Tired of strutting through the vaunted halls of the city's social establishment? Weary of jostling for the best tables at RDG and Tony's? Had it with dressing up for the black-tie galas and springing for those pricy dance floor tables?

CultureMap to the rescue.

We have a few suggestions for committing Social Suicide in H-Town, guaranteed to have you banned from all the right places and eliminated from every important invitation list.

Interestingly, while sleeping with your best friend's spouse is parallel to a death wish in some circles, it's not a permanent affliction Inside The Loop. No worries there. Even "accidentally" shooting your spouse in the back has not been enough to blast certain names into oblivion.

It's going to take some rather creative shenanigans to earn a spot in social hell. Herewith, we give it our best.

1. Embezzle from your friends

Nothing says lovin' like stealin' hard-earned greenbacks from your buddies. You will not be forgiven. There are those here who made that mistake two decades ago and are continuing to live in societal shame. Early Bernard Madoffs at play.

2. Consistently skip out on your charitable commitments

Reserve a big table at a black-tie gala and fail to pony up the $10,000 or $20,000 or even $50,000 that you promised. Do it more than once or twice and you will be relegated to the ranks of the great unwashed.

3. Do your best to be chronically late

Make everyone wait for you on every occasion — dinner parties, charity galas, private jets, drinks in the bar. Add to the mix by standing friends up on occasion — particularly at seated dinners in private homes — as icing on this exasperating cake. Keep at it and watch those social connections quickly go up in smoke.

4. Wear clothes that reek of moth balls

Nothing says low-brow, unsophisticated more loudly than pungent eau de camphor. And it's so annoying when trying to savor the lobster bisque. We won't stand for it.

5. Dare to drive a rattletrap

Even an eco-friendly Prius is suspect in circles more accustomed to Bentleys and Jaguars than Toyota and Ford

6. Regularly engage in obnoxious behavior

Act the stereotypical Texan — boisterous, ill-mannered, demanding and don't forget drunk. The Rich Texan aka Sen. Shady Bird Johnson on The Simpsons would be a good role model for those with a black-tie death wish. Such bores are not long-lived in Houston social circles.

7. As a couple, air your dirty laundry in public, bicker, criticize one another and, a personal favorite, complain about what a failure your husband/wife is

Enter George and Martha from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? That unbecoming behavior will guarantee the end of invitations faster than swine flu.

8. Default on your naming rights — as in promise lots more than you can deliver

A change of heart, a change of fortune, no matter. If your ego is large enough for you to put your name up in lights on a theater, library or hospital, better make sure that your discretionary income is ample enough to cover the commitment.

9. Engage in an illicit love affair in which your Fatal Attraction hires a hitman to snuff out your spouse

That'll do it every time. Just ask attorney Jeffrey Stern. You won't see him at any black-tie galas anytime soon

10. Move to Bellaire

Just kidding. We love that family-friendly corner of Houston. Really.

The real No. 10 — Leave the restaurant table just in time for the check to arrive

Rush calls to the restroom, distressed text messages that must be answered — poor excuses for skipping out on the check, particularly if you are the party inviting the guests. A reputation for such chicanery soon places you at the bottom of the D list.