Beyond the Boxscore

Andrew Luck is actually human! Damning character flaw revealed, but it won't help human sacrifice Texans

Andrew Luck is actually human! Damning character flaw revealed, but it won't help human sacrifice Texans

Andrew Luck Colts
Andrew Luck is on pace to set a rookie record for passing yardage. But he's human. Really.
Oliver Luck & Andrew Luck Dynamo
Andrew Luck (far right) attended the Houston Dynamo's new stadium opener with his family, including dad Oliver (far left). Photo by Michelle Watson/CatchLightGroup.com
Andrew Luck Colts
Oliver Luck & Andrew Luck Dynamo

Andrew Luck is on pace to smash the all-time record for most passing yards by a rookie quarterback. He's as good a player to ever enter the league since Peyton Manning (remember that guy?) in Houston Texans coach Gary Kubiak's estimation.

He has the Indianapolis Colts a win away from clinching a playoff berth. His own coach calls him "a very cerebral player," a "determined winner," "gritty," "tough," and someone whose "heart muscles" you can't measure.

And that's all just in one 10-minute phone call with Houston reporters.

"He's a blessing," interim Colts head coach Bruce Arians says of Luck. "It's the other seven rookies we're playing on offense that we've got to worry about."

 Maybe, J.J. Watt should just take the week off and wait for a more defendable quarterback. Like Peyton Manning in the playoffs. 

Let's face it, Andrew Luck could probably walk on water if he bothered putting his mind to such a pedestrian trick. Let's see that guy with the Brooks Reed hair lead a game-winning drive under two-minute pressure.

But breaking news: It turns out this 23-year-old who first made his name at Houston's Stratford High School is human. Shocking, I know, but the evidence is there for everyone to see.

When talking about his father — former Houston Oilers quarterback, former Houston Dynamo president and current West Virginia University athletic director Oliver Luck — Andrew practically rolls his eyes. In tone.

Yes, Andrew Luck is as annoyed by his parents as any other red-blooded American twentysomething.

Don't believe it. Consider this story Luck told Wednesday about his dad conjuring up some his own pro memories through Andrew's exploits.

"He's definitely gotten the chance to relieve some of his own memories," Luck says. "I remember I called him when I was driving to Anderson, Indiana for training camp and he went on a 20-minute story on driving out to San Angelo (for Oilers training camp) . . . He was listening to this U2 album and he had it on repeat."

Andrew Luck pauses (and the pause is key).

"He's probably getting more of a kick out of it than I am."

See! There's Andrew Luck dropping a little zinger on dear old dad.

It turns out being a former professional football player and having some of the coolest sports jobs in the world does not make you immune to being thought of as hopelessly ridiculous by your kids.

Oh that Andrew Luck. He's a regular Dennis The Menace.

Fear The Luck

OK, now let's get back to the part where we talk about how the Texans defense needs to be as worried about a rookie quarterback with 54.9 percent completion percentage, a 74.5 quarterback rating and a one-to-one touchdown to interception ratio (18 to 18) as they would be of a Tom Brady or an Aaron Rodgers.

Luck knows how to win. He's 8-1 in games decided by seven points or less — no matter if he's thrown three pick-sixes in the last four games.

There is no chance he could play like rookie quarterback Ryan Tannehill (three interceptions and 39.0 rating in Week One) or second-year quarterback Jake Locker (three interceptions and a 49.2 rating in Week 13) has against Wade Phillips' wounded, hungry Bulls On Parade defense. There is no chance Andrew Luck could play like . . . well, Andrew Luck.

Or at least that momentary imposter who threw all those interceptions against Bill Belichick's Patriots defense.

Let's face it, Andrew Luck could probably walk on water if he bothered putting his mind to such a pedestrian trick.. 

No, Luck is a quarterback you fear. And since they have to face him two times in the next three weeks, starting with Sunday's game at Reliant Stadium, the 11-2 Texans should be quaking.

It's a wonder that Texans coach Gary Kubiak had the strength to deliver that Man Up Challenge, first reported by CultureMap, to his team after the New England debacle. By all rights, Kubiak should have been curled up in a corner like a distraught, damaged Tim Tebow fan. 

Andrew Luck is coming!

He's bringing "bitter memories of Reliant Stadium" too. OK, Luck was half joking there in referring to a high school regional semifinals loss, his last game at the stadium. No matter. He's revenge minded!

Luck is also going to be playing in front of his grandparents, aunts, plenty of cousins and his siblings (probably). He is not 100 percent sure if his sister will make it.

"I don't know my sister's finals schedule," Luck says. "They don't tell me nothing."

Extra motivation! Luck's being snubbed by his sister too!

You almost have to wonder why the Texans defense is even bothering to show. Maybe, J.J. Watt should just take the week off and wait for a more defendable quarterback. Like Peyton Manning in the playoffs.

At least, he might have a chance then.

"Talent," Arians says simply when asked what jumps out on film when he watches the Texans. "Extremely talented group. And they play extremely hard and physical. They’re exactly what you want your football team to be."

Hold up, Coach. Let's not get crazy with any Lou Holtz act. No pumping up an inferior opponent. The Texans don't have Andrew Luck. (Don't you know that Matt Schaub guy isn't "elite"?)

Luck is only getting more and more comfortable too. By his seventh season, he'll probably be retiring with five Super Bowl rings, finally ready to move on to curing cancer.

"I do feel acclimated," Luck says of having to go from Houston to the Bay area to . . .  America's great pasture land, er Indianapolis. "The more you learn about Hoosiers, the more you come to love 'em."

That's it. Call off the game. Colts win! Colts win! Might as well start prepping for Minnesota.