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    Ken Hoffman Live

    It's about time: Ringling Bros. circus is gone for good and Ken Hoffman is celebrating

    Ken Hoffman
    May 22, 2017 | 6:00 am
    Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus
    How interesting are elephants, anyway? It’s pitiful watching big, clumsy dumbos with tiny brains, struggling to stand on two feet. I have friends … Saturday night … same thing.
    Courtesy photo

    Hounded by animal right protestors and declining ticket sales, the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus pulled up stakes for the last time Sunday night in Uniondale, New York. It’s over, done. The circus won’t play Houston or other Texas cities this summer like always before.

    The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus started in 1919 when the two entities merged, but the original Ringling show dates back 146 years. It’s time the circus died. It was overdue decades ago.

    You’ll notice that Cirque du Soleil (“Circus of the Sun”) isn’t quitting. They’re killing it. It’s the largest live performance company in the world today. There are seven different Cirque shows playing Las Vegas on a permanent basis. It plays Sam Houston Race Park every year now.

    The main different between Cirque and the Ringling Bros. circus? Cirque uses human performers, who are athletic and exciting, and Michael Jackson and Beatles music. Ringling used bears on roller skates and lion tamers with whips and stools. The crack of the lion tamer’s whip – so obscene.

    I’m not certain if Cirque chains its employees to a wall so they won’t escape at night, but the Ringling Bros. circus sure did. I saw elephants chained in the Compaq Center underground parking lot. So sad.

    Ringling Bros. can moan and swear it treated its elephants humanely, but when I saw the circus, I saw animal abuse. It had to go. If Ringling Bros. wants to think that removing elephants killed ticket sales, which doomed the circus, then the good guys won. Enjoy your retirement, elephants.

    Circus lions really have no “talent.” They just stand there, motionless, with their flowing manes, mouths open in a seemingly natural way, looking pretty – like traffic reporters on the TV morning news. (If you think I’m not going to pay for that crack, you’re wrong.)

    How interesting are elephants, anyway? It’s pitiful watching big, clumsy dumbos with tiny brains, struggling to stand on two feet. I have friends … Saturday night … same thing.

    Most circus animals appear to be disinterested performers, just going through the motions, wishing they could be anywhere else. You know, like James Harden in Game 6 of NBA Western Conference playoffs.

    There will be sentimentals who can’t imagine an America without the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus. They’ll get past it.

    Not so great

    It wasn’t the “Greatest Show on Earth,” that was just a slogan. And Milli Vanilli wasn’t the actual best new artists of 1990. That was just a Grammy, which they had to give back. Vaudeville and burlesque used to be popular forms of entertainment. They’re gone. There used to be minstrel shows and freak shows and variety shows on television. Friday nights used to mean fried clam strips at Howard Johnson’s. The Richmond strip was the place on Saturday nights. They’re all gone. We’re fine.

    KLOL-FM, Houston’s hardest-rocking radio station, switched its format to Spanish pop Mega 101 in 2004. A friend said, “They can’t do that! That’s my radio station!

    Really? When was the last time you listened to your radio station?

    “About 10 years ago.”

    When was the last time you went to the circus and thought, “I’ve never seen a woman hang from the ceiling by her hair, and $25 for a snow cone in souvenir cup is a very reasonable price. And I’m glad I paid extra for seats down front because elephant urine smells disgusting!”

    Last time I went, the stars of the Ringling Bros. circus were “Bo and Bello.” Bo was an elephant. Bello was a comedian who pedaled a miniature bicycle on a high wire. You know your career isn’t going well when you’re second fiddle to an elephant. Also on the bill: eight daredevils who rode mini-cycles in the “Globe of Death.” There were no fatalities that night. Or ever. Maybe the “death” part was exaggerated.

    I will admit, I liked when they shot a guy out of cannon, liked Puffed Rice cereal. I’d be willing to try that.

    Clowns aren’t funny. You think 20 clowns crammed in a small car is the height of comedy? Just hang around a Jack in the Box drive-through at 3 a.m.

    A lot of people find clowns scary. There’s even a word for it: coulrophobia.

    Let's hear it for Les

    The Ringling Bros. circus has an interesting history in Houston. In 1967, Irvin Feld and Houston’s Judge Roy Hofheinz, the vision behind the Astrodome, bought and operated the circus worldwide. They sold it to the Mattel toy company in 1971.

    When the Houston Rockets moved into their own digs at Toyota Center in 2003, team owner Les Alexander said “no” to the circus. Nope, you’re not playing my arena. Take your cruelty somewhere else. And when he said no to Ringling Bros., Toyota Center lost other shows connected with the circus’ parent company, like Disney on Ice, Disney Live!, Marvel Universe Live!, Nuclear Cowboyz, Monster Jam and Monster Energy AMA Supercross. That’s 50 performances a year.

    Since 2003, the circus had to play the end zone at NRG Stadium, with most of the seats curtained off. It looked silly and out of place. Toyota Center was the only NBA arena that banned the circus. That took guts and conviction. Maybe Alexander remembered those elephants chained by their ankles at Compaq Center, the Rockets’ former home. Maybe he just has his head screwed on right. It’s not a PETA thing, it’s a human kindness thing.

    Instead of crying over spilt revenue, Alexander donated millions of his own money to animal rights and rescue groups. That, and the time he stormed on the court to yell at a referee, is why we have the best NBA owner with heart.

    ---------------

    Ken Hoffman can be reached at ken@culturemap.com or on Twitter: @KenCultureMap. To. To have all CultureMap stories, including Ken's columns, delivered to your inbox in one Daily Digest every morning, sign up here.

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    game, set, zina.

    Best of Ken Hoffman: Interviewing Houston's greatest tennis icon

    Ken Hoffman
    Aug 29, 2024 | 12:30 pm
    Zina Garrison, tennis player
    ITATennis
    Garrison, a tennis legend, is now the tennis director of Houston Parks and Recreation.

    Editor's note: After the sudden death of beloved columnist Ken Hoffman on July 14, CultureMap is republishing some of our favorite "Hoffman's Houston" columns. In honor of the U.S. Open, here's Ken's interview with Houston tennis legend Zina Garrison; it was originally published on June 27, 2022.

    As a child, Zina Garrison learned how to hit a tennis ball on the public courts at MacGregor Park during the 1970s and became, simply, the most accomplished player ever from Houston.

    She developed into a Grand Slam champion, a Top 5 ranking in the world, Wimbledon finalist in 1990 with 20 tournament titles, Federation Cup captain, and Olympic gold medal winner and later Olympic coach.

    Now Garrison is back where she started, only this time she’s devoted to making Houston a great place to learn and play tennis … again. Like she did.

    “I am now the tennis director of Houston Parks and Recreation,” Garrison tells me. “I’m over all the public tennis programs and facilities. The job came open recently and I applied for it.”

    Wait... she’s the greatest champion this city has ever produced — and she had to apply for that job?

    “To be honest, I was more interested in the benefits than the money. As you get older, you start thinking differently,” she shares.

    Unlike the major sports leagues in America, tennis doesn’t provide any healthcare insurance or assistance once a player, even a legend, retires.

    “They’re working on it,” Garrison, 58, notes. “But as of now, nothing.”

    Garrison said her first priority as Houston’s tennis director is to repair the public courts.

    “I want to bring the public tennis facilities up to where I’d be proud, where everybody would be proud, to bring people to use our courts. There are cracks in the courts. Nothing’s really been done in the last 20 or maybe 30 years,” she says.

    “I’ve traveled to Florida and some other places and they have really nice public courts. Tennis in Houston was really thriving for a while and we had nice courts and people could play in the parks. We had junior programs. We flourished. That’s my main goal.”

    While I had Garrison on the phone, I served up some questions:

    CultureMap: Wimbledon is on. You’re familiar with that tournament, right? Who are your picks to win the men’s side and women’s side?

    Zina Garrison: Yes, I’m familiar with Wimbledon. I have my alarm set for the early morning so I can watch. I have a weird pick, a more personal pick, for the men.

    I would love to see Rafael Nadal keep going on, but it’s going to be tough for him. The guy from Italy, Matteo Berrettini, I watched him play a couple of weeks ago and I think he’s going to surprise a lot of people. And I am absolutely in love with that little guy, Carlos Alcaraz, from Spain. He’s made me watch tennis again.

    On the women’s side, I don’t think it will be Iga Swiatek. I think it’s just too hard to keep a streak like hers (35 matches in a row including the French Open title) going in today’s game. It’s really wide open. I don’t really have a pick, it’s just who comes in and plays well at the right time.

    CM: What do you think about Natela Dzalamidze, the doubles player from Russian who switched her nationality to Georgia so she could play Wimbledon, which has banned players from Russian and Belarus this year?

    ZG: I don’t like that she was able to do that. I was just on the phone with (former pro turned broadcaster) Chanda Rubin talking about what’s going on in tennis these days.

    First of all, there is the human rights stuff that’s going on in Russia and Ukraine. We have to start forcing accountability for actions. A lot of people didn’t agree with what Wimbledon did, but I think they had to take a stand.

    CM: The women’s GOAT is easy — it’s Serena. But who do you think is the men’s GOAT?

    ZG: Wow, that’s a hard one. If you had asked me earlier this year, I would have said Roger Federer because of everything he’s accomplished. But right now I’m going to have to go with Nadal. Nadal has taken tennis to a whole ‘nother level, of getting people to watch, coming out of the pandemic, where he has matches and you think he can’t come back and he’s still grinding no matter what.

    For me, he is the epitome of what we need in this world right now: Never give up but not be selfish about helping others. I know it sounds clichéd, but that’s what I’m going through right now.

    CM: When I first met you, you were painfully shy. It was hard to get an answer out of you. Now you’re a TV commentator and a regular chatterbox. What happened?

    ZG: I was an introvert but I had always been intrigued by people of wisdom. A lot of it came as I developed confidence in myself. I had always been told at a very young age, if you really knew me, I spoke a lot. If you didn’t know me, I would be quiet. I would only speak about things that I was extremely passionate about.

    As I’ve gotten older, because of my experiences. I feel like I can help people so I’m not afraid to say what I want to say.

    CM: Starting the week after Wimbledon, coaches will be allowed to communicate with men players during matches. Up to now, that’s only been allowed in the women’s game. Every other sport allows coaching. Do you think tennis should allow coaching, too?

    ZG: I don’t think coaching should be allowed. That’s one of the great things about tennis. That’s a part of the sport, that you grow and figure things out. You learn to think for yourself.

    There’s always been little signals from coaches, but now you have these full blown conversations. Another bad thing about allowing coaching is it gives the players the opportunity to blame a loss their coach. That’s not good for the sport.

    CM: You were known for wiggling your butt when receiving serve. Did you know you were doing it? Did you do that on purpose?

    ZG: It started off as kind of a joke with my coaches. They said, we need you to move your feet. I said, you mean like this?

    So, it started as a joke but I realized that it helped get my feet moving: Okay, I’m going to keep doing this.

    I’ll never forget that year after I got to the Wimbledon finals, 1990, I went over to Japan and there were 1,200 people there … and all of them started wiggling!

    CM: What was the first extravagant thing you bought for yourself when the tennis prize money started rolling in?

    ZG: It was 1982, and I bought a candy apple red Volkswagen convertible with a white top.

    CM: You were on the Biggest Loser, the show where contestants compete against each other to lose weight. Let’s just say you didn’t win. Are you happy you went on that show, or do you regret it?

    ZG: I was one of the first who had to leave the competition. (No, you were THE first.) It was an experience, but I probably shouldn’t have done it. I think I regret going on there. It wasn’t what I thought it was.

    It was reality TV and at the time I didn’t know what reality TV was .I was more ready to get out of there than anything else.

    CM: Now here’s the big question, Zina. For years, I’ve had a running disagreement with ESPN 97.5 FM morning host John Granato about which is a more demanding, tougher sport – golf or tennis?

    Granato says it’s golf, because the tournament winner has to beat every other player that week, while in tennis the winner just has to beat seven players at most. And, each week, golfers have to contend with a different course.

    But, I say it’s tennis because players have to be in top physical condition, while nearly anyone in any shape can win a golf major.

    Plus, in golf, players have a caddy helping them make decisions. In tennis, players are on their own.

    In golf, you can have a bad day on Thursday and still win the tournament. In tennis, if you have a bad day in the opening round, you’re on a plane out of there.

    In golf, it’s the player against the course. There’s no defense in golf. In tennis, there’s a human opponent trying to beat you.

    In golf, the ball is lying still. In tennis the ball is coming at you at 140 mph.

    So which is the tougher sport, golf or tennis? I’m right ... right?

    ZG: Are you serious? Who is this guy who says golf is harder? The answer is tennis and it’s not even close.

    You’re playing against someone. You’re only controlling the ball when it’s on your side of the net. You can’t control what the other player is doing. It’s almost like a boxer coming at you.

    You have to have both the physical and mental capacity to win. In golf, if you have a bad day, it’s because you’re having that bad day. There’s no opponent competing with you. So, I’m saying it’s tennis.

    CM (note to John Granato): I win. Granted, it might have been the way I asked the question. Also, Garrison is a former tennis pro.

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