Although I’ve never actually visited a brothel, I’ve had plenty of exposure to the world’s oldest profession: I followed the Heidi Fleiss media frenzy, I’ve seen The Best Little Whore House in Texas at least 57 times, I’ve marveled at the mystical lights of “Boy’s Town” while on a trip to Nuevo Laredo, and I’ve met Charlie Sheen (OK, I saw him from across the patio at the Ivy in LA, but close enough).

Frankly, I don’t know why you would want to shut down the type of establishment that could inspire the classic tune, “A Hard Candy Christmas.” But if you must subscribe to that whole “prostitution is illegal and I'd rather not end up making license plates in an unflattering orange jumpsuit” thing, why not open a bar in its place? These three spots with checkered pasts are worth stopping in for a tipple (if not a nipple).

Sugarcane may specialize in organic drinks, but back in the day, the building was home to a good old-fashioned bagnio. Originally built in 1917, it was Houston's first auto parts store for Model T Fords.

When a turning station popped up a few blocks away in the 1920s, the business-savvy owners saw an opportunity to make money by converting the shop into a flophouse and offering cheap room and board to rail yard workers. As a dangling carrot to lure in would-be customers, the enterprise’s list of amenities included renting female companions by the hour.

Sugarcane even offers a brothel-inspired drink: The Sugardaddy. Made with tequila, organic agave nectar, Crème De Violette, lime juice, and sage, it is similar to a margarita on the rocks but a little lighter and less sweet.

Before it was the Big Star Bar in The Heights, word is that the former tavern kept a couple of Winnebago’s parked out back for after-hour trysts with transient tramps. Alas, the portable cathouses are no longer and the dress code and clientele have since changed dramatically.

Brothel inspired drink of choice at Big Star Bar: The Heidi Fleiss Shot. Created by Arian, the bartender, it is comprised of Smirnoff, pineapple juice, energy drink, and Coca-Cola. It tastes a lot like cream soda (make your own joke).

The building at 1820 Franklin Avenue, now the Eighteen Twenty Bar, is the former home of The Burlesque Club. With the Hotel Lamonte conveniently located upstairs, it was the perfect setting for a bordello.

Although women of the evening and their patrons often occupied the bar and hotel rooms, this former salon of ill repute is now a legitimate saloon. Brothel inspired drink of choice at Eighteen Twenty: The Slow Comfortable Screw on Satin Sheets. This cocktail is made with slow gin, Southern Comfort, vodka, Frangelico Hazelnut and orange juice.

It tastes like fruit punch, if you can stomach the name.