Grab a brown paper bag before proceeding, because the news that drug giant Pfizer mispackaged 1 million birth control packets might induce a full-fledged panic attack akin to Kristen Bell's sloth reaction, but without the cute.
Pfizer recalled 1 million packets of the contraceptive drugs Lo/Ovral-28, Norgestrel (brand name Ovrette) and Ethinyl Estradiol (which is in, like, everything) this week after finding a packaging error that could "raise the risk of accidental pregnancy" by leaving some women with an inadequate dose.
Not all the packets will raise the risk of pregnancy: The oral contraceptives, which generally contain 21 hormone tablets and seven inactive, or blank pills, were improperly mixed, with some packets containing too many active hormone tablets and others containing too many blanks.
This means that those women with too few active tablets run the risk of accidental pregnancy, while those with too many hormone tablets will likely skip their periods unwittingly and go through their own pregnancy scares. (One convenience is exceedingly milder than the other, but it's a lose-lose for everybody from where we're sitting with our heads between our knees).
Luckily, the Associated Press reports that the recall is mainly of an older pill that isn't as popular today, and none of the types recalled are in the top five, although the affected pills were distributed around the country.
To check whether your birth control was affected, click here.