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    homemade for the holidays II

    Clean up for the new year: A step-by-step guide to making homemade soap

    Leila Kalmbach
    Dec 26, 2011 | 8:00 am
    • First step: gather all of your ingredients.
      Photo by Leila Kalmbach
    • Then mix sodium hydroxide and water.
      Photo by Leila Kalmbach
    • Measure out oils.
      Photo by Leila Kalmbach
    • Carefully mix lye and oils.
      Photo by Leila Kalmbach
    • Pour the mixture into molds.
      Photo by Leila Kalmbach
    • Finally, add your color.
      Photo by Leila Kalmbach
    • And your finished product
      Photo by Leila Kalmbach

    If giving the gift of infused vodka wasn’t for you, take it a step further and really impress your friends by giving them homemade soap. Soap is a little more complicated to make than flavored booze, but it’s fun and you get to feel like you’re back in chemistry class. It involves two separate chemical reactions — and in the end you get a useful product instead of a burnt vial and a room that smells like sulfur.

    (Before we get started, though, I should say something: Let’s be realistic. Soap takes at least four weeks to cure. If you do give bars of soap as gift (or use it for yourself), let them cure as long as possible, then wrap them in a breathable paper and just tell your friends to wait until the right date to use them.)

    At its essence, soap is just three things: sodium hydroxide (lye), water and fat. The type of fat you use will have a big impact on the final product — an all-coconut-fat soap, for instance, will have a nice fluffy lather, but can be drying to the skin. Palm oil soap doesn’t create much lather, but it makes a firm bar that won’t dissolve quickly.

    Different oils have different nourishing properties, as well. Olive oil is moisturizing. Avocado oil is high in vitamins and amino acids, which moisturize and heal the skin (great for winter). Jojoba oil helps to retain moisture in the skin. Most soaps contain a combination of oils that work together to achieve the desired effect. Grapefruit seed extract and/or vitamin E work as a preservative.

    Carefully pour the lye into the oil, stirring briskly with a whisk or the rubber spatula. The mixture will thicken. Keep stirring! And keep not touching, as the lye will still burn.

    I made my soap with my friend Shirene, who has made eight batches now and doesn’t ever buy soap anymore. Soap-making requires a few free hours, some pans you won’t need for the next month, and patience. There are as many soap recipes out there as there are cookie recipes, but here’s what we did:

    This recipe makes about 10 pounds of almond-avocado soap with orange–pine needle scent (yes, we could probably stand to come up with a snazzier name).

    What you'll need

    402 grams sodium hydroxide

    2 lb., 6 oz. distilled water

    4 oz. jojoba oil

    6.5 oz. cocoa butter (the kind we found contained 25 percent jojoba oil)

    12.5 oz. sweet almond oil

    8 oz. avocado oil

    8 oz. wheat germ oil

    2 lb. coconut oil

    24 oz. palm oil

    8 oz. olive oil

    24 grams grapefruit seed extract

    60 mL pine needle essential oil

    118 mL orange essential oil

    15 mL peppermint essential oil

    Getting together the ingredients can take some work. Keep in mind that lye is caustic, so its sale is more closely regulated than, say, essential oils. You’ll probably have to give them your name so that if you blow something up, they’ll know who to blame. You can find palm oil in the African foods section at Fiesta.

    Step 1: Make sure you have everything you’ll need.

    Get out all your ingredients, a scale, a large pot, a glass bowl, a rubber spatula, a cooking thermometer, rubber gloves and safety goggles. You have all these things, right? Right? OK, good.

    Step 2: Mix the lye and water.

    Put on the safety goggles and gloves. Take photos of yourself looking ridiculous. Carefully measure out the sodium hydroxide in a small bowl or cup, and measure out the distilled water in the glass bowl. Take these containers and the rubber spatula outside to a well-ventilated area, and very carefully pour the sodium hydroxide into the water, stirring briskly with the rubber spatula until it is dissolved.

    This is your first chemical reaction: The mixture will instantly get very hot and start steaming. Don’t breathe in the fumes. Once the sodium hydroxide is dissolved, cover the bowl to keep leaves and dust out. Make sure pets and children are inside while the lye solution is sitting out.

    Step 3: Mix and melt the fats.

    You can take the safety goggles and gloves off now, unless you just really like the look. Weigh out all the fats and mix them together in the large pot over low heat, stirring until the solid fats melt. Many of the fats we used came in containers that already claimed to be the right weight, but Shirene, being less lazy than I am, suggested we measure them out to be sure. Smart girl — almost all of the containers came in underweight. We added extra almond, olive or jojoba oil to make up for the differences.

    Step 4: Sit back and wait — oh, and line some baking pans.

    Once the fats are all melted together, make sure the mixture is more than 80 degrees (unless you use Celsius, then I have no idea), and turn off the heat. Line some baking pans on the bottom and sides with waxed paper, and tape the paper at the edges. For us, the above recipe filled two loaf pans and a large cake pan.

    Put on the safety goggles and gloves. Take photos of yourself looking ridiculous.

    Sit around for a while and talk about work. Eat some Thai soup (really, any kind of soup will do). Drink some tea (not beer, or you’ll mess something up and the lye will burn your fingers off). Periodically measure the temperatures of the lye mixture and the oil mixture, and wait for them both to get to 80 degrees, reheating the oil a bit if necessary.

    Step 5: Mix it all together.

    Now comes the second chemical reaction. Once both mixtures are at 80 degrees, take the oil outside, put the gloves and goggles back on, and slowly and carefully pour the lye into the oil, stirring briskly with a whisk or the rubber spatula. The mixture will thicken. Keep stirring! And keep not touching, as the lye will still burn. Try to keep all the liquid in motion. After a few minutes, the solution will “come to a trace,” meaning that if you lift up the whisk and drizzle the solution back into itself, it will leave a faint pattern on the solution’s surface for a moment.

    Step 6: Mix in the essential oils and pour into pans.

    Once the solution comes to a trace, work quickly to pour in the essential oils and mix well, then pour the mixture into the waxed paper–lined pans. We tried to make a pattern on the surface of a couple of our trays with food coloring, but we won’t know for sure whether this was a brilliant idea or a grave mistake until we try out the soap and see if our skin turns green.

    Step 7: Wait. Then cut. Then wait.

    Put the pans somewhere where they won’t be disturbed, cover them with cardboard or plywood, and cover that with a blanket. Then don’t touch them. Don’t do it! After a day or two (some sources say four to 10 days, so apparently it can vary), start gently poking at the soap, and once it feels firm all the way through, cut into slices lengthwise and crosswise all the way to the bottom of the pan.

    Then peel the bars out of the pans and lay them out flat in a single layer on plain paper grocery bags in a well-ventilated room. Let them sit for four to six weeks to cure, turning them over halfway through. Then wrap them as you wish and give them as gifts.

    Alright, you’re done! Now go sit in an overheated room for a few days to get your skin nice and dry, because next week we’re making homemade lotion.

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    series/ready-to-jingle

    Get a room

    Inside the former brothel that's now downtown Houston's hottest new bar

    Emily Cotton
    Oct 16, 2026 | 10:30 am
    No Vacancy
    Courtesy of No Vacancy
    Put on a No Vacancy robe and enjoy a welcome glass of champagne.

    With a name like No Vacancy, it comes as little surprise that this “hotel bar” on Main Street is the hottest new ticket in town. Draped in mystique, the 1970s-inspired bar offers guests pure nostalgia from every which way and is so authentic that it’s difficult to decide who would have enjoyed it more: Hunter S. Thompson or David Lynch.

    Ostensibly run by “Dottie,” the mysterious, fantastical patroness of No Vacancy — whose past entertainment history was illuminated by red lights more than limelight — who invites guests to pass through the No Vacancy Pool to check-in at reception before choosing to spend the evening in the Lobby Bar, upstairs in Dottie’s Penthouse, or rent a suite…by the hour, of course.

    Before anyone gets the wrong idea, No Vacancy is strictly a bar for flirtatious foreplay, a game night with friends, and certainly for people watching. Dottie won’t stand for any hanky-panky. So, if things get a little too hot to handle, get a room — someplace else.

    The building at 410 Main Street, once a notorious Houston brothel in its own right, sets the perfect scene for a bar that displays framed brassieres once belonging to former showgirls and boasts an impressive collection of vintage Playboys. Even the large steel door (c.1877) that used to connect the brothel to the bank next door is still visible while taking the stairs up to Dottie’s Penthouse. And the bathrooms? All converted from what was once a row of shower rooms.

    “It’s a downtown, rundown hotel, you know? It used to be nice, I think that’s the important part,” says No Vacancy partner Carson Hager, who also operates ‘80s themed bar Cherry. “Because in Dottie’s mind, it probably still is nice. It’s an actual bar. There are so few actual bars anymore. We just want people to like it. It’s not a dive bar — that’s an actual distinction. It’s a hotel bar. Go to an actual bar and enjoy the details and have a good time and go home.”

    As for Hager’s relationship to the elusive Dottie: “When people ask, I tell them that I’m Dottie’s nephew and I run things when she’s not here.”

    No Vacancy

    Courtesy of No Vacancy

    Put on a No Vacancy robe and enjoy a welcome glass of champagne.

    The commitment to the plot is evident in everything that is No Vacancy. Take, for instance, “Dottie’s Penthouse: The Menu Magazine.” This actual magazine — all 27 pages of it — offers guests a deep dive into Dottie’s personality while listing items of note such as Dottie’s house rules, Dottie’s Penthouse drink menu, fun facts, horoscopes, an advice column, crossword puzzle, raunchy cartoons, and even a fun “Which of Dottie’s Girls are You?” quiz.

    “The details of the building are one thing, but the details of the actual storyline behind everything are even more consistent and more thorough,” explains creative director and Dottie’s cosmic proxy Shilo de Armas. “The Penthouse Magazine enforces the actual story — it’s not just saying a story into the wind. Those types of structural things are what I’m most proud of. Truly, if I die today, that is something that I would really want on my grave. Talk about it in my eulogy. I’m the most proud of that than anything I’ve done. It just brings everything together because it has her house rules on page three, and you learn about who Dottie is when you read those house rules.”

    All of the hotel phones in No Vacancy are functional and routed through to reception and housekeeping. Guests in the suites may ring for service or choose to utilize the “Do Not Disturb” lights outside of the rooms. Housekeeping is outfitted in proper French maids’ outfits — feather dusters included — and cocktails arrive on carts, naturally.

    No Vacancy’s vintage televisions play a curated selection of era-appropriate programming, with custom commercials produced in-house. Think Marvin Zindler and Thunderbolt Transmissions-inspired content. Guests can switch channels, but the network is always No Vacancy Television: “NVTV…always turned on.”

    All of the furniture and decor are either vintage or antique, and the decision to go with carpeting throughout helps keep things intimate. Like many 70s-era spaces, patterns go wild at No Vacancy — think animal prints galore, plaids, stripes, and textured solids. Undergarments are tossed about, fabric canopies and draperies fill each room, and fringe adorns just about every other surface.


    View this post on Instagram
    A post shared by No Vacancy (@novacancyhtx)


    The downstairs level offers three different suites that can accommodate groups of four to six people, each with a different theme and speciality cocktail menu. While available by the hour, there is a 15 minute grace period to get settled in before the clock starts. Suites are $64.95-per-hour and include a round of complimentary welcome drinks upon arrival (up to four guests) — tailored to each suite.

    Prom After-Party Suite
    Up to six guests may join, receiving a welcome bucket of Jell-O shots upon check-in. Dottie’s handmade binder of drinking games is sure to entertain. Suite-specific cocktails include Dottie’s Wine Coolers (bottled, of course) in Passionfruit Pizzazz, Strawberry Fields, and Fuzzy Navel. In addition to the aforementioned Jell-O shots, patrons may order a classic Tiki Trashcan Punch, made in-room to serve four, with “Rum, more rum, Montenegro, tropical fruit punch, and 151 for fun.”

    Honeymoon Suite
    Up to four guests may join, receiving complimentary Moet champagne to begin the evening. This lover-inspired suite is encased in mirrors to three sides, plush privacy-draperies at the entrance, and includes fluffy red robes to enjoy during the evening. Imbibe suite-specific cocktails — “Save the Date,” “Honeymoon in Vegas,” and “Pillow Talk” — while cozied up in the round love seat.

    Side Piece Suite
    Up to six guests may join, receiving complimentary “Penicillin shots” to begin the evening. The decor takes guests for a walk on the wild side, with animal print upholstery and jungle-themed artwork. Suite-specific cocktails include the “Post Nut Clarity,” Campañera, and the suite’s signature drink “Strawberry Letter,” which serves four and is served in a high heel carafe.

    Lobby Bar
    Just past reception and the Side Piece Suite, Lobby Bar offers guests a comfy barstool or a place in the No Vacancy “semi-suites.” With high-top tables for two, each semi-suite can be closed with curtains for privacy or left open for mingling — the semi-suites can also be combined to accommodate small groups. Classics include “Dottie Does Downtown” and the “Centerfold Sour.”

    No Vacancy Pool
    Rounding out the offerings on the first floor is the “pool.” Part of the exterior entrance area, the pool area offers those who wish to wait a menu of their own. The “Corn Star Margaritas,” “Desert Rose,” and “Poolside Sour,” are sure to help the time pass quickly. Dottie’s Wine Coolers are also available poolside.

    Dottie’s Penthouse
    Upstairs, guests are welcome to lounge in Dottie’s penthouse apartment, so long as they behave. The penthouse is comprised of a dining room, kitchen (i.e., bar), living room, bedroom, balcony, and office. The low lighting — mostly thanks to Dottie’s lava lamp collection, 18 total on the living room wall — throughout the spaces vibe perfectly with the jazz music. Distinct zones are perfect for couples and small groups who want to sit and chat.

    In the office, Dottie’s desk tells stories of its own, original building plans sit beneath a protective plexiglass, her counting machine, phone, Rolodex, and security camera screens all wrapped around the trappings of a seemingly ordinary business…take a closer look.

    Dottie’s Kitchen serves cocktails named after her “girls,” and all that that implies. The mezcal-forward menu does offer a vast variety of cocktails, but Dottie highly encourages guests to try something smoky. If that’s not in the cards, reach for a classic Peach Pimm’s Highball or Watermelon Ranch Water.

    As vintage fans continue to flock to No Vacancy, it’s good to know that large groups aren’t allowed upstairs after 7 pm. Reservations can be made via text or through a quick DM through the No Vacancy Instagram account. It’s also a good idea to get on the waitlist if planning a last minute visit.

    “Dottie is nutty about having a home,” says Hager. “There is no such thing as just hanging around. If you don’t have a seat, you’re not getting in.”

    For those who choose to dress the part, or for those who just like to watch, No Vacancy has a strict no flash photography policy — and they mean it. No Meta glasses, ring lights, or cameras allowed either. No Vacancy is about as old-fashioned as they come.

    “The people who needed something like this, and have been wanting something like this in Houston in particular, that’s who it’s for,” says de Armas. “We want it to be for the people who get it. If people don’t get it, they don’t get it. That’s fine — bye!”

    No Vacancy is open 5 pm-2 am “every damn day.” Send Dottie a reservation or waitlist request at 713-597-7616 or DM her on Instagram.

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