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Woodlands Weekend Quiz

Walk on the wooded side: Are you up for a Woodlands staycation?

Tarra Gaines
Sep 22, 2013 | 4:36 pm

I must confess, growing up in suburban Houston left me with certain prejudices against foreign lands. Sure Sugar Land, Pearland, the Woodlands and all the other planned and not-so-planned 'burbs might be lovely places to live. But I don’t, now. So why visit?

Still, I like to think of myself as an fair-minded person, so when I was invited on an explore-the-Woodlands tour and mini-staycation, I resolved to confront my biases and remain open to all that this close, but alien, land has to offer. After my eating, drinking and boating adventure, I realized while I still wouldn’t want to live there, there are some good reasons to visit.

So if you, too, are pondering under what circumstance should you take a trip into the woods, I present a handy quiz, already completed with the most correct answer (i.e. excuse) for embarking on a Woodlands weekend.

1. Is your favorite hipster band, '80s crooner, or country music superstar set to play Houston’s longest-named concert venue, The Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion?

Answer: OMG, yes! Fun. is coming! They really get me, and I know all their songs, not just 'Some Nights" like those other posers.

A concert in the Woodlands is one of the best reasons to splurge for a full night out instead of braving the car crawl back to I-45.

A concert in the Woodlands is one of the best reasons to splurge for a full night out instead of braving the car crawl back to I-45. There are several hotels within walking distance of the Pavilion, so end your evening of fun with a stroll back to your hotel room and have a leisurely drive the next morning.

After being a guest of the Hyatt Market Street, I realized it might be close enough to the Pavilion that someone — not me, of course — might try to skip buying a ticket and just cock an ear in the general direction of the music of fun. or Lionel Richie while relaxing by the hotel’s second-floor outdoor pool.

2. Are you looking for a girls or boys night out/restaurant and bar crawl in a safe environment, where, if need be, you can actually crawl from place to place?

Answer: Been there, done that at Town Square and CityCentre and now I’m looking for another outdoor, mixed-use dining/shopping world to conquer.

Market Street and Waterway Square have their share of low-to-high-end chain restaurants, but they also contain some surprises, like celebrity chef Ken Rathbun’s Jaspers and the cozy tapas bar, 1252. Try to stop by Schilleci’s New Orleans Kitchen when owner Wayne Schilleci is around. His New Orleans and Houston stories are the perfect seasoning to their tradition Cajun fare.

Lengthy wine lists and signature cocktails abound on the Street and in the Square so crawl away.

3. Have you always wanted a wedding at sea but need to take a Dramamine before jumping in a pool?

Answer: Yes, I love open water but only if it’s waveless and tightly regulated by humans.

The Woodlands Waterway connects the Woodlands Convention Center, the Woodlands Mall, and Waterway Square. One of the few ways to traverse this mighty way full of water is on a cruiser. Cruise goers can buy a $5 day pass and hop on and off as much as they want, but the cruisers may also be chartered and catered, for dinners, corporate meetings, bachelorette parties and yes even weddings. Got bickering divorced in-law problems? Put them into separate boats.

The Woodlands is a popular spot for conferences, parties and wedding, with lots of leafy venues to choose from. Tori Enriquez, director of sales at the Woodlands Resort, told me the own record is five weddings in one day. The resort’s multi-million dollar renovation will include a lazy river pool, so maybe you could even get married floating along in an inner tube.

4. Do you (I’m not judging) or your 4 year-old find great joy running about on splash pads and playing on spraygrounds?

Answer: Hey, when it’s 102 degrees in Houston I, and my 4-year-old, which I definitely have and am not making up so it won’t look weird for me to play in fountains, take our watery relief wherever we can get it.

For those without a child or the childless without a Zooey Deschanel sense of whimsy, spraygrounds are water-dousing playgrounds; splash pads are those padded decks that spray water from nozzles embedded in the ground. They’re everywhere in the Woodlands. While I have no definite proof, I wouldn’t be surprised if a secret township ordinance requires one public, interactive water apparatus for every five Woodland kids.

With lots of pools and playgrounds and the Children’s Museum for the kids, there needs to be some way to combine excuse 2 and 4. Find a designated kid wrangler to herd them from one splash pad to the next while you restaurant and bar hop through the night just a few yards away.

5. Do you like to golf?

Answer: Yes.

The Woodlands is not so creatively named for a reason, but I wonder if all those trees are mostly there to separate all the golf courses.

Got even one answer right? You might be ready for that weekend walk on the wooded side.

Hyatt Market Street lobby.

Hyatt Market Street Hotel in The Woodlands lobby
Hyatt Market Street - The Woodlands Facebook
Hyatt Market Street lobby.
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root, root, root — please

Ken Hoffman urges 'no vibe' crowd at Minute Maid Park to level up for our Houston Astros

Ken Hoffman
Oct 31, 2022 | 2:00 pm
Houston Astros fans Minute Maid Park
Houston Astros/Facebook

This is more like it, Astros fans.

You might have seen it on Twitter or Youtube: A reporter from Philadelphia’s Fox 29 did a live shot outside Minute Maid Park before Game 2 of the World Series on Saturday, October 29. The Phillies won the Series opener 6-5 in the 10th inning the night before.

The reporter said, “There was no factor at all with this Houston crowd. Really there was no vibe. You couldn’t tell it was a World Series game. It felt like a regular season game. There was more excitement at my daughter’s middle school volleyball game than there was a Minute Maid Park.”

What a crappy thing to say about us loyal Astros fans. Didn’t his mother teach him not to gloat? Is the reporter trying to make a name for himself as a hot takes, rabble rouser up in Philly? Hoping to get in good with Phillies management to get scoops? A shameless homer? Watch his "report" here:

Phillies in 3. pic.twitter.com/A8vCzTQ0sF
— Smitty (@SmittyBarstool) October 29, 2022

Or just a cheap shot artist? Somebody check to see if he even has a daughter on the middle school volleyball team.

But you know something? Sad to say, the Fox reporter was absolutely right!

Both nights I was in a packed sports bar and we all noticed that Astros fans at the game were sitting on their hands. If you just panned the crowd and didn’t know it was a baseball game, a World Series game at that, you’d have thought it was a funeral.

And that was with the Astros jumping off to 5-0 leads both games. I know the stadium was SRO— so WTF!

There are some reasons for the somnambulistic (awesome word) crowd, but still, this is the Fall Classic. What else do you want from the Astros? This is the ultimate prize for the No. 1 favorite sports team in Houston. If you can’t get excited about the Astros in the World Series, maybe it’s time to see a qualified physician. Or Herman Munster.

Is it possible that we’re so used to the Astros playing in the World Series that we can’t get excited? Has the postseason become part of the Astros regular season? Has Astros excellence become boring?

The crowd for Game 2, an Astros victory with José Altuve coming alive and Framber Valdez mowing down the Phils was just as snoozy as Game 1. What’s it gonna take for the Minute Maid crowd to get that stadium quaking?

Maybe it’s because this is the World Series and tickets are sky-high expensive. The parking lots are jammed with Mercedes and up. The Diamond Club behind home plate — and on TV most shots — is shimmering with diamonds. You know how the River Oak crowd is, they pay their help to get excited for them. It’s difficult to clap when you’re sipping expensive chardonnay with your pinky extended.

If you think tickets are expensive here, what till Houston’s billionaires travel to Philadelphia. Tickets are twice as expensive up there. Our billionaires will return as mere millionaires. My heart goes out to them.

I spoke with my sports media guy Glen Macnow in Philadelphia. He said, “The crowd here (in Philly) is going to be LOUD! Our baseball crowds are like football crowds. Our football crowds are like British soccer crowds.”

What’s it going to take to light a fire under Minute Maid Park fans? You know, it isn’t like Houston has been Championship City lately. It’s not like we’re holding parades downtown and hoisting Super Bowl and NBA Finals banners at City Hall.

Last I looked, the Houston Texans are 1-5-1 in last place in the AFC South and the Houston Rockets are 1-6 and last in the Southwest Division.

There's an expression: You don't know what you got till it's gone. Well, we got the Astros in the World Series! Let's make a little noise about it.

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come on in

New Southern-inspired restaurant and bar rocks Houston with live music, classic fare, and more

Eric Sandler
Oct 31, 2022 | 1:01 pm
New Southern-inspired restaurant and bar rocks Houston with live music, classic fare, and more
Photo by Brandon Holmes

Rockhouse will serve Southern-inspired fare like fried chicken and collard greens.

A group of Houston hospitality veterans are putting a fresh spin on one of the Richmond Strip’s most iconic destinations. Rockhouse Southern Kitchen will open next year in the former Billy Blues/Diablo Loco space at 6025 Richmond Ave.

The partners behind the Warwick, a Southern-inspired restaurant that opened earlier this year in the former Houston’s space on Westheimer, have once again teamed up to create Rockhouse. They include Prospect Park co-owner Rob Wright, Bar 5015 owner Steve Rogers, Slowpokers co-owner Mazen Baltagi, and local attorney Kurt Agomuo. Collectively, the group has operated everything from coffee shops to steakhouses and brings more than 20 years of experience to their new endeavor.

Rockhouse Southern Kitchen food spread

Photo by Brandon Holmes

Rockhouse will serve Southern-inspired fare like fried chicken and collard greens.

As its name implies, Rockhouse will be a lively, Southern-inspired bar and restaurant with live music — including brass bands and saxophone players. At 14,000 square feet, it will offer plenty of room for eating, drinking, and dancing. Nicki Dooms of NHI Designs is working with the partners to transform the space.

The restaurant’s menu will cover a wide range of tastes. Expect traditional Southern favorites like fried chicken, fried fish, and mac and cheese alongside sports bar favorites like oxtail egg rolls, lobster slides, and jerk chicken nachos. Those looking for something more elevated may opt for a Cajun ribeye or “firecracker” salmon.

“We want to go back to the roots of southern culture, where music and good food are the celebration,” Wright said in a statement. “We have created an experience where our culinary farm to table offerings, hand-crafted cocktails, and nightly musical oblations will leave you coming back for more.”

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Palatial pampering

Texas' dreamiest destination spa unwraps exclusive $1,000 Swiss facial for 25th anniversary

Stephanie Allmon Merry
Oct 31, 2022 | 10:15 am
Texas' dreamiest destination spa unwraps exclusive $1,000 Swiss facial for 25th anniversary
Photo courtesy of Lake Austin Spa Resort

A red light mask is part of the $1,050 Regal by Valmont facial.

When the Lake Austin Spa Resort went shopping for a 25th-anniversary gift for guests, it aimed higher than traditional silver and picked treatments that incorporated gold, diamonds, and caviar. As a result, the dreamy destination spa now offers some of the most opulent, exclusive, and — at upwards of $1,000 — most expensive facials in the world.

In anticipation of its milestone anniversary in 2022, the Lake Austin Spa Resort’s LakeHouse Spa partnered with Swiss luxury skincare brand Valmont to introduce the new facials, which are as cutting-edge as they are indulgent.

Creme de la creme among them is The Regal by Valmont, which costs a jaw-dropping $1,050. The Regal was designed in Switzerland exclusively for LakeHouse Spa, and Austin is the only place in the world to get it.

“It’s definitely a once-in-a-lifetime experience for a lot of people,” says Becky Bence, Lake Austin Spa Resort lead esthetician. “And it’s definitely worth it.”

The 135-minute facial begins with the high-tech deep cleanse of the HydroFacial and proceeds with seven masks, including four collagen masks, a papaya enzyme, and a medical-grade LED light mask. Every single product from Valmont’s ultra luxe “masterpiece collection” called l’Elixir des Glaciers is used; some products are made with an uber anti-aging essence of gold sturgeon fish. All are applied using a Valmont signature “butterfly” motion that helps to lift and sculpt the face.

What puts the Regal over the top, though, are 35 minutes of choreographed massage, including a 500-year-old technique called “kobido,'' developed for the empress of Japan. Touted as a “surgical facelift as a massage," Bence says, kobido was once reserved only for nobility and the empress, then later handed down from masters to disciples.

So rarified is the Regal facial, that just six of the 21 LakeHouse Spa estheticians are trained to perform it. They learned at a weeklong “bootcamp” conducted by two Valmont experts who flew in to Austin from Switzerland.

“It was kind of like the Navy Seal program of facials,” Bence says. “It was kind of like being handed down something from a true master.”

The $1K price tag hasn’t kept people away. Since the Regal was introduced several months ago, guests have come from all over the world — and from all corners of Texas — to experience what the spa calls “the ultimate in anti-aging perfection and cellular renewal.” (After all $1,000 is still far less than an actual facelift or even regular nick-tuck-plump-ups by a cosmetic surgeon.)

Why reach all the way to Switzerland for the palatial new treatments? After emerging from COVID shutdowns, Bence says, LakeHouse Spa personnel “auditioned” just about every single skincare line out there. The estheticians voted, and Valmont won.

“We wanted to add something really special, something luxurious but yet something out-of-this-world amazing that truly benefited the skin,” Bence says. “Something almost to replace Botox and fillers …that gave you basically a natural face-lift without being invasive but still being relaxing.”

In addition to the Regal, other new Valmont facials introduced in this 25th anniversary year include:

  • The 150-minute Gold & Diamond Trifecta Facial that involves three massages, four masks, infra-red LED, and a hydrogel mask with micronized gold and diamonds, which costs $990.
  • The Golden Aura Rose & Caviar Facial, a 100-minute treatment that incorporates marine products containing caviar extract and Diamond Collagen, costing $790.
  • Energy of the Glaciers, a 90-minute facial that features rare ingredients from Switzerland and deep, structural massage of the face, stimulating muscles to tone and lift; $750.
  • Luminosity of Ice Facial, a 90-minute treatment described as a “toxin-flushing, facial reflexology-inspired facial” that uses a cocktail of seven plants organically cultivated at high altitudes; $650.

The spa also has a complete menu of non-Valmont facials and dozens of other signature treatments.

Luxe but laid back
Lake Austin Spa Resort’s Dallas-based co-owner, Mike McAdams, says the new facials are indicative of how high the spa wanted to aim for its 25th anniversary.

“Our guest demands a luxurious, more refined experience, and Valmont helps us deliver on that objective,” he says.

And yet, Lake Austin Spa Resort remains a place where robed guests can emerge from a $1,000 facial and step over geckos skittering along the sidewalk while a speedboat whizzes by pumping Beyonce through the speakers. It’s upscale but unpretentious, luxurious but laid-back — almost like “spa camp.”

“We never wanted to create the ‘zen’ spa with stark lines and absence of color – we aimed to create just the opposite,” McAdams says. “Your surroundings absolutely have an impact on how your wellness journey can unfold and influence your daily life. The colors and textures that surround you mimic the vibe of the Texas Hill Country and pay homage to nature.”

The top-rated spa and resort is a far cry now from the place McAdams purchased on January 1, 1997. Located along the shores of scenic Lake Austin in the Texas Hill Country, the property had lived previous lives as a fishing camp, nudist enclave, rodeo ranch, and diet camp.

McAdams — at the time a commercial real estate developer for Dallas-based Trammell Crow — experienced a personal work-life-balance crisis that's wholly relatable in today's post-pandemic, "great-resignation" world two-and-a-half decades later.

“I was living on a plane, traveling a lot. It was high stress, and high energy and I loved it,” he says. “In 1984, I found a place that changed my life — the Ashram in Calabasas, California. It was a true bootcamp, with physical activities and dietary restrictions that were very intense… This experience forced me to come down from my hectic lifestyle of traveling, eating, drinking, and not exercising."

After adopting healthier habits in his own life, he and an LSU fraternity brother, Billy Rucks, seized an opportunity to buy and transform the Lake Austin Spa Resort; they still co-own it today. “It was a diamond in the rough," McAdams says.

More 25th anniversary offerings
One of the biggest challenges running the spa the last 25 years (besides navigating a global pandemic), McAdams says, has been continually evolving in an industry dominated by fleeting fads and headline-grabbing gimmicks.

“The changes in the last 25 years in the spa industry have been monumental,” McAdams says. “The global wellness industry is now a $4.5 trillion economy, with ‘spa’ being one small part of the bubble. We are all seekers looking for ways to look and feel our best, and I think the growth is due to a demand in wanting to take our health into our own hands.”

One of the resort’s newest touts (proudly stated on their home page) is that they’re Texas’ only destination spa on a lake. Recently they’ve introduced a full range of water activities, including a water taxi that transports guests to the spa and back.

“When we bought Lake Austin Spa Resort in 1997, our guests would put a toe in the water — but we’ve also evolved and now understand the power of being near a moving body of water and how it affects your health, happiness, and even alleviates depression,” McAdams says.

Along with the new fancy facials and lake programming, the resort has also added new classes and activities and upgraded amenities for its 25th anniversary. Befitting its location in the “live music capital of the world,” Austin-area musicians now entertain guests nightly around s’mores pits. There’s new artwork around the campus, too.

“My favorite part of celebrating our 25th anniversary this year has been to watch a very special piece of commissioned art be installed in the first few months of the year,” McAdams says. “A local Austin artist created a 64-foot long, 400-square foot abstract mural of stone, glass, and tile designed to honor our magnificent natural location on Lake Austin.

"Within the creation, I wanted to honor all of the amazing past and present people who helped get to where we are today. Their names are included in this mural, discreetly placed within this homage to nature. Because of these special people, Lake Austin Spa Resort has enjoyed many wonderful accolades through the years.”

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To mark its 25th anniversary, Lake Austin Spa Resort is offering 25 percent off stays of at least two nights or more, through January 31, 2023. Reservations must be booked by October 31. Some packages include generous spa credits, but sadly, the $1,050 Regal facial is not 25 percent off. Find more information at www.lakeaustin.com.

Red light mask, facial

Photo courtesy of Lake Austin Spa Resort

A red light mask is part of the $1,050 Regal by Valmont facial.

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