There are lots of places I thought I might see Whoopi Goldberg in New York, but a fashion show isn't one of them.

When I spoke with Barbara Walters at the Diane von Furstenberg show Sunday night, I asked Walters if she planned to talk about her fashion-viewing experience on The View.

Not likely, she said. "We try to talk about things all the women enjoy."

Translation: Fashion isn't a hot topic among the cast of the talk show.

So I was flabbergasted to see The View moderator Goldberg walk into the Chado Ralph Rucci show Monday night. Rucci makes couture-quality clothing, using luxurious fabrics and painstaking detail. Goldberg is a sweatsuit-and-tennies kind of gal.

"One can never say I'm a fashion maven," Goldberg remarked as she made her way to her front row seat.

But her friend, Vogue contributing editor Andre Leon Talley, turned her on to Rucci's work and she liked what she saw.

"I love that he makes beautiful clothes that women with real backsides can wear," Goldberg said. "We'd all like to be pencil-thin, but some of us have butts."

Goldberg, seated next to Talley, carefully inspected each design as models passed by her in Rucci's studio, which had been converted into a salon with white floors, clear plastic chairs, a mirrored wall and a small runway for the audience of about 200.

The small venue, which allowed the audience to inspect the clothing because they were so close to the action, reminded legendary Ford model Carmen Dell'Orefice of the days before fashion shows moved to mammoth venues and lost most of the personal touch.

"We used to come out holding a number and the fashion editors would look at the list and note the number that they liked," she said. "I think it should be this way — up close and personal, so you can see the hem of a garment, look at the buttonhole and see how it was made."

Rucci's rich, impeccably-tailored collection was a perfect fit for Valentine's Day as it started out with a dozen red outfits — a puffy Mongolian lamb coat to a shiny vinyl red raincoat were highlights — and ended with a show-stopping red quilted satin pagoda jacket and gown that earned a standing ovation.

In between, Rucci worked with a familiar palate of black, gray and white with his trademark attention to detail. An evening gown "painted" with intricate beading, sheer black dresses with handcrafted cutouts and a flowing paisley wrap jacket that Goldberg might choose for a special occasion were prime examples of his architectural style.

Afterwards, many in the audience raced to offer Rucci congratulations and then sped across town to join a much larger crowd for Marc Jacobs' fall show. The atmosphere couldn't have been more different.

Marc Jacobs off the wall

A Jacobs show is always the hardest to get into and never fails to offer a spectacle. Its always has the flashiest surroundings— his sets rival a production of Spiderman —and his collections are the most widely debated, often setting trends and drawing imitators. (Designers scurried to add Lurex to their spring styles, in stores now, after Jacobs featured the metallic yarn in his last collection.)

One of the prime guessing games upon entering the cavernous New York Armory Building where Jacobs hold his shows is figuring out the theme. The 48-year-old designer often likes to lull his audience into a false sense of security with placid surroundings and lilting pre-show music that contrasts with the collection.

For this production, he created a 1940s-era supper club atmosphere, with a hall of mirrors that covered the runway and seating area and six columns and a padded wall covered in quilted white vinyl. The program was enconsed in a red velvet folder and romantic music — perfect for V-Day — wafted through the room.

A set-up for a light and airy collection? Hardly.

When the show began, Marilyn Manson's "The Beautiful People" blared on the sound system and a model walked out in tight rubbery-looking gray calf-length pants (described as "rubber trousers" in the program), a white shirt that buttoned in the back ("backward polyester shirt") and a felt beret that buttoned under the chin.

Futuristic? The fabrics certainly are. Shiny fake crocodile skirts that look like the real thing, rubberized sequins that resemble fish scales, dots made of terrycloth, cellophane shirts, and booties and purses in metallic automobile colors have a Blade Runner vibe.

Yet the silhouettes and styles covered just about every decade. Body hugging pencil skirts referenced the '40s, buttoned-up blouses and lace recalled the Victorian era, and dots of all sizes and shapes on almost every outfit lent a '70s "happy face" spirit.

Neiman Marcus fashion director Ken Downing interpreted the show as "a luxe insane asylum," with the padded set and all the dots as a tip-off.

"When you go crazy, you go a little dotty and he did. It you was dotty, dotty, dotty," Downing said. "And with the necklines real high, it was a slight little nod to a straitjacket. And when you're feeling melancholy, there's the lace feeling. As I always say, Marc likes to upset the fashion balance."

So expect dots and lace, next fall, Downing predicts.

A fashion 180 with Donna Karan

If Jacobs' collection was a little over the top, Donna Karan was a model of restraint. She concentrated almost exclusively on a silver gray palate with hallmark fabric draping techniques and architectural simplicity that makes a Karan creation instantly recognizable.

The collection, which she labeled "Pearls of Wisdom," had the easy authority that her clientele has come to expect, with structured jersey dresses, nubby sweaters or jackets with tight skirts, and fluid eveningwear. Almost everything was accessorized with long gloves, fur cuffs, and, naturally, given the theme, pearls.

In the audience: Sheridan and John Eddie Williams who flew up from Houston because Sheridan is one of only seven women across the nation selected as a Karan "ambassador" for their contributions to their communities.

"I just love Donna," Sheridan said at the show. "Her clothes are timeless. I still have things from 20 years ago today that I still own. And she's an amazing philanthropist. She still cares."

Herrera opulence

Times may be tough, but Carolina Herrera continues to feature the opulence she is known for. With Mad Men's Christina Hendricks on the front row, Herrera's line-up of lush simplicity included such touches as jeweled beading that peeked out from the neckline and the back, and fabrics in liquid iridescent colors.

Herrera makes beautiful and expensive clothes for people who can afford them, and celebrity stylist Philip Bloch likes the fact that she hasn't compromised her standards to appeal to the masses.

"You have to be rich to have it. There is no affordable Carolina Herrera," Bloch said. "But that's what makes it special. You'll save for it, you aspire for it. It's great to know there is no 'Carolina for J. Crew.'"