Sell high on Texans

Your surefire second-half fantasy football MVPs: Drew Brees, Adrian Peterson &Calvin Johnson

Calvin Johnson will continue to soar above the competition at wide receiver.
Drew Brees will rebound, just be careful of Week 15 against Baltimore.
Philip Rivers isn't about to slow down though.
Michael Turner will eat up on the Falcons soft second-half schedule.

We’re about halfway through the fantasy football season, and, for most of us, our rosters, and our fates, are pretty much sealed.

Still, even though the best free agents have long ago been scooped up, trades can still be made. Knowing that, it’s important to think of players now based not on their reputations, nor on their performances so far this season. The bottom line is: How will they perform from here on out?

With that in mind, here are predictions on who will be the finest performer from this point at each of the three main fantasy positions.

QUARTERBACK CANDIDATES: Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Philip Rivers

Rivers has a bye coming up in Week 10 next week, but that’s immediately followed up by four of five games at home in weather-friendly conditions against weak opponents. He’s also getting Vincent Jackson back, but the big negative is the injury to Antonio Gates ( who was inactive for Sunday's game against the Texans). Manning’s schedule isn’t too bad, but all of those injuries at receiver are a bit troublesome.

Brees, on the other hand, should be getting some players back from injury after his week 10 bye. The main concern is a potentially tricky matchup at Baltimore in Week 15, right in the heart of the fantasy playoffs in most leagues.

THE VERDICT: Brees, by a nose, although you can’t go wrong with any of these three. They’ll be head and shoulders above the other quarterbacks from this point.

RUNNING BACK CANDIDATES: Chris Johnson, Adrian Peterson, Michael Turner, Arian Foster, Frank Gore

I’d be trying to trade Foster if I had him; his schedule gets significantly harder, and his defense can’t stop anyone, which makes Texans reliance on the running game unlikely. Johnson doesn’t have an overly difficult schedule, but his yards per carry is down so far that it appears that defenses just aren’t going to let him beat them this year, Randy Moss’ presence notwithstanding.

Turner might seem like a surprise in here, but the Falcons’ schedule is pretty soft. Same goes for Gore with the Niners, and he’s been tough to stop this year regardless of his team’s woes. Peterson can say the same.

THE VERDICT: Peterson, barely over Gore, based on his big-play ability, nose for the end zone, and the feeling that the Vikes might just pull together against all odds.

WIDE RECEIVER CANDIDATES: Larry Fitzgerald, Roddy White, Calvin Johnson, Andre Johnson, Hakeem Nicks, Brandon Lloyd, Greg Jennings, Reggie Wayne

What’s interesting about this group is how many of them wouldn’t have been anywhere near this list at the start of the season. I’m not willing to bet my fortunes on Lloyd, even with his stunning success. Fitzgerald is hamstrung by his QB woes, and Andre Johnson is banged up, which knocks out the two preseason favorites.

Someone has to catch Aaron Rodgers’ passes, so Jennings could be ready to explode. The ruggedness of Nicks’ division argues against his continued brilliance. Wayne and White might be the most consistent of the bunch, while Calvin Johnson is on fire.

THE VERDICT: With receivers, the best player usually ends up with the best numbers. Right now, I feel like the best receiver in the league is Calvin Johnson, so this is Megatron’s year.

Next week, we’ll take a look at some potential second-half sleepers. Until then, here’s hoping that you start the winners, and leave the bums on the bench.

unspecified

Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess

Photo by Matt Grace

Jack Black and Paul Rudd in Anaconda.

In Hollywood’s never-ending quest to take advantage of existing intellectual property, seemingly no older movie is off limits, even if the original was not well-regarded. That’s certainly the case with 1997’s Anaconda, which is best known for being a lesser entry on the filmography of Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez, as well as some horrendous accent work by Jon Voight.

The idea behind the new meta-sequel Anaconda is arguably a good one. Four friends — Doug (Jack Black), Griff (Paul Rudd), Claire (Thandiwe Newton), and Kenny (Steve Zahn) — who made homemade movies when they were teenagers decide to remake Anaconda on a shoestring budget. Egged on by Griff, an actor who can’t catch a break, the four of them pull together enough money to fly down to Brazil, hire a boat, and film a script written by Doug.

Naturally, almost nothing goes as planned in the Amazon, including losing their trained snake and running headlong into a criminal enterprise. Soon enough, everything else takes second place to the presence of a giant anaconda that is stalking them and anyone else who crosses its path.

Written and directed by Tom Gormican, with help from co-writer Kevin Etten, the film is designed to be an outrageous comedy peppered with laugh-out-loud moments that cover up the fact that there’s really no story. That would be all well and good … if anything the film had to offer was truly funny. Only a few scenes elicit any honest laughter, and so instead the audience is fed half-baked jokes, a story with no focus, and actors who ham it up to get any kind of reaction.

The biggest problem is that the meta-ness of the film goes too far. None of the core four characters possess any interesting traits, and their blandness is transferred over to the actors playing them. And so even as they face some harrowing situations or ones that could be funny, it’s difficult to care about anything they do since the filmmakers never make the basic effort of making the audience care about them.

It’s weird to say in a movie called Anaconda, but it becomes much too focused on the snake in the second half of the film. If the goal is to be a straight-up comedy, then everything up to and including the snake attacks should be serving that objective. But most of the time the attacks are either random or moments when the characters are already scared, and so any humor that could be mined all but disappears.

Black and Rudd are comedy all-stars who can typically be counted on to elevate even subpar material. That’s not the case here, as each only scores on a few occasions, with Black’s physicality being the funniest thing in the movie. Newton is not a good fit with this type of movie, and she isn’t done any favors by some seriously bad wigs. Zahn used to be the go-to guy for funny sidekicks, but he brings little to the table in this role.

Any attempt at rebooting/remaking an old piece of IP should make a concerted effort to differentiate itself from the original, and in that way, the new Anaconda succeeds. Unfortunately, that’s its only success, as the filmmakers can never find the right balance to turn it into the bawdy comedy they seemed to want.

---

Anaconda is now playing in theaters.

movies film

Sell high on Texans

Your surefire second-half fantasy football MVPs: Drew Brees, Adrian Peterson &Calvin Johnson

Houston restaurant vet serves up Roman-style eatery in the Hill Country

French pastry chef picks Houston for U.S. debut and more top stories

Noted Houston street artist paints vibrant new mural at downtown venue

Movie Review

Meta-comedy remake Anaconda coils itself into an unfunny mess