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Movie Review

Dwayne Johnson's Rampage gives monster movies a bad name

Alex Bentley
Apr 13, 2018 | 2:30 pm
Dwayne Johnson's Rampage gives monster movies a bad name
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Dwayne Johnson has become a big enough movie star that it’s more than fair to start questioning his choices. With 10 out of his last 14 movies earning over $100 million, and many of them making well above that mark, he can get approval for almost any movie he wants to make.

So why, apart from the obvious answer of money, does he continue to attach his name to such dreadful material? His latest awful outing is Rampage, which is very loosely based on the popular '80s video game. Johnson plays Davis Okoye, a primatologist at the San Diego Wildlife Park who works well with one of the park’s gorillas, George.

When a weaponized version of the gene-editing serum called CRISPR (which is a real thing) gets plunked down at several spots in the U.S. after a space station accident, George, a wolf, and an alligator all inadvertently get transformed into gigantic, aggressive versions of themselves. They proceed to create havoc, and it’s up to Davis and rogue scientist Dr. Kate Caldwell (Naomie Harris) to find a way to stop them.

The result is one of the most inane, uninspired, and lazy movies I have ever seen. And I’m not even talking about the story; it’s almost a given that this type of movie will have plot holes a mile wide. But the fact that director Brad Peyton and the quartet of writers (who include Lost’s Carlton Cuse) consistently go for the easy and dumb ways of trying to entertain the audience should be insulting to any moviegoer, discerning or not.

They give us villains (Malin Akerman and Jake Lacy) who are evil for no apparent reason and whose motives appear to stem from the presence of the original Rampage video game in their offices. The wolf and alligator acquire wild side effects from the serum, but George only becomes bigger so that he doesn’t appear too monstrous. And, like Pacific Rim Uprising and other destructive movies, they expect us to get excited over the demolition of many buildings and vehicles, even if that means that we’re seeing hundreds or thousands of innocent people die in the process.

Johnson puts on his usual charm offensive, but it’s in support of such a generic and uninteresting story that it takes him down. They pay lip service to Harris’ character being smart and capable on her own, but she never gets a chance to show it. The only truly entertaining actor is Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who chews the scenery as a government official with zeal, showing he’s the only one who understands what the movie should have been.

Johnson has shown glimpses through the years of using his powers for the good of moviegoers, but Rampage indicates that he’s still much more interested in making money than making good movies. It’s possible he can change, but I wouldn’t bet on it anytime soon.

Naomie Harris and Dwayne Johnson in Rampage.

Naomie Harris and Dwayne Johnson in Rampage
Photo by Frank Masi
Naomie Harris and Dwayne Johnson in Rampage.
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Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

Alex Bentley
Dec 26, 2025 | 2:30 pm
Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda
Photo by Matt Grace
Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

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Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

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