you can't return this serve

Ken Hoffman serves up a wicked quiz for diehard Houston tennis fans

Houston, Ken Hoffman, Serena Williams, July 2017

Who did Serena Williams beat to get to her five consecutive Grand Slam finals?

The Fayez Sarofim & Co. U.S. Men’s Clay Court Tennis Championship was supposed to be held this month at the River Oaks Country Club. It’s the premiere tennis event held in Texas each year, but alas, the tennis tourney is another victim of the coronavirus pandemic.

So instead, in a substitute for real sports only slightly less disappointing than ESPN airing old spelling bee contests … I’ve come up with a challenging, but hopefully fun and interesting, tennis trivia quiz.

I’m not kidding, it’s a tough quiz. I doubt if my so-called tennis “experts,” like Charlie Pallilo, Ed Emmett, and Russell Henderson could get five right. Me? I scored a perfect 10, plus the bonus question — but that’s because I put the quiz together.

Here goes, answers at the bottom, but no cheating. (I’m looking at you Pallilo).

1. Who is the only male tennis player to appear in Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue?

2. Who was the opponent when Monica Seles was stabbed by a crazed Steffi Graf fan in 1993?

3. What gas is pumped into tennis balls so they’ll bounce?

4. Who was the first player to win a Grand Slam event after gaining entry as a wild card?

5. Andre Agassi’s father participated in the 1948 and 1952 Olympics. Name the sport and the country he represented.

6. Many pro tennis players use “cat gut” strings. What animals’ intestines are used to make “cat gut” strings?

7. What annual tennis event awards the “International Lawn Tennis Challenge Trophy?”

8. Serena Williams won five consecutive Grand Slam finals: 2002 French Open, 2002 Wimbledon, 2002 U.S. Open, 2003 Australian Open, and the 2003 French Open. Can you name the player she defeated in each of those events?

9. Who is the only player to defeat Roger Federer in all four Grand Slam tournaments?

10. The fastest serve ever hit by a male player is 163.4 mph by former River Oaks participant Sam Groth. He struck the missile at an ATP Challenger event in Busan, South Korea. Who holds the record for fastest serve by a woman? Can you come within 3 mph of the speed?

Bonus points: Rank these balls in order of diameter from smallest to largest: a baseball, a tennis ball, a racquetball, a polo (on horses) ball, Wiffle ball, and lacrosse ball. Clue: they’re all pretty close, otherwise I wouldn’t be asking, now would I?

Answers
1. Rafael Nadal in 2012.

2. Magdalena Maleeva from Bulgaria, home country of Grigor Dimitrov who was scheduled to play at this year’s event at River Oaks.

3. Inert nitrogen. You’re wrong if you said helium, although helium-filled balls would be tremendous. A lob would vanish into space.

4. Goran Invanisevic won Wimbledon with a wild card invitation in 2001. Kim Clijsters later won the U.S. Open as a wild card in 2009, one of those years when Serena Williams had a meltdown.

5. Emmanuel Agassi was a boxer on the Iran Olympic team. He lost his first bout both times.

6. Cows and sheep.

7. That’s the official name of the Davis Cup. I’ll bet you answered Wimbledon.

8. Venus Williams in all five.

9. Novak Djokovic. Oh, by the way, the only player to defeat Novak Djokovic in all four Grand Slam tournaments is Roger Federer.

10. Sabine Lisicki of Germany walloped a 131-mph serve against Ana Ivanovic at the 2014 Bank of the West Classic. The record for most aces in a women’s match is 31, held by Kristyna Pliskova (the less successful Pliskova sister) against Monica Puig at the 2016 Australian Open.

Bonus answer: Racquetball (2.25 inches). Lacrosse (2.5 inches). Tennis (2.575 to 2.7 inches). Baseball (2.87 to 3 inches). Wiffle ball (2.87 to 3.15 inches). Polo (3 to 3.5 inches).

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Documentary News

Netflix series Waco: American Apocalypse debuts with newly unearthed footage

Waco: American Apocalypse

ATF agents at Waco compound in 1993.

Netflix has a new series on the tragedy that took place in Waco three decades ago: Called Waco: American Apocalypse, it's a three-part series documenting the standoff between cult leader David Koresh and the federal government that ended in a fiery inferno, televised live, with 76 people dead.

The series debuts on March 22, to coincide with the 30-year anniversary of the event which took place from February 28 to April 19, 1993.

It's an oft-told tale and not the only new release to try and exploit the 30-year anniversary: Jeff Guinn, former books editor at the Fort Worth Star Telegram, just came out with a book in January, also described as definitive, called Waco: David Koresh, the Branch Davidians, and a Legacy of Rage.

Waco: American Apocalypse is directed by another Texan: Dallas native Tiller Russell (Night Stalker: The Hunt for a Serial Killer), who obtained never-before-seen videotapes of FBI negotiations, as well as raw news footage and interviews with insiders.

Those insiders include one of David Koresh’s spiritual wives; the last child released from the compound alive; a sniper from the FBI Hostage Rescue Team; the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit Chief; journalists; and members of the ATF tactical team who watched colleagues die in the shootout against the heavily armed members of the religious sect.

The FBI videotaped inside the hostage negation room, thinking they'd be there maybe 24 hours, not 51 days.

"These are video cassettes that were sitting in somebody’s closet for 30 years, that show the mechanics of hostage negotiations in an intimate setting - not the hostage negotiation scenarios you see in films, but a team of people grinding, day in and day out, for 51 days," Russell says.

He also procured footage from Waco TV station KWTX, who had a reporter embedded in the initial gunfight.

While the standoff was broadcast live on TV at the time, much of it was out of camera range. The film uses 3D graphics to recreate the details of the compound.

Russell acknowledges that the tale of the cult leader who was also a pedophile, the debate over the right to bear arms, the constitutional limits of religious freedom, dredge up painful conversations that continue today.

"It cast a long shadow, pre-saging the Timothy McVeigh bombing in Oklahoma, the shooting at Colombine, and a growing distrust of government, but I think it's important to reckon with our past so we don't repeat mistakes," he says.

"So much of what’s roiling in culture today can be traced to Waco, a story about God and guns in America with all these children at the center whose lives were determined by the adults around them," he says. "There was no playbook for what happened, everyone was out on a limb, and people made mistakes. But almost everybody was trying to do their very best."

"I think this is a story that's often recalled in politicized terms, with finger-pointing on who screwed up and how did we get here, but there's a profound humanity to it all," he says.

Watch the trailer below:

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