No Great Mobile Advance

Fool's technology: Why the Verizon iPhone won't come close to living up to yourdreams

Oh mah gah. Do we have the best news for you or what?

Are you ready? Wait for it, wait for it — Verizon is getting an iPhone!

Uh, yeah. You knew that, like, a year ago. But the hype has finally hit a fever pitch, culminating with the rumors really, really becoming a reality on Tuesday. Really.

So, Verizon is getting an iPhone. Great. AT&T has had the iPhone for the last four years. And now, at long last, Verizon is finally able to climb aboard the trendiest smartphone wagon of them all, and wave the flag of victory high above its sloppy seconds head.

Well, pin a rose on Verizon's nose.

But why should you care?

You really shouldn't. The Verizon iPhone won't eradicate widespread hunger, won't cure terminal diseases and certainly won't solve long-standing international conflicts.

We know you, though. You'll go mad with envy anyway.

Current iPhone lovers — AT&T suckers (like yours truly), if you will — will feel stuck and shafted, rueing the AT&T's-way-or-the-highway decision that reluctantly led them to signing a two-year death wish with the country's worst service provider in the first place. Oh, the things we do for love.

Then there are the holier-than-thou T-Mobile and Sprint subscribers, that have spent their energy justifying their superior (to AT&T) service as an excuse for their subpar smartphones with subpar apps. This lot will now cease wasting time regaling you with stories of their comparatively infallible carriers — it's well-known that Verizon is the biggest and (almost) the best of them all.

And what about those Verizon diehards, paying premium monthly bills and blindly believing this day would come for years? Well, broke disciples, you've been vindicated. You can finally stop salivating and sink your teeth into the (arguably) most superior smartphone on the market. For a pretty penny, mind you.

Oh, and Verizon lovers? You thought Verizon treated you as a number and not a subscriber before? Soon you'll be begging for the good ol' days of 2010, when you were able to speak to a rude representative on the phone about your litany of customer service issues. 'Cause when the iPhone comes a-knocking at Verizon, the masses upon masses will come a-flocking.

Think things will stay perfect in Verizon dataland with the inevitable crush of eager new converts? Think again.

Take it from someone who has, at one point, paid a portion of her paychecks (or student loan disbursements) to AirTouch Cellular, Cingular, Sprint, Verizon, and currently AT&T — in the end, your cell phone provider doesn't matter one damn bit.

Why? No matter how you slice it, from sea to shining sea, there are a few things all U.S. cellular carriers have in common — dropped calls, unreasonable prices, spotty coverage, frustrating policies, and jerks on the other end of the 15-minute wait. And that's only the tip of the antenna.

So you'll have to excuse me if I don't believe that the iPhone expanding into Verizon territory is a game changer in the least. Until a cell phone can out-function the standard Alexander Graham Bell creation, this is one digital duel that isn't worth refreshing.

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blasting off

Expert team assembled to lure U.S. Space Academy to Houston

Photo via NASA.gov

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State Rep. Greg Bonnen of Friendswood has been tapped to lead a new team that will promote Texas as the future home of the U.S. Space Academy.

Bonnen, a neurosurgeon, chairs Houston Physicians’ Hospital and the powerful Texas House Appropriations Committee. His House district is close to NASA’s Johnson Space Center.

Gov. Greg Abbott appointed the seven-member team. Last month, President Trump signed an executive order establishing the Presidential Commission on the U.S. Space Academy. Commission members, who held their first meeting this month, will recommend a permanent location for the academy.

Texas officials are pushing a site near Johnson Space Center to host the academy. Alabama, Colorado and Florida are among Texas’ competitors.

In a joint statement, U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz and U.S. Rep. Brian Babin, both of Texas, issued a statement backing the state’s bid for the academy. Cruz lives in Houston. Babbin lives in Woodville, about 55 miles south of Beaumont.

“America’s space program is built across the country, but Texas is where the pieces come together,” the lawmakers said. “We are ready to lead the next generation of space pioneers and look forward to showing why Texas is the right home for the U.S. Space Academy.”

The academy’s curriculum will include technical education, leadership development and public service components. Graduates will be set up for careers in the U.S. military, civil service, and aerospace sectors.

The Abbott-appointed team will work with the Texas Space Commission to prepare the state’s proposal for the academy.

In addition to Bonnen, team members with ties to Houston include:

Robert Ambrose, who grew up in Houston. He worked at Johnson Space Center before becoming associate director of the Texas A&M Space Institute.
Former NASA astronaut Nancy Curry-Gregg, director of the Texas A&M Space Institute. She earned a doctoral degree from the University of Houston and previously worked at Johnson Space Center.
Former NASA astronaut Jack Fischer, senior vice president of Houston-based Intuitive Machines. The company builds spacecraft, delivers payloads to the moon and launches satellites.

“Texas is the home of America’s human spaceflight program,” Abbott said in a release. “No state can match what Texas brings to this mission.”

“NASA’s Johnson Space Center, world-class universities, a premier commercial space industry, major military installations, and an unmatched aerospace workforce give Texas every asset the United States Space Academy requires,” the governor added.

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This story was originally published on our sister site, InnovationMap.