pair of boots that fit. We can fix you up some real nice custom cowboy boots at Dave Wheeler's Willowbend shop.

- Yao Ming will be a free agent next season; save on custom building costs and move into his old pad. It's tall-man friendly.

- No state income tax. (Rockets general manager Daryl Morey's favorite line).

- Texas' LBJ is so 50 years ago. It's about time we had a new man for the monogram.

- You'll eat well. This is Texas, after all. We do portions big.